Wednesday, February 06, 2008

More Thoughts on Hubbies and Romance...

I was talking with my dh today about the subject of romance. He reminded me that it awakens romantic feelings in him when I am happy.

I reflected on how true it is. I can think of times when I thought I looked a mess, but I was cheerful and we were having fun, and it really attracted my husband. On the other times, there have been some times when I inadvertently squelched romance by indulging in negative attitudes.

I think most men are attracted to warm smiles, bright eyes, sunny ways, and a joyful attitude. This truth extends even beyond romance. I think we need people in our lives whose attitude is generally faithful, calm, and encouraging.

That's not to say that we must always be happy-go-lucky. Nor, should we try to act as if we have it all under control all of the time. As we go through life, we will face real problems, real trials, and real temptations. If we care about others, we will also weep with those who are in heartbreaking situations. We want to keep that tender-hearted side that is able to mourn when mourning is appropriate.

In fact, facing and overcoming hardship together can bond the hearts of a husband and wife deeply. The key is to maintain faith and hope in suffering, rather than giving way to despair.

However, some women -- myself at times -- allow ourselves to be needlessly burdened. We fret, or we fume, or we allow discontent to creep into our lives, and we forget to count our blessings.

Other joy and romance killers are holding on to past wrongs, allowing oneself to become cynical or bitter, nagging, and focusing on the faults of others. It also hurts our husbands when we become so bogged down with the daily things of life that we completely lose our childlike sense of play.

Some women have an easier time maintaining a cheerful outlook than others do. Sometimes, this is a matter of inborn temperament; sometimes a result of past experiences; sometimes a result of current hardships; sometimes even a result of physical pain. No matter where we are on this scale, however, we can make progress toward a more joyful attitude. Paul was a man who suffered greatly, yet he showed us by his example how to be joyful in suffering.

Proverbs 5 talks to men about sexual purity. In it, it admonishes them to "Rejoice in the wife of your youth, as a loving hind and a graceful doe; Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; be exhilarated always with her love."

Even though this was written to men and asks them to regard us this way by faith, I aspire to really be more and more the kind of wife my husband can rejoice in. A side benefit is that having this attitude is a positive example for our children, as well. And, just as the chorus in the Song of Songs rejoiced the love of the husband and wife, other people also benefit when they see in us a joyful love for our husbands.



Hadias said...

A couldn't agree more. Cheerfulness is something that I had to work at, and it wasn't until my husband brought it to my attention did I realize that I wasn't cheerful.

I had the same countenence that my mother and aunts had, and didn't intitally realize that it was a problem until my husband and children told me that I always look angry. I was taken aback.

After that I began to monitor my facial expressions and what i was feeling and began to focus on the scriptures throughout my day.

This brought about a drastic change. I began to see my husband and children approach me more and more without apprehension.

We must be concious of our thought by not indulging in negative attitudes. I am so glad that I learned this lesson early on in my marraige.

Buffy said...

Cheerful and positive people are such a blessing.

It is important to remain happy unless we have a real cause to be sad. However, much of the time we are unhappy it is for a trivial reason.

Your post provides a good lesson for me as this is something I need to work on!

Elizabeth said...

Hi Hadias and Buffy,

Thanks for your comments. I like what you said Buffy about how important it is to remain happy unless we have a real cause to be sad.

Hadias, it' so true that sometimes our facial expressions can be forbidding even though we don't realize it. Ordinarily, the face mirrors the heart. But, I read something a few years ago that has really made me think. As we age, our faces drop a bit, which can create a frown around the eyes and a grim look around the mouth unless we work at keeping our face looking cheerful. The article said that young women are often intimidated by older women, because they think the older women are looking at them with disapproval. I thought about when I was young and how I sometimes felt like that around older women. So, now that I'm not quite so young, I think from time to time that I need to make sure I'm not sending the wrong message with my facial expression. That's especially true since I wear contacts and also have allergies that affect my eyes and sometimes my eyes will look a bit droopy.