A new Challenge, A New Positive Goal

One of the qualifications for elders and deacons in the church is that they must manage their families and households well. See I Timothy 3:4-12. Well, for the past few years, God has given my dh the privilege of being an elder in our church. The Lord put this dream on his heart when he was a very young man, and I believe that the Lord has been preparing him for this role throughout our married life. I feel privileged to be able to be by his side as he carries out his God-given mission.

I love supporting him in his role. I do not consider that I have arrived, but I aspire to keep growing and learning how to be a wife as we move through the different stages and responsibilities of our life passages. It's so fun to still have things to grow in even after 26 years of marriage. (I just have to interject that our 26th anniversary is on the 29th!! I love our anniversaries!)

Here's a thought from elder's wife Virginia Lefler in The Calm and Gentle Heart that is calling me higher, right now: She says, "I do my best to make our home run as smoothly as possible so that he (her husband) can focus on other things, but there is no area that I feel he should stay out of. I welcome his input in any area of my life. There were earlier times that I felt insecure when he would make suggestions, and I would bristle at his "intrusion" in my area of domain. Now, I ask more questions. I’m much more secure as I've learned about God's expectations for my role. Do you let your husband manage your household? One of the greatest obstacles a husband can face in managing his household is that his household refuses to be managed. As a wife, you can make his work impossible. If you won't follow, he can't lead you."

For me, this goes back to the fact that our submission is voluntary and not demanded. The scriptures do not command husbands to order or coerce their wives into being submissive (nor do they tell us to demand or coerce our husbands into loving us or being considerate of us as the scripture instructs them to do.). Instead, the Word appeals to our hearts to follow Christ's example in our role as wives. Phil. 2 tells us that Christ put aside his equality with God in order to do his father's will -- even to the point of going to the cross. And, because he was willing to do so, he opened the door for those who respond to the gospel to receive the gift of salvation. If Christ’s submissive heart did so much for us, then how can we refuse to follow in his steps? God raised Christ up because of his reverent submission; we can trust in God’s promise that he will do the same for us. Thus, submission must come from within our hearts, out of a desire to please God.

Sometimes, our positive growth in our Christian walk is spurred by a moment of painful awareness. When I glanced through Mrs. Lefler’s book this morning, I was struck by her statement, “I do my best to make our home run as smoothly as possible, so that he can focus on other things, but there is no area that I feel he should stay out of.”

Ouch!! I do have a few areas which I secretly think DH should stay out of, one of which is how I run MY kitchen!

Like Mrs. Lefler, I have as my goal to manage the house in a way that DH doesn’t have to worry about it. I do want him to be able to concentrate on the heavy responsibilities he carries as an elder and as the co-owner of a small, start-up company. But, sometimes, I get a picture in my head of what that means, and I forget to take DH’s own desires for how the household should run into account! I forget that I am running the household under his oversight. Then, I bristle when he offers input, particularly when it comes to when the fridge should be cleaned or how the kitchen should be organized.

This is all the more silly when I consider that DH welcomes my input in areas where he knows that I have more talent and training. But, the bottom line is that I am insecure because I am not the world’s best organizer. Now, I am very creative and do have many household talents. But, to be honest, keeping things in order is not my natural forte. Dear Hubby is an engineer by education and by profession. He’s not so creative as I am, but he does have an excellent spatial sense and a good grasp of how things can be done most efficiently.

Our strengths do complement each other so well. DH has so much to offer me in helping me attain my own goals of creating a comfortable, smoothly running home.

If DH’s input is so helpful, why do I bristle? Mrs. Lefler put her finger on the root cause: It makes me feel insecure when DH crosses into what I view as my feminine sphere. Insecurity is a form of pride. Insecurity comes because we seek to get our security from our own performance, rather than from our relationship with God. I somehow think – wrongly -- that if DH notices an area where I can improve or if he makes a personal request that is not in my agenda, it somehow means that I am not living up to my ideals of being the Proverbs 31 and Titus 2 woman.

Sarah, in the Bible, didn’t see it that way. When Abraham wanted to entertain the strangers who turned out to be angels, he gave Sarah specific directions for the meal. He said, “Quickly, make ready three measures of fine meal, knead it and make cakes.” Then, he ran to select and prepare a calf.

Now, if it had been me, I might have said, “Oh, Abraham, I know how to cook a meal for company. Leave it to me.” But, there is no record that Sarah resented Abraham’s instructions.

The truth is, God has blessed my hubby and me both by giving us complementary talents. DH’s wisdom is an asset to my life, not a threat to my security. Besdies, if I manage my household to suit myself or someone else, but I leave out DH’s wishes, I haven’t fulfilled my true role as my husband’s wife.

So, I have a new positive goal: I will be able to say, as Mrs. Lefler does, “I do my best to make our home run as smoothly as possible so that he can focus on other things, but there is no area that I feel he should stay out of. I welcome his input in any area of my life”.

Praus

I Peter 3:4 encourages us to have a calm and gentle spirit, or, as the King James puts it, meek and quiet spirit.

The Greek word for calm or quiet is hesuchios. It means tranquility arising from within, undisturbed, peaceable, and quiet.

Here's an image I love from the book, A Gentle and Quiet Spirit," by Virginia Lefler (published by Silver Day Press:

"As a young child, I lived near a spring of water where my father would fill our water cans. Someone had put a concrete liner in the ground around the spring so that it was easy to draw the water out. I loved to go there. It was a peaceful place where water constantly bubbled up from within the earth and overflowed. It was puzzling to me how year after year, the water kept coming. There was an invisible underground source that I could not understand as a child. I think of that spring every time I read this definition of 'tranquility arising from within.'" The quiet spirit also has an unseen source. It comes from a deep trust in God's love, protection, and promises.

"There are a lot of things we face very day that reveal whether or not we have this kind of spirit. Do the words 'tranquility arising from within; describe you or would the words 'stressed out' be a better fit. Stress, not tranquility, describes many women today. Think back on what the last week has been like for you and your household. Were you undisturbed by the events you faced and undisturbing to others around you? Did you raise your voice or somehow lose control? Were you peaceful in the middle of all your business? Now, I assume you have been busy. We aren't talking about whether you have a life of leisure or not, we are talking about an inner quality.

"Again, Jesus is the perfect example of hesuchios. Large crowds of people who were needy, hungry, and sick often surrounded him (sounds like a family at times). Luke 8:43 says, 'As Jesus was on his way, the crowds almost crushed him.' It goes on to say that a woman touched him and that Jesus took the time to inquire about it. Unlike his disciples, who urged Jesus to send the people away (Mark 6:26), Jesus was unruffled by the crowds.

"I love to be around peaceful people, because there is something very calming about them."

My note: When I was young, I used to think that having a hesuchios spirit meant that I would always move through every moment of my life serenely, and that I would eventually get to the point where I had all circumstances in my life going according to plan. I didn't realize that what I was, in fact, asking for was that life go according to MY plan.

Of course, we should attend to our outer circumstances. Keeping an orderly house is more soothing than living in disorder. Adhering to at least a loose schedule or rhythm to life makes life go more smoothly. Taking time to get away and rest and pray refreshes the spirit.

But, gaining our whole sense of peace and tranquility from our outer circumstances is unrealistic at best. I have had to learn that it isn’t MY plan that counts, but GOD’s. Sometimes, he has different plans for my day thanI do. But, He knows best!

Besides, we live in a fallen world. We are in a spiritual battle. Things will arise that will distress us. The key is what we do with our distress. Do we take our distress to God and depend on him to help us, or do we let our distress eat us up?

Having a meek and quiet spirit doesn’t mean that we never express grief or pain. When I was a young mother, my mother was diagnosed with the disease that would take her life some thirteen years later. We all knew that the illness would be terminal. I decided to be strong for my family throughout the long process of her dying. However, I had the wrong idea about what it meant to be strong and to trust God. Rather than grieving openly while expressing trust in God, I tried to be stoic. This only harmed me spiritually and emotionally, and it didn’t help my family, either. After all, Jesus wept at Lazarus graveside, even though he knew he was going to raise Lazarus. Again, the key is not to pretend that we have no distress. The key is to take our distress to the Lord.

This week, I was confronted with a couple of situations in which people were being harmed spiritually. I was right to be concerned. But, I didn’t fully give it all into God’s hands, as I should have. Oh, I prayed about it. But, I got up from my prayer still anxious and fretting and dreading having to have a couple of uncomfortable conversations with people. I didn't truly do as Jesus did in the garden of Gethsemane. I didn't keep praying until my will was completely surrendered to God. Despite my lack of trust, God graciously worked out these situations without my doing a thing! Once again, he reminded me to depend totally on Him.

In short, hesuchios doesn’t come from being placidly unconcerned, nor does it come from perfect outer circumstances. As Mrs. Lefler writes, it comes from the source – from our trust in God.

Joyful Consumption -- Baked Brie

It's fun being inspired by my daughter, who is a young bride! She mentioned the other day she was going to serve baked brie for a function. That reminded me of how much I have loved baked brie at parties. So, when we had a small gathering over for dinner last night, I decided to serve baked brie, myself. Oddly, when I got to the store, I found that the price of a pre-prepared (Is that redundant?) brie was the same as a basic brie. So, by the time I would have added ingredients, it was cheaper to buy the brie already with the fruit and nuts inside and the pastry wrapped around it. I had great fun serving it, though I must admit that I chose to serve it to a particular group that wasn't exactly enamored with the idea of cheese for dessert. Still, it was fun to offer something outside of my normal repertoire. Trying brie wasn't on my feminine challenge list (See Emma's blog about that), but it was an impromptu choice that gave me a lot of domestic fun. I'm trying to serve and to eat higher quality foods in smaller quanties and more slowly.

An addendum to the joyless consumption post of yesterday. Has everyone heard about the few stampeding and robbing incidents that have taken place in the U.S. in conjunction with the offering of Play Station 3? Of course, we have to keep this in perspective. Considering how many people were waiting in line for Play Station 3 nationwide, these were only two or three isolated events. I understand that bidding for PS3's are going crazy on E-Bay, so some people must have bought them in order to sell them at higher prices.

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

Joyless Consumption -- The Culture of Excess

Having just been in France in March, I found this quote to be every interesting:

"These days, an image I carry around with me is of two airports. It's fitting, since airports are now the crossroads of the world, the most commong interface of one culture with another. At O'Hare International in Chicago, on the way to an appearance on the Oprah show, I witnessed a surreal spectacle I wish I had videotaped. People all around me in the terminal were gulping down hamburgers, fries, and pizza and knocking back big tups of soda or coffee as they tapped away on their laptops, talked on cell phones, and flipped through newpapsers. Most remakrable, it was 10:a.m. Why were they even eating? I asked myself. Breakfast? Early lunch? Or just a way to pass the time? It looked more like stuffing than eating, actually. And, most of the people I saw were significatly overweight. Plus, I could not detect pleasure on a single face...

The airport-cum-food court may be a sign of the times, but not quite yet in France. At Charles de Gaulle (or Roissy,as the French call it), the busiest hub on the Continent, when French people eat, they generally sit down to a knife and fork at enclosed cafeterias or restaurants. There are small stand-up bars for those who want a quick croissant or perhaps a jambon beurre and a cup of coffee. But, have you seen a typical French cup of coffee? Three sips, four max.....The airports may still reflect the traditional differences, for the most part, but they also show that infiltration is taking place in both directions. Things in France aren't yet set up to accommodate the contemporary culture of excess, but where there's a will, there's a way; in the odd corner you do find people engaging in alien habits, with two sandwiches, an iPod, and a magazine feeding them all at once. But, in France, they are the exception; in America, they are the rule."

From Mireille Guiliano -- emphasis mine.

Of couse, Mireille is confining herself to the problem of obesity and over-eating. But, I think she's inadvertently hit on some deeper spiritual truths.

Was anyone else struck by the phrase, "with two sandwiches, an iPod, and a magazine feeding them all at once." Our gluttony has surpassed that of the stomach and mouth and has moved to a complete gluttony of the mind and heart. We are stressed; we try to soothe ourselves with things that only make us feel more stressful. So, we reach for another sandwich and turn up the music. We must be constantly entertained via the media and constantly pacified with food. The result of our stuffing, as Mirelle points out, is that our faces do not reflect joy, nor even pleasure.

Mireille sees this as ceasing to be a French/American thing and more about the clash between two differing globalized approaches to life. France is slowly taking on the culture of excess,
while some Americans are re-thinking it. In the end, says, Mireille, it's not about where you live, but about how you choose to live. It would be interesting if readers from G.B., Canada, and Australia or other places would share about what is happening in their countries in this regard.

Of course, cell phones, laptops, iPods, magazines, and such are not bad things. When used properly and in moderation, they benefit our lives. I personally enjoy knowing that when my adult children are traveling by car, they have a phone with them in case of emergencies. I also love the fact that the Internet has opened up a new way for people from all cultures to communicate. And, both my husband's livelihood and my part-time job depend on access to the net.

It's an emptiness of heart and not gadgets that create the culture of excess. That's why even in Isaiah's low-tech era, God implored, "Wherefore do ye spend money for that which is not bread? and your labour for that which satisfieth not? hearken diligently untio me, and eat ye that which is good and let your soul delight itself in fatness." Isaiah 55:2

I, myself, get weary and jittery with too much electronic stimulation, but I must admit that I can numb myself out with the best of them. If I find myself eating lunch at home alone, I usually flip on the T.V. Yet, how much better it would be to follow the advice of 1911 homemaking expert, Alice James, and take my meal outside or to a covered porch or at least near a window to eat. And, how many times have I felt God nudging me to pray about a trouble, but I sought comfort in a book or reading blogs or some other form of escape?

Our impulse admist the noise of modern life is to flee to a safe haven with just ourselves, our families, our church, and a few close friends. I know that I personally relate to David when he cries in one of the psalms, "Oh, if I had the wings of a dove, I would fly away and be at rest." The idea of creating a quiet oasis for myself and mine and never coming out appeals to my selfish nature.

Now, we should carve out some time and space where we can nurture our relationship to God and to our family and friends. But, continually holing up in our own peaceful conclave does nothing to feed a hungry world -- a world that is so spiritually bereft of real fare that it must constantly stuff, stuff, stuff itself with the world's junk food. We are all spiritual beggars who have been seated at a great banquet; how sad it would be if we neglected to point other hungry beggars to the giver of the feast.

Wouldn't it be great to be the person in the airport who keeps a still and content heart before the Lord. Wouldn't it be great to look up from our laptops and cell phones to consider the person sitting in the next seat? Wouldn't it be great if we always left a seating area having shared our faith with a stranger and performed a kindness for a weary traveler?

If you spot such a person in the airport, what will you see on their face? Joy!!

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

Feminity Challenge

Over at Charming the Birds from The Trees, Emma has issued a challenge to do something each day this week to make things around us more feminine. I'm excited about this challenge, and was looking forward to it. But, I woke up this morning with a bout of asthma that has sidelined me for the day.

But, so far, I have four goals in mind: 1) concentrated work on my posture 2) making a feminine cover bag for my cellphone and figuring how to hook it on the outside of my purse (I'm always fishing ungracefully in the depths of my purse for a ringing phone, only to retrieve it after the caller has given up.) 3) Taking a thorough inventory of my house and writing a detailed list of inexpensive projects I can do in each room to make it more attractive and comfy 4) Framing some prints that I've been holding until I could work framing into the budget.

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

More Share if You Dare...

Mrs. Blythe's comment on my last post reminded me of my funniest homemaking flub -- It's funny only because it turned out well and no one was hurt.

When I was carrying my son, I had a lot of morning sickness. DD is only fourteen months older than ds. At the time, she was still nursing. But, I was introducing solid foods to her, as well. And, you know what happens when you hit that stage. Needless to say, diaper changing was one trigger for my morning sickness.

One morning, I woke up feeling horrible all over and was sluggish in mind and body. I let my housework go. I shlepped around in a robe during the early part of the morning. (Warning -- No matter how badly you feel, never lounge around in a robe!) Around 10 in the morning, I got a strange craving for popcorn. So, I started some oil heating. Normally, I would never leave the stove in the process of popcorn making. But, I quickly discovered that dd needed changing. (Warning: If you start cooking something like popcorn and are called away -- turn the burner off and set the pot aside).

When I tended to dd, that prompted a whole new wave of morning sickness and a total lapse of memory that I had oil heating on the stove. Popcorn was the furtherest thing from my mind at that point. When I remembered the oil a few minutes later, I flew into the kitchen. The oil was smoking a bit. I yanked off the lid, and of course, everything flamed. (Warning: If you are ever in a similar situation, turn the burner off and set the smoking contents aside until it cools. Never feed the flame with a rush of air).

I was in a panic, so I picked up my dd and ran to a friend's two houses down and left dd with her. From my friend's house, I called 911 and reported the kitchen fire. Then, I ran back to the house and threw a box of baking soda on the flames. Of course, that stopped the burning.

So, I called the fire department and asked them not to come.

They said, "I'm sorry, m'am. Once you call the emergency number, we have to come. And, come they did, with sirens blazing. Everyone in our neigbhorhood poured out of their houses to see what was going on.

Lo and behold, the captain was a good friend of ours from church. There I was in a robe, looking a little green around the gills, and welcoming an entire squad of firemen to my untidy home. The kitchen had black soot around the fire. And, I was finding it a little hard to explain why I was popping corn at only 10:00 in the morning!

The fire fighters were proud of the way I had extinguished the fire. They praised me for calling the fire deparment, and explained they needed to check things to make sure the grease fire hadn't caused damage that might render our kitchen unsafe. Finally, they pronounced that all was well. They went on their way, and I cleaned up the mess.

Now, we enjoyed the town in which we lived. But, we were fourteen hours away from our families, and we considered moving back closer to home. The opportunity arose when I was still pregnant with ds. Dh was offered a great job in the town where he had grown up. So, we moved to a snug little cottage on the top of a mountain overlooking our new city.

Near the end of my pregnancy, I popped something into the oven to cook. There was something wrong with the oven, and it started sparking across some kind of broken connection. I turned the oven off, but I wasn't sure if there was still a remaining fire hazard. So, I looked up what I thought was the fire department's non-emergency number. They said they would be right out. I said, "But it's not a real fire. I only wanted to ask what to do ." The fire department said, "I'm sorry, but you've called our emergency line. Once you call this number..."

I waited for the firemen to arrive. It took them forever to find our cottage. They circled the little neighborhood on the top of the mountain many times -- with sirens blaring, of course. I tried to signal them, but to no avail. If it truly had been a fire, the house would have been long gone.

Finally, they found us and came in and inspected the oven. While they were there, dear hubby arrived home from work. He came in the house, calmly whistling. I suppose he had accepted that this would be my pyromania pregnancy.

Those were my only two encounters ever with the fire department -- for which I am grateful. I have great respect for fire personnel. Time and time again, they risk their lives to save others. In my book, they are true heros. But, I'm happy not to have had the necessity to call them again.

I'm happy to report that ds has never shown any signs of pyromania. Apparently, whatever fire-starting effect he had on me was confined to the time he was in my womb. Or, maybe it's just that his mama learned a little more about fire safety during that time.

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

Share if you Dare....What is your Biggest or Funniest Homemaking Flub?

When reading homemaking blogs, we can all get the idea that life rocks along perfectly in everyone else's home. But, even the best and the most devoted of housekeepers have catastrophes now and again. While they may not seem funny at the time, if we do find the humor in them, they can actually morph into treasured stories.

So, here's one of mine: I invited several ladies over for lunch. Now, my mother had wisely told me never to try a new recipe when you have company coming. But, instead of sticking with my tried and true dishes, I threw caution to the wind and followed a new recipe that I wanted to try. After all, I know how to follow a recipe, I reasoned. What's the worst that can happen?

The recipe was for chicken and rice. You were supposed to mix the rice with soup and water and let it sit overnight in your refrigerator. Then you placed the chicken and seasonings on top or the rice. You covered it with foil and baked it for forty-five minutes. The idea was that the rice would soften overnight, absorb the liquid, and be ready for use in a cassrole without boiling it first.

Apparently, I did not know how to follow a recipe as well as I thought. I must have gotten the water/soup to rice ratio wrong. When the timer went off, I checked the casserole. There was no soft, fluffy rice, as the recipe promised. Instead, the grains were hard and inedible. I kept extending the cooking time, putting off my hungry guests with the promse that the rice would be done soon. But, eventually, I had to give up that thought. We ate the chicken without the rice. Luckily, I had prepared some side dishes, as well.

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

You mean Great-great Grandma didn't run down to Wal-Mart for some shelf paper?

Reading Alice James' 1911 book, "Housekeeping for Two," reminds me that there was a time before home keepers had access to modern shelf and drawer linings.

"For kitchen shelves many use newspapers, the edges scalloped; others like the marbled enameled cloth, which comes for the purpose, and is so easily wiped off," she says.

Doesn't the idea of scalloped edges sound appealing? But, I don't think I'd recommend using newspaper today, since have so many other materials available to us. In fact the whole subject of paper in the kitchen gives me shiver. When our children were very young, dh and I bought a house in which the owners had glued left over wallpaper to the shelves and the bottoms of kitchen cabinets. I learned after calling a pest control service in desperation that roaches love wallpaper paste. Apparently, this is not a problem when wallpaper is used as it should be -- on walls. But, it does become an issue if used on flat surfaces in the kitchen. Roaches may be lured to the kitchen by food scents and hang around to indulge in tasty snacks of glue.

According to Alice, some of our great-grandmothers covered their shelves in high style: "But for the dining room closets, some brides will have nothing but hand-embroidered linen, with monogram in the centre of every piece, starched and ironed and glossy. These latter are certainly attractive, and if carefully laundered will last a long while. If not bleached with acids or ruined with lye or other strong cleaning agents, good linen will last unbroken, for fifty years. To be effective, the embroidery should be of a very open pattern and the scallops should be large ones and rather shallow. Pointed edges curl up and, besides, are apt to catch in the hair when one is putting away or taking out the dishes."

Here's a pretty image from Alice, "A substitute for linen is machine-embroidered lawn with edge in large effective pattern. One needs to buy but one set, as they are so easily and quickly laundered. Lace paper is still popular; and if a white strip of it be laid over a green one, the green edge showing an inch or so below the white, the closet shelves present a very pretty picture of daintiness."

Many homemakers of today still make decorative and functional linings for kitchen cabinets and pantries. Also, some trim the edges of wooden pantry or cabinet shelves with lace or other decorative trim.

I have inherited many pretty dresser scarves, doilies, etc. I use some of these to line shelves which don't get a lot of daily use. I have to say, though, that when it comes to my kitchen shelves and drawers, I'm thankful that someone invented durable, easy-to-trim and easy-to-clean shelf linings. Wal-Mart, here I come. :)

Enjoy!
elizabeth

Timeless and Universal Principles of Dress

As you know, I've been reading a lot of blogs and books -- from past to present -- about homemaking. I've discovered that there are universal and timeless truths to which all great homemakers refer. In this sense, homemaking is a science.

When it comes to the methodology of how to apply those principles, there is more room for variation. The practical application of timeless homemaking truths can change over time, particularly as technology changes. Also, two women of today can take two different approaches to arrive at the same homemaking goal. Each family is different; each family needs different things at different times. So, a savvy homemaker must learn how to apply the scientific principles of homemaking to her individual situation. In this sense, homemaking is an art.

One universal truth that has yielded many different applications pertains to how the home keeper dresses for her tasks. The attire of a homemaker is so important that you can hardly find a homemaking book or web site that doesn’t refer to this subject in some way. Authors from the early 1800’s opined about it; authors of today discuss it frequently (and sometimes heatedly) as well. Some current home making experts go so far as to prescribe a “uniform” for the homemaker. They are very specific in telling a homemaker what to wear, even down to specific footgear.

My favorite homemaking uniform is a pretty skirt or dress and an apron. But, some women feel great in jeans and a feminine blouse. It’s not my purpose here to prescribe to others exactly how they should dress in their home.

Instead, let me lay out what I’ve discovered about the underlying principles of dress. I’ve tried to stick to the general concepts on which almost all great homemakers agree:

1) Paying attention to the details of your personal presentation -- from grooming to dress to shoes -- sends a message to you and to others that your domestic responsibilities are important. Dressing in a way that makes you feel both "professional" and attractive gives you more energy and efficiency for your tasks. (You will find this same advice in books for at-home freelance writers, by the way).

2) Keeping a neat and fresh appearance is a gift you give to your family members. After all, would you enjoy it if members of your family went around with un-brushed hair and teeth and schlepped around in sweats with holes in them? We should treat others with the same consideration we desire from them. This is especially important to our husbands. They are created by God to be attracted to our smiling, fresh, and feminine appearance. If they come home to find us habitually looking careworn and unfeminine, we can discourage them more than we realize.

3) If you make it a point to dress to at least an acceptable appearance in the morning, you will not be embarrassed if someone unexpectedly rings the bell or if you need to make an unplanned foray into public.

4) Some home experts advise wearing sturdy shoes to protect feet from household accidents, such as dropping something heavy on your toes. Others prefer to wear pretty, comfortable, inside-only slippers. These have no dust or dirt on them that could dirty carpets and floors. One expert even suggests that you wear thick cotton socks when you mop the floor so as not to leave shoe prints. There is merit in each of these points of view; the underlying principle is that you should put some consideration into what you slip onto your feet.

5) Many homemaking experts – especially those from the past – advocate changing from our day’s clothing into a fresh outfit for the evening. The evening outfit doesn’t have to be fancy, just fresh and clean. Others suggest that simply touching up your appearance by splashing your face with water, re-combing your hair, etc., is sufficient. The point is, once again, to have a fresh appearance when your family comes together for dinner.

6) Our inner and outer natures affect each other. Order in our dress and appearance can both reflect and inspire order in our hearts. Disorder in our dress and appearance can both reflect and inspire disorder in our hearts. We have to walk carefully here. This principle is not meant to be a yardstick by which we measure others; Jesus warned against judging others by appearances. Instead, this principle is meant to help us with our own dress.

7) I have found out the hard way a truth that mose excellent homemakers reccommend: Taking care of your health is a part of presenting a fresh, pretty, and modest appearance.

8) If we aspire to follow Christ, we will have an extra reason to watch our dress. God’s word enjoins us to dress in a way that is feminine and modest. The fact is; there are many differing views about how to apply this practice in today’s world. We should read God’s word, pray, get advice, and arrive at an informed conviction about how we, personally, will put this principle into practice. We should realize, however, that equally conscientious believers may arrive at different opinions about what constitutes feminine and modest dress than we do. Perhaps, this is where a reading of Romans Chapters 14 and 15 will be useful. At any rate, it’s not wise to blindly accept the world’s norm, here. We need to seek God’s will.

If you understand the principles I've listed above, you can apply them no matter what type of dress you choose. Whether you put on a dress or a pair of jeans, you can wear them one of two ways: 1) With a tired face, wrinkled or less than fresh clothing, poor grooming, and with no thought toward modesty or 2) With a cheerful face, fresh clothing, good grooming, shining and neatly brushed hair and with a thought toward modesty.

Enjoy!
elizabeth

A thought inspired by Alice James
(Or, I knew there was a reason why I like this author...)

"Many very wise housekeepers pursue the plan of leaving the dinner or supper dishes to be washed the following morning, the cooking things having been washed and put away during the process of getting the dinner... Leaving the dishes at the end of the day saves one's time and sterngth for something pleasant in the evening, and also saves one's good dresses from much extra wear and tear and incidental injury," says Alice James, in Housekeeping for Two.

Aha! I've finally found a cleaning expert who not only okays leaving some dishes rinsed and ready to be washed the next morning, but actually calls it wise!

The truth is, though I'm often known to do it, I don't think this is a wise practice. If you get up in the morning to find a sink of rinsed dishes, waiting to be washed, you find yourself already behind schedule. When possible, it's far more efficient to completely clean the kitchen after supper or dinner.

There are occasions, however, when this is not possible. Perhaps, you're heading out to church on a Wednesday night. Or, maybe, you have only one evening to visit with a certain guest, and you don't want to spend the whole time in the kitchen. In such cases, it's essential to put away all leftover food that is to be saved and to scrape and rinse away any food particles on dishes. As long as you are not leaving anything that's unsanitary, you can get away with leaving some items overnight.

At any rate, this statement underscores something that I'm learning. The principles of home management are universal; there are varying ideas when it comes to the details of how to apply those princples to daily life. In this example, everyone -- including Alice James -- agrees that it is essentail to a family's well-being to keep a sanitary kitchen. This requires at least some degree of attention every night. Some would never go to bed until the entire kitchen is spic and span; others, like Alice, might leave a dish or two to do in the morning.

So, when reading all of the many books and web sites about home keeping and when listening to the advice of women that we know personally, we have to look beyond what might seem like conflicting opinions about methods to the underlying principles. Then, we can choose advice that helps us apply these concepts to our situation.

The author of Home Comforts, alludes to this as well. One of her grandmothers was of Italian heritage and followed the Italian custom of opening windows and drapes to let in lots of sun. Her other grandmother was of Scots-Irish heritage, and she followed her culture's custom of keeping drapes closed to keep sun from fading upholstery. Yet, notes the author, both women were excellent homekeepers, and she credits them both with insitlling in her a love of all things domestic.

Deciding whether we will open windows and drapes or keep them closed depends on understanding the "why" behind the advice. There is a lot of merit to letting in sun and fresh air. Both will chase away stale odors. Both make for a cheerful enviornment. Both add to our health. Yet, there is some merit to the opposite argument as well: strong sun does fade upholstery and carpeting. And, for some, open windows bring in allergens that worsen conditions such as asthma.

So, we have to decide what works for our situation. Perhaps, we will even employ a combination. I love sun and fresh air. But, I have a long wall with a western exposure. During the summer, if I don't keep the light drapes and sheers over the windows on that side of the house drawn, the glare and the heat become unbearable.

I love to read about homemaking. I like to glean new things that will help me be a better wife, mother, and keeper at home. But, especially when it comes to scheduling and order, I've found that you can't let all of the information that's available get your sidetracked. Sometimes, you have to pick a plan and stick with it -- at least until your circumstances change and you need to draw up a new one.

I'm sure we've all heard this story, which highlights the need to understand the reasoning behind homemaking advice:

A husband saw his young bride cut off the end of a roast before cooking the rest in her huge, brand new roasting pan -- the pan that his mother had given the couple for a wedding present.. He asked her, "Why?" She said, "Oh, I learned that from my mother. She always did it that way. That's just how you cook a roast."

Later on, she started wondering why it was necessary to remove one end of a roast. So, she called her mother.

"Oh, I learned that from your grandmother. She always did it that way. That's just how you cook a roast."

Later on, the mother started wondering why it was necessary to remove one end of a roast. So, she called her mother.

"Oh, my pan is too small to hold a whole roast," said the grandmother.

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

The Home Keeping System, Then and Now

My father was born when his mother was 42 and I was born when he was 36, so we have long generations in our family.

My father's grandmother truly was a Victorian woman. She was of German heritage and kept house according to the old system of having certain tasks scheduled for every day of the week. (except Sunday). For example, my great-grandmother baked on one day and did laundry on another. To hear my father tell it, her system ran like flawless clockwork

My father remembers his grandmother's household as being both pleasant and efficient. Her daughter, my father's mother, was an equally capable home keeper.

And, then, there's me... Let's just say that, somehow, the family gene for order and system by-passed me. It's takes some effort on my part to come up with workable routines that fit the changing needs of our family and to stick to those routines. Sizing up priorities and sorting out the more important matters from the trivial isn't my strongest gift, either.

I've found that, for me, it's one thing to know a lot of individual domestic skills -- such as cooking, sewing, cleaning, childcare, etc. To understand how to pull these skills all together to create a smoothly running household is another matter, all together.

I assumed that all of our foremothers just naturally had a handle on scheduling household tasks. I assumed that they all learned this at their mother's knee and just stepped into their role as wife and manager of a home already knowing exactly what to do and when.

Those of you who have been reading this blog know that I've been looking through a book, Housekeeping for Two, by Alice James, which was written about 1911. Apparently, she found it wise to instruct her readers -- who were beginning housekeepers -- in the principles of home management and system. Evidently, some of our foremothers struggled with this issue, just as we do.

I imagine that if Mrs. James' readers took the time to read and study her book, they learned from her advice. Since she was writing to beginning home makers, I also assume that they continued to learn through experience.

It's exciting to think that we are following in our foremothers' footsteps when we learn concepts of home making and apply them to our lives. Isn't that a wonderful thing about being a keeper
at home? No matter at what point we find ourselves -- from struggling beginner to home manager extraordinaire -- we always have room to grow. Perhaps, if more people saw manaing a home as a calling that yields personal development, they would hold it in higher esteem.

I've included some thoughts on home management from Alice James for us to ponder:

"The Chinese maxim, 'For him who does verything in its proper time, one day is worth three', is well worth remembering.

"System is absolutely indispensable to the housekeeper who would lighten labour and conduct her domestic affairs with the least hardship and friction, and who, also, would have time for other things. It can be said to all beginners that system is of so much important, no house can be carried on rightly without it; even a poor system might be better than none at all.

"But to have system need not mean a slavish devotion to arbitrary unyielding rules, urged without discrtion or regard to circumstances. Such a a form of house government, strictly enforced, becomes despotic and is ruinous to family happiness; and moreover, a despotic housekeepr finds herself perpetually harassed and perplexed by the merest trifles, which would be unnoticed under a less rigid rule.

"On the other hand, a well chosen system means independence for the mistress in her management of the domestic affairs. If it should be so elastic as to accommodate itself to unforseen interruptions, without danger of disunion, that would be much in its favour."

System with balance and flexibility...it's a good thing :)

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

Children: Ways to Deal with Whining or Fussiness

In yesterday's post, I mentioned that there are times when moms and children can feel a bit peevish. Perhaps, everyone has been trapped inside by illness or the weather. Or, maybe guests have come to stay for a holiday and the family hasn't had enough relaxing time alone together. Here's a list of some suggestions that I found helped with my children, when they were tempted to whine or fuss. Some, I learned through trial and error; most were things I learned from books or -- from my favorite source -- older godly women.

Keep in mind, I am just a mom and not a professional expert in child behavior. So, take what works for you and your family, and don't worry about the rest.

(Note, for convenience sake, I'm going to refer to a child as "he". But, these suggestions are meant for girls and for boys.)

1) Crying and fussiness are low-level forms of crying. A child who fusses or whines is trying to get your attention through these behaviors. He may be doing this because he has a need or a desire he can't express. Or, he may be doing it simply to get you to notice him.
2) True crying can be healthy. A child's tears alert us that our child is in need or in danger, so that we can comfort or protect the child. Also, tears help a child release feelings such as fear, anger, fatigue, or hurt. Of course, it is possible for a child to over-indulge in tears or to cry those famous "croccodile" ones. But, an honest cry now and again can do a child (or an adult) a world of good.
3) By contrast, whining and fussiness are unhealthy ways to express emotions. Our goal is to help our child learn how to state wants and needs without resorting to these behaviors.
4) The first thing to do when a child fusses or whines is to make sure his needs are met. Does the child need a nourishing snack? A nap? A dry diaper? A hug? A listening ear? Is he teething? Does he have an earache?
5) On the other hand, it's easy for busy moms to reinforce whining without realizing it. If we tune into our children only when their whining breaks our concentration on some task, we teach them that whining is the way to get our attention. Thus, they will whine more and more until it becomes a habit. To counter this, we need to be alert to a child's initial attempts to get our attention. We need to acknowledge him before he resorts to whining. We can either meet the need right away or ask him to wait until we are through. Then, we can go calmly back to our task. Also, we need to give our child positive attention when he is happy and content. Every so often, we can stop our tasks to cast a smile our child's way or to say something positive and pleasant. We can take a few moments to notice something that he is coloring or building with blocks. We can sit down to read a book together.
6) If your child makes a request and you say no, do not allow your child continue to whine and whine about it. Send the child to a quiet place to think and allow him to return when he is ready to be pleasant. Also, do not let a child's whining manipulate you into saying "yes" to a request that goes against your better judgment. Remember, consistenly enforcing appropriate guidelines helps make for a happy child. Letting a child's whining control both you and him only makes him unhappy in the long run.
7) Children often become whiny or peevish if they do not get enough fresh air, sunshine, and freedom to move around. Children are by nature full of wonderful, delightful energy. They function best when they express this energy in creative outdoor play. Find a way to provide your child with such an outlet. Even if you live in a tiny city apartment, find a safe park and take your child their for daily outings. If a long string of bad weather keeps you and your child indoors, find creative ways to move around. Put on DVD's and hop and dance to the music. Even on cold, sunny days, a healthy, warmly dressed child can enjoy playing outdoors.
8) A soothing bubble bath in which the child can play with bath toys can ease a whiny mood. Even if it's not your child's scheduled bath time, a soak and a splash in a sudsy tub can do wonders.
9) When a generally happy child whines, moms can usually pick up on what's wrong. Perhaps, you are running errands, but the child is tired and bored and wants to go home Or, maybe the child was kept up past his usual bedtime the night before. Express sympathy for a child's feelings. But, do not give your child the idea that a minor discomfort is an excuse to whine. It's far better to say something like, "Oh, Suzy, are you tired? I understand. You were up past your bedtime last night. We'll get you home soon, so that you can rest. But, right now, even though you are tired, you can still be polite to Mrs. Smith." Or, fill in whatever positive goal you want to reinforce. Of course, if a child is teething or sick, he may not be able to control his fussiness very well. Make some allowances here. But, through the years, gently help your child understand that just because we are tired, hungry, or otherwise uncomfortable does not give us license to whine, fuss, or snap at others. There are better ways to deal with these issues.
10) Once a child has mastered the word, "please," do not allow him to fuss, whine, or throw a tantrum to ask for a toy, a drink, or something to eat. Ask him, "What do you say?" If he is frustrated with not being able to communicate well or is in some other way upset, help him to calm down. Refuse to give him the desired item until he says, "please." If the child hasn't yet learned the name of the desired item, he may point to it and say, "please". You can say the name of the item as you hand it to him, to help him increase his vocabulary. But, above all, help the child to stay calm and to get out a polite word or two. This teaches the child that it is ok to ask for things, but also that there is a polite and pleasant way to get your requests across to another person.
11) As your child grows, teach him how to deal with emotions -- even anger -- in respectful and healthy ways. We taught our children that they could say anything to us -- provided that they maintained respect for God and for us. Sometimes, well-meaning parents don't allow their children to ever verbalize anger or other negative emotions. This is not healthy for the child. If you read the psalms, you see that David was open about all kinds of emotions and that he worked these feelings out in his prayers to God. There is a reason why God gave us the capacity to feel all kinds of things, such as anger, sadness, fear, joy, excitement, gratitude, love. The trick is to learn how to handle these emotions in ways that please God, rather than to let emotions control us. Children need to learn how to make emotions their servants and not their masters. Children who can identify what they are feeling and take that feeling to God or to talk about it with a loving parent feel less need to whine or complain.
12) Keep an eye on whining throughout the child's growing years. We were consistent in helping our children communicate without whining when they were very young. Then, when they got to be about eleven or twelve, we slacked off for a time. It was easy for me, espeically, to let them make requests on the fly, without noticing their tone of voice. So, we had to regain our focus, and train them to make requests respectfully. As the child matures, he needs to keep maturing in how he communicates.
13) Here's the most obvious place to start: We set the example for them. (Aren't we all saying "ouch" right now!) Your children will mimic what they hear and see you do. If you complain a lot, they will complain. If you manipulate your husband through nagging or wearing him down with your requests, they will whine to you. On the flip side, if you remain calm and pleasant, even though you have a slight headache, your children will follow suit. They will learn how from your example to meet life's little disappointments and pains with complaining. As we said yesterday, if you are finding yourself feeling edgy or peevish, take steps to help improve your own frame of mind. Then, you will be able to help your children.
14) You are doing your child a favor by helping him learn to communicate without whining or fussiness. Both children and adults who persist in whining or fussing are often perceived as being immature and unpleasant. Conversely, people who express themselves calmly, reasonably, pleasantly, and, when appropriate, with gentle firmness are perceived as being enjoyable and worthy of respect.
15) Pray!

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

The Hour for Lighting Lamps

“At dusk, before the dark sets in, the gas should be lighted in the halls and bathroom, the lamps lighted in the rooms to give the house a cheery look to the home-comer. Nothing seems more forlorn to a man returning from business, than to find a dark house or its mistress away,” says Alice L. James in her 1911 book on home keeping.

This sounds so appealing on a day like today. In my yesterday’s post, I cheerily proclaimed that I was going outside for some fresh air and sunshine. I didn’t realized that clouds were moving in. I did manage to eat a bite on our back deck, and then to cut back vines that grow on my mailbox. Soon, light sprinkles became heavier, sending me back inside. I was grateful, though, to have had some happy time puttering about the yard.

The rain let up just in time for last night’s trick-or-treaters. Today, it’s rainy and colder. We’ve just switched from daylight savings time back to regular time, so the darkness is setting in earlier.

On such nights, how delightful it is to come in from the cold and the dark to a room in which candles are flickering, a lamp is casting a soft light, and a fire is glowing in the fireplace.

I love light! In fact, I have a bad habit of flipping on too many switches. My husband teases me by asking me, “Do you have stock in the power company?” I will try this winter to use more candles and less costly electricity.

It always seems to me that at the hour that Alice Walker is talking about – the hour for lighting lamps – it’s always good for me to check how my inner lamp is shining, as well. Sometimes, I hit a late afternoon slump, in which I can become brusque, grumpy, or anxious. At those times, it helps me to eat a nourishing snack or to put my feet up for a few moments. My greatest help comes when I take a few minutes to pray.

When my children were small, this was often the time when they would whine. They could be happy all day long, but something about passing the marker of 4:00 in the afternoon got to them. My mother told me that this is often called, "the crying hour." The wise mother isn't shocked by this. She calmly helps her children deal with their feelings so that they do not whine. She meets their needs. She exerts a soothing influence.

This brings me back to prayer! I found that if my own sprits were flagging, I couldn't be a soothing influence in the household. If I found myself growing as whiny as the children, I would ask them to say a short prayer with me. That usually refreshed our hearts, and we started our evening with happy hearts.

Tonight, dear hubby and I are driving some distance to meet with a small church near an army base. They invited us to come and have dinner and some worship time with them. I'm not especially looking forward to the cold and rainy drive, but I am looking forward to the warm smiles that I will see when I get there.

I always admire those women who seem to fill their homes with the light of a warm, serene, faith-filled, and loving heart. Women like these seem to carry that comforting glow with them no matter where they go. They are the ones you want to see on your doorstep when you are sick, overwhelmed, or otherwise hurting. They are also the ones around whom you can relax and have fun. Even if they have to talk to you about some serious matter -- perhaps even point out a matter in which you need correction -- they always leave you feeling loved.

I fall so short, but I do want to be such a light. After all, the lamp that really makes a home cozy is the one that shines in our hearts.

From Housekeeping for Two Alice L. James 1911

"When the weather is pleasant and cool an excellent time for the daily walk is directly after luncheon. It is most important that everyone should spend a part of every day in the health-giving open air. If one has a stoop with awnings, or a shaded porch or garden, the matter is easy to arrange. Sewing and reading under such favored conditions can be enjoyed out of doors, at any time during the day, when spare or waiting moments are at one's disposal.

"Now and then little gardening can be done. Digging about the plants, weeding and water, is fascinating work, or to run the little grass-cutter over soft turft is an exercise to be enjoyed. But, when there are none of these privileges, a leisurely walk may take their place and bring one home rosy and invigorated in body and spirit."


My note: Well, as Mrs. Walker does, I believe in theory that everyone is more healthful when they get outside at least once a day -- in all but the worst weather. When my children were very young, I saw the difference in their mood and their quality of sleep when they spent lots of time playing in the fresh air. It's sad to me that many children are kept inside so much these days. And, then, parents wonder why they are cranky and whiny. But, at any rate, I'm not one to preach on that right now. I have quit being concious of getting fresh air every day for myself, so I intend to remedy that. Today is a good day to begin -- It's nice and sunny here. :)

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

Scrooge and the Joy of Repentance

Last night, dear hubby, a houseguest, and I watched one of my all-time favorite movies: A Christmas Carol. I treat myself to an early viewing every year – before the Christmas rush comes and I start saying Scroogisms, like “I have so much to do! Bah, humbug.”

I’ve always thought that the story of Scrooge makes a wonderful parallel to Christian repentance. This was brought home to me even more deeply when I read, “Repentance,” by Ed Anton. This wonderful book briefly cites a Christmas Carol. More importantly, it is a thorough study of what Biblical repentance really means and how essential it is to an understanding of the gospel. I can’t recommend the book enough.

Anyhow, back to Scrooge. Of course, Christian repentance has nothing to do with Christmas ghosts. Our repentance is motivated by conviction from the Holy Spirit and is based on what Christ has done for us on the cross and through his resurrection. We are not visited by ghosts, but by flesh and blood Christians -- Christians who have experienced repentance and forgiveness themselves. These people lovingly hold out the gospel to us when we are lost. They lovingly keep calling us to repentance once we have become Christians. Despite the fact that Scrooge's motivation is different than the Christian's, the story of Scrooge is a good depiction of what true Christian repentance looks like.

First, Scrooge is confronted about his past, his present, and where his future is going if he does not change. Realizing the truth about himself sets his feet on the path to change. At one point, he is almost overcome with horror at the way he has lived his life. This sorrow is not yet the point of repentance, but it will take him there.

As 2 Corinthians 7:10 says, "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death." Worldly sorrow cries over sin, but, in the end, does not change. Thus, worldly sorrow falls short of repentance, and it leads to death. Likewise, Godly sorrow is not the same thing as repentance, either. But, unlike worldly sorrow, godly sorrow is a catalyst that gets us to repentance. Godly sorrow has both the desire to truly change and the faith that, through Christ, repentance and forgiveness are possible.

Fortunately, Scrooge chooses to let his sorrow lead him quickly to repentance. He realizes that he wouldn’t be shown how terrible his condition is unless there is hope of redemption. He understands he is being given a second chance at life.

At this point, Scrooge "gets the message". He changes his entire mindset – his whole way of looking at life. He puts away his pride, his selfishness, and his stinginess and he embraces humilty, unselfishness, and generosity. He turns his value system upside down; what was the most important thing in his life is now the least, and vice versa. He looks forward to a new way of thinking and living. Now, he has arrived at repentance!

Scrooge then falls into his grave – a picture of our dying to sin and self. It is also a picture of baptism: As it says in Romans 6:4, "We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life."

A few moments later, Scrooge awakens to his new life! He has experienced the twin joys of repentance and forgiveness, and he is forever altered. He does not sit around and moan over his lost years or the pain he has caused through his evil deeds -- as I am so often tempted to do. Scrooge's past was done away with in the grave. Scrooge is grateful. He leaves the past behind and looks forward to the future.

Scrooge is hopeful. He is joyful. He has new values. He has a new heart. He is a new man. He gleefully looks for ways to put his new way of thinking into action.

This new heart of Scrooges shows itself in the things he does. He happily purchases a huge turkey and has it sent to Bob Cratchett’s house. He gets dressed and runs to church, where he joins in the singing. He makes peace with his nephew and his nephew’s wife, both of whom he had spurned, and he spends a wonderful afternoon at their home.

The next day, while Scrooge waits for Bob Crachett to arrive, he echoes the sentiments of many a Christian: "I don't deserve to be so happy. But, I am."

When Bob first arrives, he is unaware that Scrooge has undergone such a dramatic change of heart. Scrooge plays a practical joke on him, offers him a raise, and breaks into laughter. All of this is so unlike the old Scrooge that Bob suspects that Scrooge has taken leave of his senses.

“No. I’ve come to them,” says Scrooge.

Bob’s fears are relieved once he sees that Scrooge is sincere in wanting to be a better employer and a good friend to him.

The movie closes by telling us that Scrooge held to his "repentance" for the rest of his life. The transformation in Scrooge was inescapable, and everyone marveled at it. Some even laughed at the changes in him, but Scrooge didn’t care. His own heart laughed, and that was enough for him.

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

Stuck on Quotes...

In keeping with yesterday's posts, here are two more quotes from Gone with the Wind about how inner beauty outshines whatever physical traits we have.

In the movie, Scarlett and Melanie were both played by beautiful actresses. In the book, however, neither girl was pretty in the classical sense.

The first chapter of GWTW establishes that Scarlett's facial features left something to be desired. The opening sentence reads, "Scarlett O'Hara was not beautiful, but men seldom realized it when caught by her charm as the Tarleton twins were."

Scarlett was calculating in her appearance, and she understood how to play up her best physical features and to downplay her less attractive ones. This was true when it came to the weaknesses of her character, as well. She knew how to appear sweet and innocent, though her inner character was anything but sweet or innocent. Throughout the book, however, her eyes often betrayed her true motives to those who were of a discerning nature.

In the first chapter, we read, "But for all the modesty of her spreading skirts, the demureness of her hair netted smoothly into a chignon and the quietness of small white hands folded in her lap, her true self was poorly concealed. The green eyes in the carefully sweet face were turbulent, willful, lusty with life, distinctly at variance with her decorous demeanor."

Scarlett's "charm" consisted of flirtatious tricks, which she employed to get her own way in life. So, hers was not a truly lasting beauty. Nor, was hers the type of beauty that springs from peace and, thus, spreads peace to others. She was a person who was "turbulent" in heart and who created discord around her.

Nonetheless, Scarlett was full of life. People were struck by her dimpled smiles and her vivacious chatter more than they took note of her plain features. Her vital personality gave her an aura of beauty.

In contrast to Scarlett, Melanie was not calculating in her appearance. Her face, like Scarlett's, is described as being plain. Unlike Scarlett, "she had no tricks of feminine allure to disguise its plainness." Melanie didn't need those tricks, for her cosmetic was a selfless, loving heart. She may not have been able to gather a flock of beaux around her as Scarlett did, but she didn't want to. She did not set her heart on gathering conquests, but desired, instead, to love her family, her friends, and her betrothed.

Here are some excerpts from the first time Melanie is described in GWTW. Scarlett was intent on disliking Melanie, for Melanie was engaged to the man that Scarlett wanted to marry. But, Melanie's lovely inner character was so apparent that even Scarlett was forced to grudgingly admire it.

"She (Melanie) looked and was as simple as earth, as good as bread, as transparent as spring water. But for all her plainness of feature and smallness of stature, there was a sedate dignity about her movements that was oddly touching and far older than her seventeen years....Her heavy earbobs with their long gold fringe hung down from loops of tidily netted, hair, swinging close to her brown eyes, eyes that had the still gleam of a forest pool in winter, when brown leaves shine up through quiet water... What made matters worse was that under his (Ashley's) smile, a little sparkle had come into Melanie's eyes, so that even Scarlett had to admit that she looked almost pretty. As Melanie looked at Ashley her plain face lit up as with inner fire, for if ever a loving heart showed itself upon a face, it was showing now on Melanie Hamilton's."

These two women are creations of fiction. But, their description highlights a truth we see in real life. Beauty isn't just about physical characteristics. Even a worldly type of charm can make any woman seem lovely -- at least in her youth. The real beautifier -- the one that lasts -- is the one that Melanie possessed: Love.

Wouldn't it be wonderful to have it said of us, "If ever a loving heart showed itself upon a face, it was hers"?

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

Two Good Deeds in a Naughty World...

"In her (Melanie's) small face, her eyes were too large for beauty, the dark smudges under them making them appear enormous, but the expression in them had not altered since the days of her unworried girlhood. War and constant pain and hard work had been powerless against their sweet tranquility. They were the eyes of a happy woman, a woman around whom storms might blow without ever ruffling the serene core of her being.

"How did she keep her eyes that way, thought Scarlett, looking at her enviously. She knew her own eyes sometimes had the look of a hungry cat. What as it Rhett had said once about Melanie's eyes -- some foolishness about them being like candles? Oh, yes, like two good deeds in a naughty world. Yes, they were like candle, candles shielded from ever wind, two soft lights glowing with happiness at being home again among her friends."

Isn’t this a lovely quote about a woman’s loving heart being reflected in her eyes? Yes, I know it’s cheesy to be inspired by a quote from Gone with the Wind. But, after all, I did grow up in Georgia, where the book takes place. And, my family in Tennessee endured the Civil War and its aftermath, just as the characters in Gone with the Wind did. Our family stories were so vivid that I don’t think I quite realized they had taken place nearly one hundred years before I was born! So, when I read GWTW, it seems to me as if I’m reading about people that I know. (I must add a caveat here: Sadly, the book reflects the patronizing racial attitudes of author Margaret Mitchell’s own era and of the time of Civil War setting).

At any rate, Melanie is quite a study in gentle, unselfish, sweet, and quietly courageous womanhood. Did you know that Margaret Mitchell originally intended to make her, and not Scarlett, the heroine of Gone with the Wind? Unfortunately, people from outside of the South picture Scarlett as the ultimate Southern woman. Actually, it is Melanie who Mrs. Mitchell lifts up as the true Southern lady.

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

Having a Blast with online Books About Homemaking

Mrs. Blythe, a fellow blogger, was kind enough to share with us a link to a treasure trove of antique homemaking books -- which contain tons of information. I'm having fun skimming through these old volumes, which are listed at the Digitial Book Index.

So far, I've looked at books from about 1911-1917. I have learned two things: Educators and government agencies provided w0men that era with information that was practical for their particular situation. They took into account if the woman lived in a rural area, a city, or the suburbs. They gave step-by-step instructions about all aspects of homemaking -- from budgeting to cooking to buying furnishings to nursing the sick to what type of curtains were the most practical to how to clean every item in the home, etc.

There is a book, for example, geared to women who kept home in a tenemant flat. The front of the book lists everything that a homemaker in such situation would need, and gives a dollar amount that should be spent. The author of that paticular volume suggested that a stove would cost a whopping $9.00. -- How prices have changed! Though some of the items on the list are things I wouldn't use today, the majority are things every house still needs. I intend to go back and take a closer look at that list to see how my home compares.

Of course, some of the information in these books is out of date. But, a suprising amount of it is useufl today. We can use the information to spur us to thinking how to apply this knoweldge to our own lives. I'm eager to read chapters on organizing a kitchen from various books, as the kitchen is my weakest spot when it comes to having a place for everything and everything in its place.

Secondly, these books unashamedly claimed that a knoweldge of homemaking would add to the beauty, the healthfulness, and the satisfaction of life. I love this quote from a pamphlet entitled, "Three Short Courses in Homemaking", which was designed to be used in rural schools in the Southern U.S.

"The beauty and sacredness of home life should receive emphasis, so that girls may feel the importance of conscientious work in the performance of their household duties. The girls should have some insight into the economic, sanitary, and social problems that are involved in housekeeping, so that they may develop and increased appreciation for the homemaker's work. The two most important things to be taught are the value of cleanliness and order."

How many authors of today could get away with recommending that public school teachers should emphasize the beauty and sacredness of home life to their students?

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

Old Things

I like old things that time has tried
And proven strong and good and fine;
Rose-petal softness of old sheets;
Old pottery of quaint design;
Old trees that stand against the wind,
However gnarled their branches are,
Symbolic of a soul grown strong,
Communing years with storm and star;
Old houses marked by hours
Of love and living through the years,
That proudly bear their stamp of worth
In spite of strife and stress and tears;
Old faces time has etched with lines
Of love and laughter, sorrow, too.
I like old things -- they have a depth
Unknown by anything that's new.
Cora Mae Preble

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

Tips For Teaching Children About Money

Charles Surgeon once said, "Economy is half the battle of life. It is not so difficult to make money as it is to spend it wisely."

My friend, Gina Bassman, who created and runs her own home business -- Gonicofish.com -- shared eight tips with me for teaching young children about money. She and her husband, Robert, who runs his own CPA firm, are using these with their six-year-old son, Nico. They consider Nico to be their miracle child, as it was difficult for them to have a child.

At any rate, here are the things Gina suggests:

1) Open a savings account with your child at the bank. Physically take him to the bank regularly so that he can make small deposits. Talk about his savings passbook with him. Praise huim as the balance grows.
2) Give your child a small allowance in increments that he can easily divide. That way, he will be able to use some now and save some for later.
3) Help your child save for a particular item on his or her wish list. Give him an envelope labeled with the name or picture of the object. Let him put small amounts of money in. When the envelope contains enough money, take him on a fun shopping trip to purchase the item.
4) Begin early to teach children the amounts of coins and the denominations of bills. Most children can mast this during their pre-school years.
5) Before taking your child grocery shopping with you, talk to him beforehand about what will occur on the trip. If you plan to allow him a treat or a toy, set a price limit. At the store, help him to choose an item within that dollar amount. If you start your shopping trip with this limit in mind, it will teach the child how to have self-control when confronted with all of the colorful displays in the store. It will also make the trip smoother and easier for you. At any rate, be sure not to give in if your child whines for everything that he or she sees. You will be doing your child a favor in the long run.
6) When letting your child have a treat, give him the money and have him hand it to the cashier instead of just tacking the cost on to your own purchases. In that way, he will learn the concept that whenever you bring home an item, a cost is involed.
7) Play matching games with the faces on dollar bills and counting games with coins. Make it fun.

And....drum roll for number eight...sure to be a favorite with moms who strive for frugality and simplicity in their home lives -- Gina says it's never to early to teach a child how to comparison shop! Now, there's a mom after my heart!

8) "The Internet is a great way for teaching children how to find the best price and value for an item," she says. The other night, she helped Nico shop on the Internet for a toy harmonica. She says he enjoyed looking at all of the pictures. She let him hunt and peck for the keys and reports -- with no bias, of course -- the "he looked adorable" as he searched for te right keys. She says it was a wonderful way to spend fun time doing something that he enjoyed, plus he learned about value, price, and computer skills in the process.

Enjoy!
elizabeth