God tells us in Isaiah 43:1-3a of his intimate care for his children. Then, he tells those of us who are his children not to fear.

Why did he tell us this? Perhaps, it is because it is our human nature to look at the circumstances of life and to become afraid. We so easily forget that God promised that he will bring his children safely through trials and will lead mothers and their young to heaven.

Isaiah 40:11 is perhaps my favorite verse when it comes to motherhood:

Like a shepherd He will tend His flock, In His arms He will gather the lambs and carry them gently in His bosom. He will gently lead the nursing ewes.

If you are God's child, Jesus walks with you in your parenting. He carries your children. He gently leads you! Isn't that a comforting thought? We can rest in that.

The admonition "Fear not" is especially important to wives and mothers. (I Peter 3:1-7). Have you ever noticed that when you learn you are going to have or adopt a child, you find things that you could worry about that you never thought of before!! You hear all kinds of information about the dangers of childhood. Your toddler finds things to stick in his or her mouth that you never dreamed of.

Then, new challenges come. Before you know it, they're out there driving in heavy traffic! You couldn't wait to get your own license, but it's a different thing altogether now that your baby has turned sixteen.

If we aren't careful, we mothers can take our eyes off the Lord and turn them to the "what if's" of life. The cure for that is to fear the Lord and not our "what ifs".

I look back now and see how God helped us through so many adventures in life and how he's still working in the lives of our family. It's my sinful nature, though, to be easily distracted with the worries of life. When my children were small, I found out that my mother was dying of a slow and painful disease. The church we were in faced some heavy questions about unity and direction. I was in a minor car accident with my children. Though my children were safe -- praise be to the Lord -- my neck was injured, which set me up for chronic pain. Also, my young and healthy body suddenly faced physical challenges that made me feel older than my years.

In the midst of all that, I found myself not doing as Jesus commanded, "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will take care of itself. Each day has enough troubles of its own."

If I was doing dishes, I was thinking how I needed to travel to help my dad with my mother. If I was with my kids, I was thinking of the dishes in the sink. If I was doing something with church, I was thinking about the things that needed doing at home and vice versa.

It wasn't always like that, of course. God gave me many wonderful times of faith and blessing. Still, that sin of worry was definitely a factor in my life.

If I had to do it over again, I'd be more in the moment. I'd would trust more in God's love and meditate more on passages such as Isaiah 43:1-31 and Isaiah 40:11. I would focus on whatever I was doing in that moment and let the next task worry about itself. Those moments with our young children are so precious, and they pass so quickly. We don't want to spend those moments in distraction, which is what worry is.

To overcome this tendency takes a growing faith and trust in God. I think we as women underestimate the effect that having a faithful, gentle, and calm spirit has on our household, on our neighbors, our friends, our extended family -- on all the people with whom we interact. (I Peter 3:1-7). God says this calm and gentle spirit is beautiful in his sight. Even if we are down to our last mustard seed of faith, God says he can do wonders with it.

Sometimes, we need the help of others to pray for us and to teach us from God's word and their lives how to have this calm and gentle spirit. I know that now, even though my children are adults, I still get advice and help in parenting from my husband and my closest friends in the Lord.

Having faith helps us to set priorities in parenting. If we understand from verses like Isaiah 43:1-3 God's desire to have an intimate relationship with us, we will place our highest priority on helping our children have a great relationship with God and with us. Of course, we want to teach them the practical aspects of life: how to study, how to work, etc. However, we will seek for them Christ's righteousness and his kingdom first. (Matthew 6:33). Our emphasis should be on character and obedience.

Too often young mothers become uptight over issues like potty training, when their child gives up nursing, if they are nursing just right to help their baby, when their baby walks, etc. Later on, they may focus on how their child dresses or make issues of other things.

A good question to ask ourselves as mothers is, "Is this a question of love, faith, obedience, or character? Is it a question of relationship?" If not, is this something I really want to make an issue of? Generally, a child has an inbuilt time for things like potty training, giving up nursing, walking, etc. We may need to help them gently, but these things are seldom issues of character and are generally not worth having battles over.

For example, suppose your child is old enough to make some clothing choices for him- or her-self. The child dresses modestly. However, the child's taste is quite different from yours --at least in this stage of life. If the child is not sinning in the mode of dress, perhaps you might allow them to make some choices you wouldn't make. Kids outgrow fads, anyway. Now, if the child's choices reflect immodesty, impurity, selfishness, undue materialism, or a general attitude of rebellion -- that's another matter.

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

He Calls Me by Name!
Part II: Moms and Isaiah 43:1-3a

Being a mother has taught me a lot about God's love. God uses many examples drawn from the parent/child relationship to teach us truths about his infinite and perfect care for us. Whenever we need to understand this better, we can turn to these examples for help.

In Isaiah 43:1-3a, God tells his children that he formed them; redeemed them, and called them by name. He says to them, "You are Mine!".

God created us. He formed us. Thus, he knows what makes us tick. He knows what we need and when we need it. He knows what makes us sad and what makes us happy. He knows what is best for us, even when we can't see it ourselves.

It's exciting to me that he calls His own by name. This idea is made even more personal in John 10:3-5, where Jesus tells us that God calls his individual sheep by name.

"and the sheep hear his voice, and he calls his own sheep by name, and leads them out..the sheep follow him because they know his voice and a stranger they simply will not follow, but will flee."

Jesus offers us such a beautiful intimacy of relationship! Jesus watches over each of us who are His. He invites us to know him on such a deep level that we respond to His voice. He invites each of us by name to follow Him.

Isn't there something special about hearing someone you love or care about call your name? Do you remember being picked to be on someone's team for a game on the playground? Weren't you glad to hear your name called? Didn't it make you feel wanted? Or, was there a time when your name didn't get called or you got called last? Do you remember how forlorn that made you feel? I do.

Or, was there ever a time in your childhood when you were frightened by the dark and you cried out? Did you hear a parent call your name as he or she came walking toward your room? Once you heard your parent's voice, didn't that make everything all right? If a young child is upset, he doesn't respond well to a stranger's voice. He wants Mommy or Daddy.

Even now that I am an adult, I love my husband's voice. If I am upstairs when he comes home and I hear him calls my name, it delights me. If he travels out of town, and I hear his voice on the phone, calling my name, it comforts me.

In the same way, if we know Jesus, we love hearing his voice in the Word. We run to it. We seek it out. We follow the sound of his voice. We obey his teaching, because we trust His love and wisdom.

In listening to Jesus' voice, we are protected from following the stranger's voice. The stranger's voice calls to us loudly and often. (Proverbs Chapter Nine)

Sometimes, the stranger will disguise his voice so that it seems innocent. When Jesus spoke of going to the cross in Matthew 16, Peter tried to stop him. Perhaps, the cross didn't fit Peter's view of what the Messiah had come to do. Or, perhaps, he didn't want his teacher and friend to suffer.

Jesus turned and said to Peter, "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me for you are not setting your mind on God's interests, but man's." Jesus knew God's voice, and he knew that Peter's advice at that moment was not in line with God's will. He looked past Peter and saw Satan's influence. His intimate knowledge of God's voice kept him from following some well-meant, but totally wrong, advice from a beloved disciple. In the same way, we need to know Christ's voice so intimately that we will not follow the stranger's influence, no matter through what source it comes.

It won't be until we get to heaven that we finally see the Lord face to face. Right now, we hear his voice through his word and through His Spirit within us.

In the same way, our own voice is the first thing our children will hear in many situations. Perhaps, they will wake up in the morning and hear us talking. Or, maybe, they will be away at camp and hear our voice on the phone. Perhaps, they are sick and in a clinic, and they hear our voice before we reach the clinic door. We want always to speak to our children in a manner that they associate our voice with love, guidance, and reassurance. Even when we must speak firmly to them, we want to do so in a way that they know it is because we love them. We want to spend enough time with them that they know our voice intimately, and we also know their voice -- their thoughts, impressions, hurts, and delights. We also want to point our children to Jesus' voice through the Scriptures so that they are prepared to hear His call.

Our voice in our children's lives is very profound, and we should be mindful of both the words we say and the way we say them. A study of what proverbs has to say about speech is always helpful to a wife and/or mother.

Isn't it beautiful that we can hear Jesus' voice through the Bible? Doesn't that make you want to read it, memorize it, and follow the instructions in it? If you ever doubt if you are important to God, remember that Jesus invites you by name to follow Him. He knows your name, and He knows the names of your children. Our part is to believe Him. Simple faith bids us to come when He calls and to follow where He leads. (John 10:26-27).

If we know Jesus' voice now, one day we will hear Him call our name, telling us to come home. As the song says, "Won't that be a day!"

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

Musings on Mothers and Isaiah 43:1-3a -- Part I

Isaiah 43:1-3 is one of the most beloved promises that God made to Israel and one that means a lot to those who believe in Jesus name. It reads

But now, thus says the Lord, your Creator, O Jacob, and He who formed you, O Israel. Do not fear for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine! When you pass through the waters, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you, For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

This verse is not specifically about motherhood. It does, however, have a lot to say to those of us who bear (or adopt) and rear children.

Next to your relationship to your God and your relationship to your husband and helping someone else become a disciple of Jesus, there are few experiences as profound in life as being a mom. It's a joy and a delight -- one of the most fulfilling gifts from the Lord. Yet, it's also an awesome responsibility.

God understands that motherhood is both wonderful and terrifying. From the moment that we find out we are pregnant or adopting to the instant that we first hold that new precious life in our arms and know God has entrusted that little soul and body to our keeping to toddler-hood to teenage years to seeing our children become adults, we go through a gamut of emotions.

I think about Mary. First, an angel appeared to her! How marvelous that must have been. The angel brought astonishing and wondrous news: Mary was to bear the Messiah -- the promised Son of God who would redeem us all (and her) from sin. How incredible! Then came the moment when some people looked at her and did not believe that she was innocently pregnant out of wedlock. Even her own fiance thought about putting her away quietly, until an angel explained the matter to him. Then, Simeon and Anna pronounced wonderful blessings for her son, yet also told her that a sword would pierce her own soul. She raised her precious boy, and the scriptures show that sometimes she grasped the significance of Jesus (John 2:4-6) and, sometimes, she didn't quite understand his mission. (Mark 3:20-21, Mark 3:31-35) . She watched her son die of crucifixion, and perhaps it was then that the sword pierced her soul. Then, how elated she must have been to see him risen!

To a lesser extent, we too have moments of sheer joy and wonder as we raise our children, as well as moments of trial. Look what God says to us as we live through the experiences of motherhood. He describes his love for his children: He formed them; He redeemed them; he called them by name. He says, "You are Mine!"

God doesn't say that his people are never going to face problems. In fact, they will pass through waters and fire. However, he promises to walk with them through the trials. He promises the faithful that the trials will perfect and not destroy their faith. (James 1:1-4).

If our children see us hold on to this and many other promises in the Bible during the joyful times and during the trying times, it will mold their faith, as well. So, for the next few posts, I'll be meditating on this verse from the point of view of a mother. Come and join me as we explore God's great love and how His love for us can overflow into our love for our children.

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

Next time: He calls us by name!

Health: Reducing Inflammation in the Body

As you know, one of my projects this summer is to work on my husband's and my health. We both see a need to work on this. So far, my studies are leading me to conclude that inflammation in the body is a big key to many of our health issues. (Keep in mind I'm no medical doctor). It seems that every health article Ive been reading leads back to this issue of inflammation in the body. It seems that it affects allergies, heart disease, gum disease, allergies, digestive troubles, psoriasis, Alzheimer's, immune disorders, fatigue, weight, and even wrinkles! I'm not sure if it's a cause or an effect or an agent that makes a preexisting condition worse.

By the way, if you want one quick tip to start dealing with inflammation in your body -- listen to mama and the dentist -- Floss, Floss, Floss!! This not only helps your teeth and gums, but your arteries.

Here are some articles you might like to read concerning this topic. Please note that because I refer to a site, that does not mean that I endorse everything that site stands for. When it comes to our health, we must be careful about what sources of information we listen to. Some sites want to sell you products or services. Others rely on medical information that has not yet been proven. So, read with a discerning eye. Having said that, I do think the information in these specific articles is useful.

Oprah's Doc and The Skin Doc: Inflammation and Aging
Woman to Woman: Reducing Inflammation Naturally
Reel in Inflammation
MSNBC Your Diet and Inflammation

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

Refresh The Bed Day....

It's allergy season, plus I'm still spring cleaning even though it's summer. I was reminded by an old post of Flylady's in my in box that it's time to do a periodic refreshening of my bed. In keeping with that mission, I'm washing the dust ruffle, mattress toppers, sheets, blankets, quilt, extra winter quilt, shams, etc. I'm fluffing the pillows in the dryer. I've sprayed the mattress with Febreeze Allergen Reducer. I will ask DH if he will mind helping me rotate the mattress tonight so that it will wear better.

Since we spend a good portion of our life sleeping and since the bedroom is also where we share happy moments with our husbands, recuperate from being tired or ill, or simply curl up with a good book at times -- it's well worth keeping our bed fresh and nice. Additionally, tending to the bed helps keep allergens down and makes for healthier sleep. And, healthier sleep makes for a healthier life.

I must confess that the one part of my bed(s) that I neglect is the dust ruffle. I can't remember the last time I washed that. So, I'm happy to tend to this little chore. After all, while we think of dust ruffles as being decorative, their purpose is actually to catch dust, and, thus, they need washing.

Since DH and I both have allergies, I wash what I can of my bedding in hot water in order to kill dust mites. In general, I prefer not to use hot water for washing, but this is one case where I view it as being necessary.

The irony of allergy/asthma season is that is when a home keeper should be most vigilant about her cleaning, vacuuming, and dusting and when this winded home keeper feels least like doing it! Here in Tennessee, we had a weekend when the air quality was extra poor, and I really felt it. After some fronts have moved through, I have more energy to tackle these important tasks.

I would love to take my mattresses outside and beat the dust out of them and let the sunlight kill any microbes, dust mites, etc. I'm not sure if that would be the good thing to do, though, given our area's continually high pollen count. I'm wondering if I'd end up catching more sneeze and wheeze producing molecules! If you live in a high allergy area like I do, I'd love it if you would let me know how you handle this.

For all my blog-o-sphere friends, I'd love to hear what you do to keep your bed and bedroom lovely and fresh.

Jesus and Mission....

A few posts back, I was ruminating about mission statements. Living (and managing our home) with a clear focus in mind gives us direction for our life. It enables us to choose what is best, even when faced with a number of choices that might be acceptable or good. It helps us to walk purposefully and to get back on track quickly if life temporarily knocks us off course. It pleases our Lord.

Jesus was very clear about his mission. Every day, he was faced with temptations to lose focus, just as we are. (Hebrews 4:15). Satan tempted him to take the easy way out of the glorious goal that God had set before Him. (Matthew 4:1-11, Matthew 16:22-24, Mark 15:29-31). People tried to involve him in their political schemes, which was not the battle he had come to fight. (John 6:15) The Pharisees and other religious figures constantly tested him with questions. Multitudes sought healing from him, and some of them were in line with his mission, while others were following him for selfish reasons. (John 5:26-29).

In the midst of all of that, Jesus chose everything that was best -- everything that perfectly conformed to His Father's will. He did not drift along in life, but steadily walked toward his goal. He knew when to move on, and when to stop to help someone. He didn't carry a day-timer, but his life was fruitful and obedient because he always lived with his Father's will and his mission in mind.

In John 8:29, he said, " The one who sent me is with me; he has not left me alone, for I always do what pleases him." Jesus knew his Father intimately, and He was one with Him. He knew God's priorities, and He was able to choose accordingly. He also knew exactly why he had come to Earth and also that He would return to the Father once his mission was completed.

In John 13:1, God gives us a beautiful portrait of how this focus manifested itself in love for the disciples: Now before the feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that His hour had come that He should depart from this world to the Father, having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end...Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going to God, rose from supper and laid aside His garments, took a towel and girded Himself. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples' feet."

Sometimes, we have insecurities, prideful thoughts, and fear when it comes to serving humbly. Jesus had none of these, for He knew who God was, knew who He was, knew what his purpose was, and knew he'd be going to heaven.

The topic of how Jesus lived purposefully when He was on this Earth is too large to cover in a blog post. Below are just a few statements that show how Jesus' mind was fixed on the purpose God had given him.

John 4:24: My food," said Jesus, "is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work.

Luke 19;10 "for the Son of Man has come to seek and to save the lost."

John 10:10 "I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly."

Mark 2:17: I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance."

Mark 1:38 "Let us go into the next towns, that I may preach there also, because for thsi purpose, I have come forth."

I John 2:6 says, "He who says He abides in Him ought Himself to walk just as He walked."

For the true Christian, being saved by grace and being in fellowship with Christ motivates us to walk with Him and walk as He did. It means learning from Him and taking on his heart and his mission. This keeps our life directed toward those things which are eternally important, rather than being distracted by all the cares and pleasures of the world. (Matthew 6;33, Luke 10:40-41)

I know for myself that when I let go of this focus, my walk with Christ becomes vague. I have generally good intentions, but they do not come into shape. I become, like Martha in Luke 10, distracted and encumbered.

When I do keep God's specific purposes for our lives in focus, then I bear more specific fruits of obedience. I move from having a superficial form of godliness to experiencing its power in my life.

We want to live according to Jesus purposeful example because it pleases the Lord. However, it also blesses our life. It gives meaning to our days. It helps us choose the best from a wide variety of activities. It gives us confidence and peace. It frees us from feeling burdened by the urgent.

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

Asthma Alert

I may be the last person with asthma in the U.S. to hear this, but when I was checking out the story about tomatoes and salmonella, I came across this:

FDA Advises Patients to Switch to HFA-Propelled Albuterol Inhalers Now
CFC-propelled inhalers no longer available as of Dec. 31, 2008

I have an Albuterol inhaler, but I use it only very rarely. I guess I'll have to find out about the news ones, as they seem to require cleaning and priming. Anyhow, I thought I'd pass this along in case you have anyone in your family with asthma.

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

It's An Enchanting Life -- Sort of...




DH and I watched the movie Enchanting last night. As most of you know, it is a light-hearted spoof of Disney fairy tale movies, and it gets its humor from transporting cartoon characters into the real world. There's a hilarious send-up of the Disney Girl who sings a happy song and animals appear to help her clean.

Today, some people fear to expose their daughters to literature and movies which might lead a girl to wish for a Prince Charming to come along. Well, I met my Prince Charming in 1979, before some of you were even born, so I am blissfully happy in that area. However, I just cannot get animals to do my housework. I have tried singing at the cat, but she just looks at me. :)

Enjoy this snippet of the original happy working song from Snow White.

Elizabeth

Fun with Fragrance -- G-Rated

1. Why is it that a perfume that is lovely for your best friend in December is so off when you try it on your own skin in July? Well, the aroma of a perfume depends not only on the perfume's ingredients, but on your body chemistry, your body temperature, and the season. Be sure to try a fragrance on your own skin before buying it. Also, be aware that you may need to wear a lighter scent in the summer and a somewhat heavier scent in the winter. Also, as your diet changes or you move into a different season of life, your body chemistry may change and you may want to re-consider your signature scent.
2. Try on a perfume and walk around for a while before deciding if you like it. Perfume has three "notes": top notes -- or scent molecules that evaporate quickly, middle notes -- or scents that appear just before the top notes evaporate and base notes -- which become apparent about thirty minutes after you have applied the perfume. The top notes are what gives you your initial impression of a perfume. They attract you to the scent. However, because they leave so quickly, the middle notes provide the actual heart of the perfume's scent. The base notes come in and provide richness. The middle and base notes determine how the perfume will wear on you.
3. There are many fun quizzes and methods on the Internet and in books and magazines for choosing a perfume. The quizzes are fun to take and might give you some insight into what type of perfume will appeal to you. Perhaps, you enjoy a single floral scent, such as rose, or you might enjoy a perfume that has a floral bouquet. Or, you might like citrus or fruity scents. Perhaps, chypres or green scents are your thing. Or, maybe you like scents that have a food theme -- such as vanilla. Certain personalities are attracted to certain types of perfumes: mysterious, light and feminine, sporty, etc. Again, however, the real test is when you actually apply a particular perfume and live with it for a few minutes.
4. When you apply perfume, do not rub it. This damages the molecules of the scent and ruins the effect.
5. Strive for an amount of perfume that leaves just a pleasant whiff as you pass by. Think in terms of someone next to you being able to detect your perfume. You don't want your scent to proceed a block ahead of you! Reapply as needed throughout the day. Remember, though, that your nose will become accustomed to your perfume, and you may think it has worn off though it hasn't.

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

Commitment to Loveliness:

Otherwise known here at the Merry Rose as "The Esther Plan" and "Operation Hubs Health."

Loveliness Goals for the week:
1) water and tend to garden
2) continue to use up lotions and perfumes -- keep skin soft and fragrant while using up excess products
3) vitamins self and hub
4) exercise
5) think of ways to provide some nice relaxing time for DH

Fragrance in Marriage
(Note: This article is intended for married women.)

How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice! Song of Songs 4:10

Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes, your name is like perfume poured out. No wonder the maidens love you! Song of Songs 1:3

In the book, The Five Sense of Romantic Love, the author uses a lovely phrase:
"...a refreshing breeze of cleanliness, care, and fragrance." Isn't that a pretty thought?

Do you have special memories of a perfume used by your mother or a favorite female relative? How about a cologne used by your father? Do you remember your own first perfume? A whiff of lovely scent is one of the most powerful ways to stir memories. We have but to open a drawer where a loved one's sachet lies, and we instantly think of all the wonderful things we love about them.

Using an alluring aroma wisely can be a great way to build romantic and loving memories with your husband. (The woman in Song of Songs enjoyed her husband's fragrance as well and the same principles of cleanliness and pleasant scent apply to our dear hubs, as well. But, since this blog is for women, we'll concentrate on our part of the aura.)

If you read through Song of Songs, you get the idea that the husband and wife were careful to keep their person clean and fresh (including intimate areas), and, on top of that, they chose perfumes to delight the other spouse. This becomes extra important, I think, in hot weather, as you age, during certain seasons of womanhood, etc. Women at midlife, when hormones are fluctuating as rapidly as during puberty and hot flashes cause extra perspiration, often find that it's more challenging to stay fresh.

Here are some thoughts on using fragrance to delight our husbands:

1) Study what the Bible has to say about aromas, fragrances, etc. Note how fragrance is often used as an image to teach us about spiritual things: Christians are the aroma of Christ; the prayers of the saints come up before God like incense, etc. Also take note of how fragrance is used in its literal sense, particularly in Song of Songs. Think of what "aroma" you'd like to project, both from your heart and literally.
2) Learn the best ways to keep your lingerie dainty and clean. Tuck a sachet or an empty, open perfume bottle in your lingerie drawer. Change this as the scent fades away. Even a perfume card torn from a magazine will add fragrance to your unmentionables. Be especially careful to make sure bras are fresh.
3) Learn the best ways to keep yourself bathed and clean, particularly when it comes to our intimate hygiene. In the old days, women made use of frequent douching. Doctors discourage this now, because it can lead to infections. Discuss with your physician and make your best health decision. If you have a problem with feminine odor, it is especially important to talk with your physician. Sometimes, there are little physical concerns that need to be cleared up in order to stay fresh. Also, certain chemical changes may create odors, and your doctor can explain how to handle this if you are not already aware. Don't let embarrassment stop you from seeking medical help. Doctors generally take a very practical attitude toward the body and its various functions and are not offended when you discuss sensitive matters.
Study and make your best health decision concerning the products that are designed to help us stay fresh and clean, particularly with regard to feminine areas. You probably already have your favorite shampoo, soap, body wash, intimate products, etc., but it doesn't hurt to investigate what's new now and again.
4) What kind of scent does your husband respond to? Does he prefer a natural clean scent, a floral perfume, a spicy perfume, etc. Sometimes, what appeals to us may not be the same perfume that appeals to our husbands. We can wear what makes us feel good in certain situations but use hubby's favorite scent for special times together. Note: Your husband's tastes may change as he moves through ages and stages. So, take note. My husband recently surprised me by complimenting a perfume I had not worn in a while. He hadn't noticed it in the past, but, for some reason, it suddenly seemed very pleasant to him. So, keep current with your husband's likes.
5) With perfume, you often get what you pay for. Inexpensive scents from places like Bath and Body Works can be fun, but it's also great to have a bottle of a fine perfume on hand. Save up or ask for it as a present. It doesn't have to be the most expensive perfume ever made, just something of good quality.
6) Perfume doesn't last forever. You can prolong its life by placing it in the fridge, but only to a certain extent. Use what you have!
7) Here's a tip from the Five Sense of Love: (About the couple in Song of Songs) Fragrance was in the room and in the air all around them. Lovemaking is all about atmosphere and fragrance is a key element in setting the right mood. How is the ambiance in your bedroom? Been lighting any scented candles lately? How about the bed itself -- the sheets, the pillows, the bedspread, are they clean and fresh?" My note: Some hubbies like candles, some don't. If your husband isn't big on them, there are other ways to scent a room. Try a perfume ring on a lamp or place a drop of perfume on a light bulb before lighting it. Spray a whiff of perfume on the sheets.
8) Perfumes and scents can be a concern for people with allergies. Be considerate about where you wear scent, especially if you use a heavier perfume. If you hubby is the one who is allergic to perfumes, all is not lost. You can concentrate on freshness and cleanliness.
9) Don't forget about the freshness and cleanliness of your mouth. In Song of Songs, both the husband and the wife found their spouse's breath to be pleasant. Attend to dental hygiene. Make regular visits to the dentist. Floss! Floss not only when you've just been to the dentist and its on your mind; make it a habit! If you need and enjoy them, keep breath mints on hand.
10) Remember, some scents leave an unpleasant taste on the body. This is not an issue except in intimate settings. Be creative about where you place scents or use scents that do have a pleasant and safe taste. You don't want to enhance one sense at the expense of another.

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

If you choose to accept this mission....

Ok, I've been talking about it long enough. DH and I seriously need to attend to our jars of clay so that, Lord willing, we can enter our later decades still able to serve. Already, we are facing some health issues that we need to get a grip on now, before they worsen.

I love the promise in Psalm 92:14: They will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green. Of course, that's referring to God's action in us. However, I do want to do my little part to be good stewards of the bodies God has given us.

DH has a very stressful job and is also busy with church, so he really needs my help if he is going to maintain good health. Right now, he is laid up with an injury, which makes exercising harder. So, my plan is to do whatever I can without nagging, pushing, etc. I call this "Operation Healthy Hubs".

Along the way, I need to shape up and spruce up, as well. So, I'm also embarking on my Esther plan. I'm taking my theme from Esther 2:12 -- for there were these days of their preparation: six months with oil of myrrh and six months with perfumes and preparations for beautifying women."

Now, we all know that the secret of Esther's being selected queen is that it was in God's plan. And, I'm sure that the reason she stood out to the king was because of the inner qualities prompted by her faith. But, this verse sort of inspires me to pay attention to my health and loveliness. I pray to do so without getting out of balance. I want my beauty to arise from a calm and gentle spirit and faith in God.

I also think of the woman in Song of Songs. She was pleasant and delightful for her husband. Again, there are hints of her inner character in the book. Outwardly, she was fragrant, clean, and a creative companion for her husband, as well.

So, I guess this is my way of "Fighting the Frump" as Mrs. Fussypants so valiantly encourages us to do. It's also my commitment to loveliness as Emma of Charming the Birds from the Trees inspires us to do. The main goal though is health, health, health -- if the Lord so wills.

Two happy things to report: I have been losing weight just from being on the right dose of thyroid medication. I have a family history of thyroid problems. I urge you to have that checked out if you find yourself feeling run down and if you have any other symptoms of hypothyroidism.

Also, my doctor tells me that calcium with Vitamin D is not only good for your bones, but also has been proven to ease monthly irritability as well. I've just started taking it consistently, but I'm already finding that to be true.

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

The Mission Statement...Part I

We all know that one principle of founding and operating a commercial business is to formulate a mission statement. (Who can forget the famous scene in Jerry McGuire where Jerry gets carried away in the middle of the night and concocts a long mission statement that gets him into trouble the next day?) When properly written and used, a mission statement helps company executives and workers keep their focus on why they do what they do.

Here's how Wikipedia defines a mission statement: A mission statement is a brief statement of the purpose of a company, religious group, or organization. Companies sometimes use their mission statement as an advertising slogan, but the intention of a mission statement is to keep members and users aware of the organization's purpose.

Mission statements focus on the values, purpose, and vision of an organization. Organizations and individuals who create mission statements and keep them in the forefront of their mind will find that their statements give them direction. They won't be tempted to get sidetracked pursuing things that don't further their main objectives. They will focus on things that do bring them closer to their goal.

Many woman have created lovely mission statements for keeping their homes. Some state their mission statements for writing their blogs, as well.

I'm in the process of creating a new vision statement for that part of my life as a keeper at home. Of course, my overall missions come from the Lord. I suppose there are a number of ways the Lord phrases the plans he has for us, though, of course, every instruction of his complements every other instruction and points us in one direction. Here are a few examples of mission statements we could take from the Bible:

Matthew 28:18-20 -- And Jesus came up and spoke to them, saying, All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age."

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness." Matthew 6:33

"And he answered and said, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself. " Luke 11:27

"Then Jesus said to them all, if anyone wishes to come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me." Matthew 16:24.

"For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works that no one should boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:8-10

Many people choose life verses or they keep a list of "anchor verses". One verse that I refer to time and time again is "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Acknowledge him in all your ways, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6. I keep going back to that one, because that seems to be something I consistently need to put into practice.

Of course, we want to take in the whole counsel of God and not just lift our favorite verses out. Many a person or group has erred by building their whole doctrine on isolated verses without seeing how it fits into the larger will of God as expressed in the scriptures. But, if we keep the larger context in mind, remembering and reviewing some key verses helps us stay focused on what is most important in life: loving God with all our being and loving others as ourselves.

Of course, there are verses which define our role in the home as well. Proverbs 31 and Titus 2 provide us with two of the most commonly mentioned ones.

As far as drawing up mission statements for the home, here are three I've enjoyed reading:

Like Merchant Ships My Homekeeping Mission
I'll let you visit this one yourself. It's a lovely example of a statement that is clear, focused, and represents what the author is all about.

Here's a mission from Kathy Peel's book, "The Family Manager": "I oversee a small organization -- Where hundreds of decisions are made daily, where property and resources are managed, where health and nutritional needs are determined, where finances and futures are discussed and debated, where projects are planned and events are arranged, where transportation and scheduling are critical, where team-building is a priority, where careers begin and end. I oversee a small organization: I am a Family Manager.

Here's one from a blogger named Lady Lydia:




So, what about you? What is your mission statement for your life at home. Please leave a comment or link to your home keeping mission statement.

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

Love Always Trusts....I Corinthians 13

As with all of God's instructions, there's so much power in these three little words in I Corinthians: Love Always Trusts. Creating an atmosphere of trust in your home is essential for a happy, thriving marriage and for the good of your children.

There was a time when my husband and I disagreed over trivial things -- such as how to fold towels. Later on, we'd wonder why these things were such a big deal. We discovered that it boiled down to a lack of trust in each other's heart. We invested even little things with doubts about each other.

We thought things like this: "If she loved me, she would..." or "She goofed up in that area, because she just doesn't care." "If he loved me, he would..." or "He acted that way because he's just mean."

We would assign motives before really talking things out, which I believe falls under Jesus admonitions against judging shallowly and falsely. We learned -- the hard way -- that it is always better to approach each other with an attitude of trust.

Our thinking changed to something like this: "He (or she) may be goofing up or even sinning in
the moment. This may be something that we do need to talk about. But, I have faith that we can get beyond this. I know that this is not what he (she) really wants deep inside. I know that he (she) loves God and that he (she) loves me. He (she) is a new creation in Christ, and that is his (her) true nature.

We stopped taking each other's quirks, little failings, and differences of opinions so personally. We started looking to each other's better nature and also putting our ultimate trust in God. Of course, we are not perfect in this. But, this is something that we learned that has added joy and richness to our love. Now, we can discuss problems -- even larger problems --calmly and with faith that God will lead us to work things out.

We learned the same thing with our children. As they have grown older, at different times, they have struggled with different things. Their faith has been tested in areas. We have learned -- in part because of great advice from other parents -- that our children will weather these storms much better if they know we have faith in God and in them. If children are going through a shaky time in life and they sense their parents are panicking over them, they will lose faith that they can make it through a time of trial. Conversely, if they are uncertain about something pertaining to growing up, they will handle it so much better if our faith is a refuge for them.

Now, that's not to say that we shouldn't be urgent for a spouse or a child who is floundering spiritually. But, there is a difference between urgency and giving way to fear and a lack of trust. Urgency, when combined with faith, moves us to pray, to speak the truth in love, and to look for ways to serve someone. Fear and lack of trust causes us to be critical, anxious, nagging, and ineffectual in helping someone overcome their problems.

In one of my favorite passages, Peter tells wives that we are Sarah's daughters if we do what is right and do not give way to fear. He tells us that the beauty of the holy women of the past was that they put their hope in God. Because their hope was in God, they were able to trust that God would take care of them, even if their husbands were not perfect.

Trust helps us in friendships, as well. We may see a friend act or hear them speak in a way that we do not understand at first. If we do not trust, we may be quick to put the wrong interpretation on that. It could be something as simple as thinking someone did not smile at us when they saw us at church. We then wonder, "Have I done something to offend her? Does she not like me anymore?" Later on, we may find out that our friend was battling a migraine or had just received some disturbing news. If we have a heart of trust, we will avoid reacting to things until we know the full story.

Trust involves thinking of the other person before we think of ourselves. If we are self-focused, we will react to others out of fear, self-protectiveness, and over-concern for our own feelings in a situation. If we are God-focused, we will trust, be patient, and find out the facts before we re-act.

In short: Be real about problems, but hold on to faith and love. Love always trusts...

For further study: I Corinthians 13:1-7, James 1:2-4, I Peter 2:20 through I Peter 3:9

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

Let's Review --
Simplicity Dryer Sheets

Has anyone tried the Simplicity hypoallergenic/non-toxic/biodegradable fabric softener/dryer sheets from WalMart?

I have bought other dryer sheets and fabric softeners, but, honestly, I do not use them very much. I decided yesterday that with the humid weather coming, I'd like to use something to keep my fabrics soft and fresh. So, I decided to browse the fabric care section.

The first thing to catch my eye about the Simplicity dryer sheets is that they are hypoallergenic. We are in serious allergy season here, and I could try out for a part in Snow White as Sneezy or Wheezy or Sleepy. Any little thing I can do to avoid extra allergens right now is a bonus.

Only after I checked out this hypoallergenic claim did I realize that the sheets are also supposed to be earth friendly.

I bought the unscented kind, and the lack of scent is probably at least a contributing factor to their being hypoallergenic. I read this morning that Simplicity also offers a lavender scented kind, also. I didn't think this through very well, as fabric freshness is at least as important to me as the softness factor -- especially in summer. So, I do not know if an unscented fabric softener will impart freshness. However, softness is important to DH, so I am interested to see if he will like the results of a drying with these sheets as much as he does when I use something like Downy.

For a non-toxic product, the Simplicity box carries a lot of warnings about the proper use. Most of these precautions are the kind you see on any cleaning product: not to be ingested, if swallowed call physician immediately, flush eyes with water if it comes into contact with eyes, keep away from pets and children.

It's also not to be used on flame resistant items, as it reduces flame resistance. I do not have small children in the house, so that is not an issue for me. But, if I were still washing children's jammies, I wonder if I would have seen that note on the box before buying it.

You see, dryer sheets are such a common item, I assumed I knew how to use it without reading all of the fine print. I was in a hurry to get groceries put away and to move laundry through the process, and I was eager to try a new product. So, I just tossed a sheet in without reading the directions.

Consequently, I also missed the fact that you are supposed to divide the perforated sheet into two sections and throw both sections into the dryer. This is to keep one large sheet from clogging up the dryer vents and causing a fire. Fortunately, I did not cause a fire.

Anyhow, this was a good reminder to me to read everything on a box before you purchase a new item or even a familiar item in a different brand than you normally use. And, likewise, if there are any inside instructions, you should read those before using.

The box says there is a chance of the sheets spotting fabric, but it gives simple directions for remedying this. I had no problems with spotting on my first trial.

So far, I have only used the sheets once, and that was for white bedsheets. The bedsheets are soft, but they tend to be soft, anyway, so I can't tell a discernible difference. So, it's too early for me to comment about the fabric softener sheet's performance.

However, I'm happy to see that manufacturers are attempting to provide affordable health-friendly and environment-friendly products.

If you'd like to check out Simplicity's line, visit their web site at www.simplicityclean.com.

If you have used these dryer sheets, I'd love to hear your review. Leave a comment!

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

Where I'm From.

I am from sunshine on seawater, from beach food, from Durkees' on French fries and cherries floating in cokes, from shrimp fried in Mayport.

I am from a home in which I was loved and sung to and read to and rocked, I am from a home that I could always count on to be home, from a home in which in which my parents grew old together, from a home that moved -- love intact -- from north Florida's gardens to Atlanta's suburban lawns.

I am from roses, from magnolias, from dogwoods, and azaleas, from kumquats and crepe myrtles, from sour woods, and towering pines. I am from the strong arms of live oaks, and the tender fronds of weeping willows.

I am from generations upon generations of Tennessee farmers and from Southern talkers, from the keepers of family history and from those who live long. I am from a father who tenderly nursed my mother through the long years and years of her dying.

I am from Victorian grandparents and I am from modern times. I am from the days of watching rocket ships lauched from Cape Canaveral, from TV shots of landing on the moon, from blow-dryers to personal computers to laptops to I-pods, from Yardley and Bonnie Bell to Prescriptives.

I am from the joy of reading, from Winnie-the-Pooh and Dr. Seuss. I am from churches in pretty buildings in big cities, and I am from a little church in the country, where the sermon was accompanied by the swishing of fans, fans provided by the local funeral parlor.

I am snatched from days lost in prodigal wanderings and in older "brother" grumblings. I from God's hands, from Christ's blood, from the Spirit's word, from the cross and the resurrection, from the new birth in baptism, from the school of Jesus.

I'm from the South, from Florida and Georgia and Texas and Alabama and Tennessee. I am from fried chicken and biscuits and buttermilk pie. I am from cats napping on beds, from afternoons in porch swings, from breezes blowing in through open windows.

I am from men and women who turned wilderness into plantations and farms, from men who fought in the American Revolution and the Civil War, and from women who held things together while they were gone, from parents who lived through the Depression and World War II.

I am from my husband's faith, his love, his hugs, his laughter, and his support, and I am from my children's kisses, their smiles, their love, and their joy.

I have from wondrous places and from astonishing times -- from mostly sweet and from sometimes bitter -- and, still, I am on my way home.

***

I got the idea to write this after reading Lori Seaborg's post on Keeping the Home. She gave a link to this template: http://www.swva.net/fred1st/wif.htm

I love this template, because 1) it makes you think and 2) it is a way for someone who is not a poet -- like moi, the non-poet -- to express herself in verse. Well, after reading this, you may think that #2 is a bit of a stretch. :)

Check out Lori's version of Where I'm From: Where I'm From -- Lori

If you do one, I'd love to know.

Enjoy!

Elizabeth

Why your role in the home will always be important...

Here's an interesting quote from Kathy Peel, who wrote an excellent book entitled, "The Family Manager":

"If you suddenly won the lottery or inherited a large sum of money and were able to hire a full-time cook, housekeeper, chauffeur, gardener, handyman, social director, accountant and secretary, there's still one department you'd still have to personally oversee -- family members and friends. No one else can be a wife to your husband, a mother to your children, a daughter to your parents, a daughter-in-law to your in-laws, a sister to your siblings, or a friend to your friends."

There's no doubt that managing the physical aspects of homemaking is important. But, why? Because of relationships. Out of gratitude, we want to be good stewards of all that God has given us. Because we love our families, we want to provide them with spiritual training, clean and pleasant homes, good and nourishing food, suitable clothing, health care, education, etc. Because we have been loved, we are urgent to share love with others.

Some of us will be able to hire others to take care of certain aspects of homemaking. After all, the worthy woman had servants. However, the woman who can pay others to do some physical work must not assume that, simply by doing so, she has fulfilled all that she is called to be in her home. She is still needed to be a loving, guiding presence in the family.

Perhaps, one reason why people undervalue the importance of a woman's role as wife and mother is because they fail to understand the heart of it. Maybe, when we, ourselves, find our enthusiasm flagging -- as we all do at times -- it's because we temporarily forget why we do what we do.

We get into trouble when we reduce the larger mission of making a home to the purely mechanical performance of household tasks. Of course, there are many domestic jobs that the keeper at home must attend to, either by doing them herself or by delegating them. After all, as the quote goes, "Love is in the details", and there are a myriad details that make up the physical care of a household. However, of even greater importance is the heart of a woman. This sets the tone of her home, whether the woman can afford outside help or not.

Here's an example of what I mean: Two women can each scrub a toilet. One can grumble as she does it, feeling picked on because this chore has fallen to her, feeling demeaned by having to do what in her eyes is a menial act, and regretting that it will only need to be performed again soon. Another will think of how delightful and healthful it will be for her family members and for her guests (and for herself) to have clean facilities to use, how grateful she is to live in modern times with indoor plumbing, of how thankful she is to have the physical strength to serve, and of how she wants to show love even in this small act.

Love -- it makes all the difference.

Enjoy!
elizabeth

Adorning the Home with Intangible Collections

Collecting objects according to a theme is one way to express individuality and creativity in your home. We've all seen items grouped together to make a charming display: teacups, baskets, and shells are three popular items to collect. At one time, I collected country French roosters and hens and still use some in my kitchen.

As lovely as these collections can be, there is another kind of collection that I read about. In the book, Special Delivery, which is both a personal Bible study and a book describing how to write letters for any type of occasion, the author mentions collecting opportunities to write encouraging notes.

I thought that was a charming idea, and it spurred me to thinking. What other types of intangible collections could adorn our home? I came up with a few ideas. Maybe, you can think of some other ones:

1) Collect opportunities to be a secret servant -- Look for ways to serve family members and those outside your family and see if you can sneak in a few without anyone ever knowing you were the one who performed the act of service. Back during the first gasoline crunch in the late 70's, my future mother-in-law got up early, took my future husband's car to the gas station, waited in line for a long time to get up to the gas pump, filled the up with gas, drove it home, and left it in the driveway. It was such a pleasant surprise to him to get in the car and have it already filled. Little things like that make such pleasant memories.
2) Collect opportunities to smile -- Of course, there is a time to smile, and a time to be serious. But, if you tend to be out of balance on the serious side, look for opportunities to flash someone an encouraging smile.
3) Collect smiles from others -- When someone flashes you a particularly pleasant smile, make a note of it so it will be stored in your memory. Our memories are constantly recording impressions. However, the impressions that our memories tend to bring up for review are those that were either ultra-happy or ultra-challenging -- whatever was out of the ordinary. For some people, the mind especially dwells on the ultra-challenging. One way to increase our storehouse of pleasant memories is to be intentionally mindful of even small, but pleasant impressions -- even something so simple as a lovely smile. On a gloomy day, we can reflect on the smiles we have received from our spouse, our children, babies, grandparents, friends, etc. If we treasure these in our hearts, we will find ourselves smiling, too.
4) Collect memories of lovely things in nature -- The world abounds with beautiful evidences of God's creation. Take note of them, and call them up whenever you want to relax. Yesterday, I went to the dentist for a deep cleaning -- not my favorite thing to do. I rendered an uncomfortable time more comfortable by thinking about an afternoon, many years ago, when our family went to the zoo. We walked through a large butterfly tent, in which butterflies of all different kinds were allowed to fly freely about. Some of them lit on us. It was so fun to be in a tent full of such lovely creatures. Little did I know then that I was storing up a memory that would be soothing in the future. We all have such experiences; how wonderful it is to really think about them or jot them down in a journal so that we can look back on them.
5) Collect heavenly treasures -- Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matthew 6:29-21

For truly lovely adornments to your house, collect these things together with your children!

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

Wives and Daughters -- Fathers and Sons

Did you know that just a couple of years before Mrs. Gaskell wrote Wives and Daughters, the Russian author, Ivan wrote a book called, "Fathers and Sons". Like Gaskell, he authored his novel in the 1860's, but, also like Gaskell, he sets the novel in the 1830's and '40's.
Like Wives and Daughters, Fathers and Sons is about generational changes in outlook. Turgenev wrote about the cultural chasm he saw growing between Russian liberals in the earlier part of the 19th century when compared to he complete nihilism that was coming into vogue in among younger Russian intellectuals. The nihilists, like some counterparts among the post-Darwinian movement, believed that "pure" science held all of the answer for mankind. The Russian nihilists took this a step further. They wished to do away with all institutions, except for a national government composed of people who would lead and educate the people according to "enlightened" nihilist values. Hmm...Is there some historical foreshadowing here?

The main character, Bazarov, finds that his nihilism falls apart when it is confronted with human emotions, particularly when he is rejected by the woman he loves. Bazarov's nihilist theories also give his parents pain, and he is frustrated by the fact that his parents don't see things his way. His story is contrasted with a friend's, who marries and has a happy home.

Mrs. Gaskell entitled one of the chapters in her book "Father and Sons." Notes to the book suggest this might be an oblique reference to Turgenev's novel, but I am not sure about that. It seems to me as if it's a logical title for that chapter in its own right.

Had Mrs. Gaskell read "Fathers and Sons" when she wrote "Wives and Daughters"? Quite possibly. Lots of people were reading it in England at the time she penned her novels. Were any themes in "Wives and Daughters" influenced by Turgenev's work? I wouldn't venture to say. Perhaps, someone who has studied this era's literature would be more qualified to speak about this.

Enjoy!
elizabeth

Back on Feedburner -- For the Time Being, Anyway.

To my RSS readers, you can now find me again on Feedburner. One day, I'll get all of these blog-o-sphere options figured out!

Enjoy!
elizabeth

Darwin and Wives and Daughters: What does Elizabeth Gaskell tell us about Darwinism in Victorian Britain?

I've been enjoying Wives and Daughters by Elizabeth Gaskell. If read purely for plot and writing style, it is a charming story. Yet, because we today are not familiar with the cultural changes that were going on in the 1860's and 1870's, we easily miss some of the deeper currents in the book. An article I read inspired me to research these underlying themes. In the process, I learned some fascinating things:

1. Elizabeth Gaskell was the distant cousin of and contemporary of Charles Darwin. Darwin was sometimes a guest in her home. Darwin published his famous "Origin of the Species" in 1859, and Gaskell wrote "Wives and Daughters" in 1866. She died before finishing the last chapter.
2. By the time Mrs. Gaskell wrote this novel, Darwin's theories were already reshaping how Victorians viewed the world. Gaskell set her book a few decades earlier than this changing tide, but she subtly flavors the novel with Darwinian themes.
3. It's difficult for me to determine exactly what Mrs. Gaskell's personal views about Darwin's works were. Likely, she embraced both her cousin and his ideas. Certainly, her husband thought that Darwin's theory pointed out the glory of God more fully. However, since Mrs. Gaskell was a tireless advocate of the disadvantaged, I do wonder what she made of some of the era's racist and class-conscious applications of Darwinist theory. She also seems to have taken a gentle poke at how Darwinian thought restricted women. Likewise, whether Mrs. Gaskell intended it to or not, her novel also chronicles how Darwinist ideas were restrictive to men.
At least at one stage in his life, Darwin enjoyed Mrs. Gaskell's books.
3. I am no fan of Darwin's works. However, in all fairness to him, we should explore the possibility that society took his theories in directions he never intended. Plus, there were other philosophers of the age whose ideas were lumped together with Darwin's, whether he personally accepted every point these philosophers made or not. Thus, when I use the term "Darwinian" in this article, I mean the way in which Darwin was interpreted in certain circles.
4. Did you ever wonder where the image of Englishmen as having a "stiff upper lip" came from? To understand that, we have to go back to an earlier, jollier image of the British man. In the first part of the Victorian Age-- prior to Darwin's popularity -- the British ideal of a man was a man of faith, who was active in his home and family. He found satisfaction in his work, but his greatest fulfillment was in the domestic realm.
At the time that Mrs. Gaskell wrote Wives and Daughters this happy ideal was fading away, partly due to the public's interpretations of Darwin and Nietzsche. In her day, Englishmen imbibed the idea of "survival of the fittest". Darwin did not coin this term, but he popularized it. Darwin said, "In the struggle for survival, the fittest win out at the expense of their rivals because they succeed in adapting themselves best to their environment." Darwin stated that this did not mean that the fittest were necessarily stronger or more intelligent, but simply more adaptable to environmental changes. Based on the popular concept of "survival of the fittest", a new idea of English supremacy came into being. Spiritual and family concerns were pushed to the back burner, and hardiness of mind and body came to the forefront. The new Englishman was to be a superior and adaptable specimen of humanity. In order to be so, he must be physically strong, emotionally controlled, practical, and gentlemanly. Mrs. Gaskell also represented this new man as being interested in science.
According to Pam Morris's introduction to "Wives and Daughters", Englishmen repressed emotion in order to live up to this new ideal of manhood. E. M. Forster said of the new way young boys were educated in Britain's boarding schools that it led to "well-developed bodies, fairly developed minds, and undeveloped hearts."
The new Darwinian/British ideal of superior masculinity was used to support the Imperialism in which England was already involved. Some argued that more "civilized" nations almost had a duty to rule over "less-civilized" countries. At the same time, England stepped up exploration and, perhaps we might say, exploitation of Africa.
Around this same time, a movement called "muscular Christianity" was born. This movement used sports to train boys to become strong and moral men, as well as to attract grown men to religion. There were other influences on this movement, but one of the forerunners, Charles Kingsley, was a supporter of Darwin and tried to build a bridge between Darwinist and religious thought.
5. The main hero of "Wives and Daughters, Roger Hamley reflects the new British/Darwinian ideal. Some of the characters in the book underestimate Roger, for they are put off by his social awkwardness and his dullness of personality. They do not appreciate his square build, his common sense, and his scientific achievements. Yet, we sense that he will triumph in the end. Roger is able to give the heroine -- Molly - a lot of kind advice. However, he cannot voice the true sympathy he holds for her in his heart. In fact, he states often that he never knows how to say to people what he feels. This inability to express himself meant that his admirable qualities remained hidden to those who did not understand him.
Where does Roger go to develop into full manhood? He was awarded a scholarship to explore Africa, which, as we discussed, was of great interest to late Victorian scientific and political communities.
6. Roger's father, Squire Hamley, has Roger's same physical strength and sturdy frame. Yet, unlike Roger, he does express emotions -- though, alas, that sometimes includes a testy temper. Prior to the mid-nineteenth century, English men were freer in self-expression than the Darwinian based ideal allowed. Until troubles hit the Hamley family, the Squire is also shown as being happy in his domestic affairs. In fact, he was almost too much of a homebody. Unlike his wife, who enjoyed trips to London in her early married days, he preferred to stay on his own estate.
Squire Hamley is the "root stock" of the post-Darwinian ideal. He is unpolished, as well as stubbornly old-fashioned, but he is of "strong" Saxon blood. Mrs. Gaskell emphasizes that he can trace his roots all the way back to before the Norman Conquest, to the time when the Saxons were dominant in England. The idea of British superiority was based, in part, on the idea of hardy Saxon genes.
7. Often, references are made to the fact that Roger looks physically like his father, while his brother, Oswald, looks like their more refined mother. Characters in the book expect great things of Oswald, who is the heir of the Hamley estate and who appears to be gifted. They expect less of Roger, except that he will be steady and true. However, these expectations are turned on end. The mother and Oswald grow weak and die, while the father and Roger survive.
Roger has inherited his father's sturdy Saxon gene stock, but grafted on to that root is an interest in science and repression of emotion. Thus, Roger is the "evolved" Saxon Englishman that came into vogue via Darwin's theories.
8. The ideal of the British man of science and the stiff upper lip contrasted with the Romantic movement's idea of the artistic, sensitive, individualistic hero who is carried away by his sensibility. (Perhaps, a better ideal than either of these is the man who manages his emotions rather than either repressing them or being led by them.) Thus, romantic Oswald is sensitive, poetic, and refined, almost to the point of being a dandy. Poor Oswald is doomed, because he is by nature and nurture unfit for any useful work. "Weak" Oswald declines and dies, while "strong" Roger survives and prospers. Oswald's classic education comes to naught; Roger's education in science brings him unexpected success.
9. Oswald secretly marries a French servant and fathers a son with her, thus adding French genes and a servant's genes to the Hamleys' Saxon blood. In the time when Wives and Daughters was written, many English people regarded some Europeans -- particularly the Irish and the French -- as being inferior to those of Saxon ancestry. The French were looked to as leaders in culture and perhaps some aspects of science, but were otherwise felt to be too emotional to survive as a race. It takes Squire Hamley some time to warm up to his widowed daughter-in-law.
10. In the discussion of Darwinian ideas that dominated the last part of the nineteenth century, values traditionally held by women began to be seen as weaknesses, rather than strengths. Charles Darwin said in the Descent of Man, "Woman seems to differ from man in mental disposition, chiefly in her greater tenderness and less selfishness; and this holds good even with savages...Woman, owing to her maternal instincts, displays these qualities towards her infants in an eminent degree; therefore it is likely that she would often extend them towards her fellow-creatures. Man is the rival of other men; he delights in competition, and this leads to ambition which passes too easily into selfishness. These latter qualities seem to be his natural and unfortunate birthright. It is generally admitted that with woman the powers of intuition, of rapid perception, and perhaps of imitation, are more strongly marked than in man; but some, at least, of these faculties are characteristic of the lower races, and therefore of a past and lower state of civilisation. The chief distinction in the intellectual powers of the two sexes is shewn by man's attaining to a higher eminence, in whatever he takes up, than can woman--whether requiring deep thought, reason, or imagination, or merely the use of the senses and hands."
In "Wives and Daughters", two heroines -- Molly and Mrs. Hamley-- are held up as worthy examples of a daughter and of a wife. Mrs. Gaskell makes a point of showing how the men in their lives love them, but, at the same time, patronize them and underestimate them. When Mrs. Hamley dies, it becomes clear that her role as wife and mother had been far more crucial to the family than either her husband or sons had realized. Also, throughout the novel, Molly demonstrates far more wisdom than her father gives her credit for.
By contrast to the Darwinian debate about women, the Biblical portrait of the Proverbs 31 wife portrays a godly wife as being noble, of great worth, possessing strength and dignity, physically vigorous, trustworthy, wise, and financially savvy. The Proverbs 31 woman is not only successful in her undertakings, but her success earns her praise in the city gates. In Genesis, we learn that both men and women of all races are created in the image of God. As fallen men and women, we all battle selfishness, but men are not doomed to live a life of selfish ambition if they embrace the freedom Christ offers. Neither do tenderness and perceptiveness in women -- or in men -- indicate that we are somehow "less evolved".
11. Lest we be single out the British interpretations of Darwin, we have to remember that this same type of thinking oozed its way into American intellectual and upper class circles, as well. Likewise, many western countries were influenced by Darwinist thought and companion theories, such as eugenics. (The term eugenics was coined by Darwin's cousin, Francis Galton.)
12. Mrs. Gaskell was a Unitarian. Unitarians were among the first in England to embrace Darwin's ideas, so Mrs. Gaskell would have considerable knowledge of her cousin's scientific theories. Darwin also started out as Unitarian, but he quietly and very, very gradually adopted an agnostic stance. There is some debate about whether or not he returned to a belief in God during his final illness.
The Unitarian movement of that day rejected the Trinity. Unitarians also did not believe that Jesus was fully divine as well as fully human. Since they thought Jesus was a man only, they did not believe he could or did atone for our sins, nor did they believe such atonement was needed. As Mrs. Gaskell's husband put it, Jesus was a man approved by God, who was sent to show us a pattern for living. Humans, in his opinion, were capable of rising above their faults on their own, being motivated by the consequences of vice and the rewards of virtue. At the risk of stepping on some toes here, we do need to exercise caution. It's true that Jesus calls us to follow his example. However, the fact that Jesus is Christ and Savior is the very heart and power of the gospel! "This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." I John 4:10 See also John 1:1-18, John 6:51, Matthew 26:28, Acts 4:12, I John 2.22, Matthew 20:28, Romans 1:16-17, I Corinthians 1:18, I Corinthians 15:1-7; Phil. 2:5-8, among other verses. Mrs. Gaskell does not overtly promote Unitarian thinking in "Wives and Daughters".

For further study, please see

Pam Morris's introduction to Wives and Daughters
article: Elizabeth Gaskell, British Unitarianism, and Darwinism
Eugenics
Victorian masculine ideals

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

The Art of Giving Flowers

Everyone loves giving and receiving lovely blossoms. However, we can sometimes be stumped about when it’s appropriate to send flowers, how much to spend, and which ones to buy.

In the nineteenth century, the giving of flowers was a specialized art. Floriography, or the language of flowers, was developed as a way of expressing feelings by coded messages. Each flower was assigned a certain meaning. For example, a person might send Canterbury bells to signal gratitude or purple lilacs to communicate the first blush of love.

Somewhere along the way, the language of flowers fell into disuse, though some of its associations remain with us today. For example, we all know that red roses are a symbol of romantic love, and white lilies are still associated with purity.

Now that the art of making Tussy-Mussies, a type of Victorian bouquet, is coming back into favor, some people are studying floriography once again. For a charming gift, examine one of the many lists of flower meanings that you can find via your web search engine, and select a few blossoms to convey a special message. Since your recipient may or may not be familiar with the language of flowers, enclose a card explaining why you chose these particular stems.

Another creative method for sending flowers is to honor the person’s birth month. Each month in the calendar year has a certain flower associated with it. For example, January’s flowers are carnations or snowdrops. May’s flower is lily-of-the-valley. November’s flower is chrysanthemum. A birthday bouquet of the appropriate flower is a lovely way to celebrate someone’s birthday.

It’s not necessary to spend a lot to brighten someone’s life with flowers. One beautiful rose or a bunch of cheerful daisies can say as much as the most expensive bouquets. If you live near a place that has striking wildflowers, pick some and arrange them yourself in an interesting container. With flowers, it truly is the thought that counts.

An inexpensive, small potted plant is a great way to thank a hostess, welcome someone to the neighborhood, express sympathy, brighten up someone’s sick room, or simply bring a little cheer to someone’s day. If you are gifted at growing certain flowers, such as Christmas cactus, you might even pot slips from your own plants in attractive containers and give those as gifts.

Potted plants also allow a woman to give a botanical gift to a man in a way that he is more likely to appreciate. Though there are exceptions to every rule, women are generally more enthusiastic about receiving cut flowers or bouquets than men are. Men, however, might appreciate receiving a pot of greenery upon moving into a new apartment, receiving a promotion, upon bereavement, or for some special occasion. It's probably not a good idea to send a plant or flowers to a man at work, as that may set him up for some kidding from his co-workers. It's better to give him the plant in person or have it delivered to the home.

If you are giving a corsage for Mother’s Day, the traditional rule is that you choose a red flower if your mother’s mother is still alive. A white flower indicates that a mother’s own mother has passed away. While you are not limited to giving these colors only, it’s good to understand the rule so that you don’t inadvertently send the wrong message.

Flowers are expected on certain occasions, such as roses on Valentine’s Day or poinsettias at Christmas. However, the ones that people enjoy the most are those given for no other reason than to say, “I’m thinking about you.”

If you have room in your yard, you may want to experiment with a cutting garden. This differs from an ornamental garden, which is enjoyed for its outdoor beauty. Instead, the cutting garden is planted specifically for the purpose of cutting fresh flowers for the house or giving them as gifts. Remember, since you will be harvesting the flowers often, the garden itself may not look as pretty as beds that are left to flower throughout the seasons. Most people locate their cutting beds in the backyard or a corner space, rather than in a spot where you want to see continual color. Wherever you locate your cutting garden, it can yield a rich bounty of flower gifts.

As to when it's appropriate to give flowers, there's hardly any occasion when they're not welcome, particularly for women. Be sure, though, to think in term of the person who will be receiving them. If he or she are highly allergic, potted greenery might be better than flowers or flowering plants. Also, in some ICU units of hospitals, flowers are not allowed.

If you have sons, you may want to help them when it comes to giving flowers. Again, this is a generalization, but we women usually grow up knowing about and being comfortable with flowers. Young boys might need a little support when it comes to making a gift of flowers, particularly if they are presenting a corsage to a young lady for the first time. Also, your sons will benefit from knowing that their grandmothers, mothers, and sisters will also enjoy an occasional gift of flowers.

Enjoy!

Elizabeth