12 weeks of Christmas blog hop -- Gluten/Dairy Free Sweet Potato Bread

Sweet Potato Bread/Cake 

I'm excited to jump back in to the Christmas Treats Blog Hop after a week of traveling and undergoing some home rennovation.  I love to see what everyone's baking for the holidays.

Our CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) packages from a local farm have included lots of sweet potatoes lately. That's good news for my hubby, who could eat a sweet potato every day and never get tired of them. We actually do eat them throughout the year, but, of course, we do have special memories of our mothers' special sweet potato casseroles for Thanksgiving and Christmas.  There's something about sweet potatoes that make one think of fall and the holidays.

Since we are receiving so many at one time, I decided to make some sweet potato bread to freeze for an upcoming party. Wouldn't you know that dear hubby and I couldn't wait to taste it to see how if this bread was as yummy as it smelled right out of the oven? Alas for my waistline, it does. It also tastes good cold on the second day!  There's plenty left, but it's clear that the loaf will never make it to the freezer.  :)

I not only decided to experiment with sweet potato bread, but also to try to make it gluten and dairy free. I read a recipe that uses self-rising flour and used it as a starting point for making up my own concoction. I further tweaked ingredients because I used more sweet potatoes than the original recipe called for. That meant that I needed to increase the dry ingredients a bit.  Since I was winging it, I was relieved when it turned out so well.

Here's what I did:

I boiled 5 or 6 sweet potatoes of different sizes and shapes.  Since the potatos are of such varied sizes, I guestimated how many I would need. I let them cool in the refrigerator.  When I mashed them, they came out to about three cups.  Of course, the skins pop easily off of boiled sweet potatoes, and they are easy to mash for a batter.

To 3 cups of mashed sweet potatoes, I added
2 cups gluten free Bisquick
1 cup sugar
cinnamon (I used a packet of cinnamon from Cracker Barrel, which they send with a takeout order of baked sweet potato.  You could use 2 tsps. or to taste)
1/2 cup veggie oil
2 TBSP coconut milk
3 large eggs
1 cup pecan pieces (the pieces sized for cookies)
1 scant cup raisins

I hand-mixed all of the ingredients and put them into a greased bundt pan. I baked it at 350 degrees.  I checked it at one hour and every five minutes afterward, which I recommend, but it actually took about 15 to 20 minutes more to bake.  It is done when an inserted knife or toothpick comes out clean.

This blog hop will inspire me to go on to new treats. If I do make this again for my upcoming party, I will serve it with cream cheese.   I may also dot the top with powdered sugar just for looks.  You could also slice this bread/cake thinly, spread the slices with cream cheese, and put two together to make little party sandwiches.  But, it's a wonderful treat on its own and doesn't need any extras to make it festive.

If I had not made this bread myself, I wouldn't know by taste or texture that it is gluten and dairy free.

Enjoy!  

12 Weeks of Christmas Treats Blog Hop: Week 1 -- Well, hello Dolly

To add to my Christmas fun, I'm participating in Meal Time Magic's 12 Weeks of Christmas Treats Blog Hop.  I have so many ideas for baking and freezing goodies this year!  Some involve experimenting with new recipes.  Some involve trying new flours and milks to create treats for family members with gluten and dairy sensibilities.  For the first week, however, I came up with an adaptation of an old tried and true treat:  Hello Dollies.  I haven't made these in years, and my husband's eyes lit up when he came home and saw a pan sitting on the counter to cool.  :)

I must say that these are easy to bake, simple to freeze, delightfully sweet, deliciously rich, and not-one-whit good for you  They surely are yummy, though, and filling.  A few bites go a long way, even for moi -- the chocoholic.

There are many versions of this recipe on the Internet, and, I assume, in old cookbooks and on recipe cards traded among friends.  Below is the recipe my mother clipped from the Atlanta newspaper.  Unfortunately, the date is not on the clipping.  I have an idea that it is from the early seventies, as I seem to remember that's when we first enjoyed them.  At any rate, the early seventies, when I was a young teen and a novice cook, is when I learned how to make them.  
Even younger children can follow this recipe with close supervision.

1 stick butter
1 cup graham cracker crumbs
1 cup coconut
1 cup chopped nuts
1 cup chocolate chips
1 can condensed milk

Melt butter in square pan. Add other ingredients, one at a time and in the order they are in the recipe. Make sure that the mixture is evenly spread.  Do not stir.  Bake 30 minutes in oven preheated to 325 degrees.  Cut in small squares.

As you can see, I used a 9 by thirteen pan and used more graham cracker crumbs, coconut, nuts, and chocolate chips to stretch the recipe to fit.  I also used slivered almonds instead of chopped nuts. Note:  Many people use chopped pecans, but I also like walnuts or almonds). I am glad that I used almonds in this batch, but I wouldn't make such a heavy layer of them again. I cut the baked and cooled Hello Dollies into squares, placed them in one single layer in freezer bags and froze them.  (That was after my beloved Professor Doc Engineer hubby and I sampled them just to make sure that they were safe for our holiday guests.  :))
 
Enjoy!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, if only in my mind...La...La...La....

What does that photo have to do with the Christmas theme of this article?  Not much.  I just like it.  It's of my parents and me. Can you tell from the palm trees that we lived in north Florida?  My early Christmases were hardly white ones. In fact, one of my grandfathers visited from Tennessee one Christmas, and he could not get over the fact that the roses in our backyard were in full bloom.  Other than as a very young baby on a family trip to Tennessee, I did not see snow until I was ten years old.  I used to imagine that it would feel like cotton. Our "green" Christmases were very special to me, though, and I have fond memories of them.

Well, that's enough time spent on memory lane. :)  As I posted yesterday, I've started following the Holiday Grand Plan 2013.  This is a plan that helps you do fall cleaning, de-cluttering, and the like, as well as starting you on small steps toward having happy holidays. The plan focuses on all of the holidays, from Halloween to New Year's, and is adaptable to whatever holidays your family happens to celebrate.  The plan begins in September, which is why I'm already thinking forward to December.

I love all of the seasonal holidays.  I'm especially excited about Christmas this year, because this is the year that all of our family will be together in one place for Christmas. Plus, this will be the first time that my one year old granddaughter will come to our house for Christmas. (Our married children alternate between all being at home for Thanksgiving and being with their in-law for Christmas one year and vice versa the next.  We usually see our children sometime around the other holiday as well, but usually not all together at one time and in one place. Our children are especially attached to Thanksgiving and love the years when we do Thanksgiving at our house, but we all love Christmas, too.)

This week, the holiday grand plan offers questions to think about. One of them is, "What would your ideal holiday be like?" I've been giving that some pondering. Throughout my life, I've been blessed with wonderful holidays and truly merry Christmases. Even on those one or two occasions where my husband and I have not had our children home for Christmas or Thanksgiving, we've been able to have church family and other friends in to make the day cheery.

The only Christmas that came close to being off was the year that my daughter, then 18 mos. old, caught a stomach virus and had to be hospitalized a few days before the holiday.  I was nursing our son at the time, and I was not allowed to go see my daughter for the fear that I would carry germs back to our baby. My husband was allowed to go, however, and he did catch the virus and became brutally ill.  I was exhausted and only slightly ill. From us, the bug spread to many in my husband's extended family.  My parents, who lived in another state, came to celebrate with us. When they saw how sick we were, they jumped right in and nursed us.

At some point, I think the only two people in my family and my husband's who were still standing on the morning of Christmas Eve were my father and my mother-in-law. My mother-in-law was a nurse at the time, and she gave my husband a shot and some pills. My daughter was released from the hospital late on Christmas Eve, and her homecoming was the best Christmas present ever! However, though we were all over the violent part of the illness by then, we were still weak, and all my husband and I wanted to eat was grits. We finally did make it over to my mother-in-law's for a real Christmas meal, but I can't remember if it was on the 25th or later, after we all recovered.  Even that crazy time of sickness, though, has morphed into part of our family lore. It has become one small thread in the fabric that makes us "us".

Basically, my ideal Christmas revolves around the themes of "relationships" and "peace".  Some years, particularly when my children were teens, we were so busy in December that I started to feel "Scroogy" around the 20th or so. Our calender was packed with great things: service projects, children's recitals, parties, Christmas concerts, my husband's company Christmas dinners, etc.  Even too much wonderful, however, can overwhelm me, and I start singing, "It's the most stressful time of the year". Once the pre-holiday rush settles and family and friends start gathering in, I always get in the Christmas spirit and have a great time. I think that's why my ideal picture of Christmas is one of simplicity and peace. Of course, that has to start in the heart, with prayer and closeness to the Lord, and then it can work out from there.

To counter my inner Scrooge, I usually watch one of my two favorite versions of a Christmas Carol before the Christmas rush starts.  I watch it by myself, first.  Then, when it's being played over and over, I watch it with family.  My husband and I both love the story, and A Christmas Carol is our favorite holiday movie.       
        
My husband I both grew up in a church background that does not view December 25th as Jesus' actual day of birth and does not place much emphasis on religious holidays. It was pointed out that while the Bible describes the events surrounding Jesus' birth, it does not mention Christmas or command us to mark it with a particular holiday. We viewed Christ as someone to celebrate daily in our lives and weekly in communion, and that is still how I view Him. The spiritual intent of Christmas in our culture was acknowledged in our childhood churches, but not emphasized as much as it is in some traditions.

I do love the story of Jesus' birth, though, and Christmas is a lovely time to remember it and to share it with church, family, and friends. It's the one time of year when everyone celebrates some form of winter holiday, and that provides an opening to share Jesus with others. I love Christmas carols and hymns and Easter songs, as the lyrics remind us of our joy in the Lord.  I also like to learn about Christmas traditions from around the world. My dream is that every family gathering we have throughout the year will honor Christ and that His presence will be in us and with us.        

What about you?  Do you celebrate Christmas or not?  What are your childhood holiday memories?  What are your current traditions? What is your picture of the ideal Christmas?  Have you ever gotten an idealistic picture in your head of how the holidays should be and than have been disappointed if things didn't go exactly to plan? Have you been encouraged by joyful holidays? I'd love to hear from you. :)          

Enjoy!
     
  

            

Counting down to the holidays!

Are you using a holiday organization plan this year?  There are lots of them on the Internet, and all look helpful.  Some are for 12 weeks; others, six; still others one month.  I'm going back to a tried and true plan: The Holiday Grand Plan.  This has been on the Internet in some form or another since the 90's.  I've done parts of it, but never have followed it all the way through.  This year, I think I will tackle it all.  I'm a week behind, though, so gotta run...

Enjoy!

Social Media and personal conversation: what we say about our husbands and children.

Recently, a young mother blogged on Huffington Post about an incident in which she and two-year-old son were treated in a frightening way.  In her post, she made some controversial remarks.  I am concerned about some of the things she said, and I would love to be able to chat about those concerns in a friendly and personal way -- perhaps over a cup of coffee at Starbucks. I do not know her, however.

The young mother's comments have led to a public firestorm of both positive and negative responses. According to a latest Huffington Post article, her personal information has been leaked, and she has received threats directly to her family and her physical home. Now, the police have been called in. I am not linking to the articles, because I reason that this young woman has received more attention than she ever intended to attract already. I do not believe that the meant for this to get out of hand, as it has, and I have nothing but sympathy for her plight.  She and her family need a break from publicity.

Fortunately, the controversy will die down in time, and her family will likely regain their personal safety. My question is this:  will the comments that she and others made about this incident in her son's life ever completely go offline? Perhaps, the child in question is too young to remember much of this when he grows up. Will he, however, come across his name and his mother's on the web at some future point?  If so, will he be happy or distressed that he was used, however inadvertently, to make a point?  I wonder.

That's only an extreme case of a trend that bothers me.  It's popular now to discuss in public just how difficult mothering can be.  We all know that mothering takes stamina.  Young mothers do need a place to joke about the need to get away for a few days or to seriously ask for advice from older mothers about how to weather the rough spots. To me, that place is in person, within a trusted, intimate circle of friends.  Even then, we need to make conscious choices about what we say and to whom concerning our spouses, children, in-laws, etc.  

When I was a young mother, I appreciated women who were positive examples to me of loving their husbands and their children.  I appreciate examples of grateful, positive grandmothers now that I am a new grandmother. Those examples inspire me and make me want to grow as an individual and in my various family roles. I also appreciate sympathetic and wise friends with whom I can discuss worries, concerns, or difficulties.  If someone confides one of their struggles to me, I appreciate that, as well, for that lets me know that I'm not alone.  

I am glad that my husband and children have similar, loving, in-person friendships. I don't think I'd be very happy, though, if my husband put out on Facebook or on a blog the equivalent comments about me that I see mothers make about their children:  My wife was home all weekend! (My child was out of school and under my feet all day!).  I deserve a martini for putting up with my wife.  (I deserve a martini for putting up with my children!)  Really?  

Yes, those comments might be funny in a certain setting, but do we really want them on the web where they last forever and ever. Also, sharing from the heart can help bloggers relate to their audience, and vice versa. There's a fine line, however, between having enough open and honest relationships and broadcasting intimate details to mere acquaintances or even to strangers.        

What will it be like for this generation (the homeland generation) to grow up being so publicly and individually discussed?  How will they respond when they become adolescents and wrestle with who they are, only to find that their mothers have publicly shared TMI? That remains to be seen. In the meantime, I think we all do well to remember that gossip on the Internet is permanent and has the potential to go viral to a worldwide audience. We need to ask ourselves if we have the right to share certain things about children who are too young to give their input.

Love always protects, I Corinthians tells us. I think when we love our husbands and children, we are careful about the things we expose them to. We think about the impression we leave of them.  We also think about whether a blog post or a Facebook comment might expose a loved one to danger.  If we lose readers because we do not seize the chance to grab a headline at our children's expense, so be it!      

I'm personally sobered when I remember that the words I write on social media may very well outlive me! My public comments, even more so than written letters, may be a legacy that I leave. I have letters written by late relatives that I still treasure, and I'm sure that many of you do too. Reading those old letters is a traditional way to stay close to the memory of a loved one. Often, people have gleaned wise advice and a sense that they were loved from such writings.  A hateful letter, though, has often inflicted much pain. What will be the impact of our current web communication on the ones we will inevitably leave behind?  It's something to consider.  

The Bible has so much to say about the tongue and how we speak of others.  Many of us have worked on this in our personal lives.  We need, more than ever, to ask for God's guidance about the things we say in social media.  I say this as a reminder to myself!  

Along with that, we can ponder our responses to snark.  If we respond in a loving, forgiving manner, we've stopped what could become a cycle of meanness and cruelty. If we can teach our children to be confident be enough in the Lord to respond as he did on the cross, we will go a long way to helping them withstand snarky comments and even potential cyber-bullying.          

Ephesians 4: 29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.



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Sprucing up the love nest day 3

Here are details I am working with.  I welcome suggestions.  The quilt was made by my beloved mother in law because she knows I love yellow and purple is the natural complement of yellow.  Wasn't that sweet of her to do?  You can not tell from my bad photography, but her work is exquisite.

I personally would rather work with yellow amd blue or pink at this point but I want to incorporate the quilt in some way.  Maybe I can play
up the greens in the quilt.  I am ready to dump a yellow bed skirt that predates the quilt, which is about 12 years old.  I am ready free

Sprucing up the Love nest -- Day 2

Behold, thou art fair, my beloved, yea, pleasant; also our couch is green. The beams of our house are cedars, and our rafters are firs. I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valley.  Song of Solomon 1:16-17

She makes coverings for her bed;
    she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

Proverbs 31

My dressing table arrived and is all put together (picture to come)!  Somehow, the style of the table makes the rest of my old arrangement look junky by comparison.  So, I'm on the lookout for some thrift store or otherwise inexpensive shelves to hold a little bit of my stuff, plus some books.


I love the style of this room by Lucienne. Of course, I don't have twin beds, but a king sized bed.  And, it's not a guest room, the keeping of which is totally different than that of a master suite.  But, we do have some yellow in our bedroom, which I would like to play down.  We have a quilt made by my husband's mother for me with yellow, violet, and a touch of green in it; she chose those colors because she knows that I love the color yellow.  We have enjoyed the quilt for many years now and still want to keep it.  However, I'd like to de-emphasize yellow for a bit and pick up some other colors.  I think the room in the picture is a very subtle, restful take on yellow.  I don't know exactly what I'll come up with, but this gives me an image to work with.  

 


I talked in my last blog about how easy it is to let your own bedroom be the last place in the home that you decorate.  It's also easy to let it be the catchall for folded laundry that needs to be put away and other items.  Or, at least it is for me. So, I am being inspired today by poetic images from the Bible regarding the love between a wife and her husband and also the potential beauty of one's most intimate space.

The verse from Song of Solomon, according to various commentaries, could refer to a romantic outdoor spot, a sweet country home rather than a palace, or the freshness and vitality of the couple's physical relationship. 

Enjoy!

Sprucing up the love nest...Day I

Carina Comfort Set -- Bed, Bath, and Beyond

Why  is it that it's so easy to neglect our bedrooms and master baths?  After all, that is either our personal intimate space or the intimate space that we share with a beloved husband.  Along with the kitchen, it forms the "nest" in our home.  We begin and end our days in our bedroom.  It's where the romance in our marriages either thrives or dies.  Peace and loveliness in this oh-so-important "nest" goes a long way to making our days sweeter.  

I have this image in my head of having a calm and gentle heart which translates into how I keep the heart of my house.  Some times, I attain something close to this goal.  At other times, I let it become the staging ground for laundry that is folded and not put away, for packages that need to go here or there, for cleaning materials that could be put out of sight, and for an array of cosmetics that could be ordered.

I'm determined this summer to beautify my love nest on a tiny budget.  Yes, I am an empty nester, so any of my young readers might be thinking, "Why does it matter at your old age if the bedroom is a romantic, soothing, relaxing place or not?"  The answer is; you're never too old to want the place you share with your husband to be inviting. :)  Also, the older you get, the better it feels to have a tidy, lovely place in which to re-charge not only your marriage, but your physical health and your spirits.

I have some chronic ailments which slow me down.  It's just when I'm at my most fatigued that I am tempted to clean the public areas of my home, the areas that visitors will see, yet skimp on my bedroom.  Ironically, it's at those times that I most desire to be able to curl up and recover in a clean and comforting environment. In view of that, I've decided to reinforce my routines for keeping the bedroom neat.

Along those lines, here are a few things I've learned in 32 years of marriage:

1)  Your definition of a hot love nest might be different from your husband's, and vice versa.   In fact, your husband may not care very much about a romantic setting as long as there's no clutter and you've got a smile on your face. Try to incorporate both his tastes and yours in your room so that the space is appealing to you both.  Update things as both of your tastes evolve over the years.  
2)  Try your hardest to maintain your room as a place for sleep, romance, and prayer.  Try to find other spaces for work, hobbies, working on your finances, TV, etc. If you live in a one bedroom apartment and must use your bedroom for many purposes, find ways to attractively hide your activities away so that your room will be a restful place.  Catch some 70's re-runs and notice how Mary Tyler More always pulled a screen down to hide her kitchen after she finished cleaning it.  She also made a ritual of pulling out her hideaway bed and neatening it every morning.   Her character was single, but it's not a bad example for married women, too.
3) You will get behind at times.  This is especially true if you are a mother with young children.  That's ok.  Just get back on track as soon as you can.  It doesn't have to be perfect.  Just be consistent in your efforts to keep things neat and sweet.
4)  Teach your children to respect your bedroom.  (And, show some respect for their personal spaces, as well).  Teach them how to knock if they need you.
5)  If you are the mother of young children, remember that the time when they will grow up and start their own adult lives is closer than you think it is.  The transition to an empty nest is much easier if you make consistent investments in your marriage.  Doing what you can when you can to keep your bedroom lovely is one way to show your husband that you love and value him.

I've been totally inspired by this blogger's creative and inexpensive bedroom makeover!  It makes me want to take a beach vacation with my dear hubby, aka the Professor.  :)

Do you have any bedroom projects going on this summer?  Do post a link and some photos! 

Enjoy!

The Merry Rose Reads : The Charlatan's Boy by Jonathan Rogers

I received a review copy of The Charlatan's Boy by Jonathan Rogers from Blogging for Books (WaterBrook Multnomah Press).  I was intrigued by the name, the cover, and the premise, and I looked forward to reading it.  It had a charming fantasy plot hook, as well as quirky characters and an innocent tone.   I enjoyed it, but wish I could say that I enjoyed it more. 

The story centers around Grady, an orphan, and the medicine showman, Floyd, who takes him in.  As the pair travel about their country of Corenwald, Floyd exploits Grady as a way of providing for himself and for the boy.  The two use Grady's physical unattractiveness to promote him first as one of the scary swamp people, the Feechees and, later, when people don't believe in the Feechees anymore, as the ugliest boy in the world. All the while, Grady suffers from not knowing exactly who he is or where he came from.  Grady's plot arc revolves around the question of his true identity and the need to find home and acceptance. 

So far, so good.  That plot hook certainly whetted my interest.   For some reason that I can't put my finger on, I felt that the plot didn't live up to its potential.  For me, the book lagged in several places.  Also, I felt that the fictional setting pulled from too many influences.  It felt like an odd mix of Georgia (my home state), the old American west, and Cornwall in England.  I do think all of those influences could unite in a fantasy world.  In this book, however, some of the details conjured up one setting in my mind and other details, another, and I found it hard to stay oriented in the author's intended world.  For me, the setting kept getting in the way of the characters and of the plot.

I am a grandmother who still enjoys reading the best of books for children and teens.  I'm not in the target audience for the book, however.  So, just because it dragged for me doesn't mean that a young child, particularly a boy, might not think it's a thrilling read.

I've noticed that the author has written a trilogy that some reviewers seem to enjoy more than the Charlatan's Boy.  I thought enough of the Charlatan's Boy to take a chance on reading the trilogy.  I do think that the author has talent and creativity, and I can easily imagine that he either already has or will pen a treasure of a book.  For me, the Charlatan's Boy is close, but not quite it. 

Just a note:  The book does deal with questions of belonging and identity and somewhat with faith, but not in a particularly Christian framework.  It also deals with the theme of a person's value not being dependent on his outward appearance, which is an important subject in today's culture.  I think the author was trying to hint at Christian spirituality without being overt. If so, it seems to me that he overshot the mark, moving right past subtlety to hard-to-find. I don't think that means that the Charlatan's Boy isn't worth a read.  I mention this only because buyers might see the Multnomah label and might expect the book to be more evocative of Biblical themes than it is.  

Enjoy!

Attic Treasures and The Dressing Table

When I was a little girl playing among attic treasures (except that they were in a garage), I found a beautiful cover that had been on my mother's kidney shaped dressing table but no longer worked with her bedroom decor.  It had pale pinks in it, if I remember correctly.  I wish I knew what happened to that cover.

Mom eventually abandoned the kidney shaped dressing table in favor of a newer set up, and it, too, moved to the area of old treasures.  Eventually, it ended up in their attic and remained their until long after she died.  One year, I enjoyed "shopping" in my father's attic, which by then contained not only things he no longer used, but several items from his late sister -- who had been a good ten years older than my father.  He was delighted to have someone use these items, especially since it freed up his space.

My mother had classic tastes.  She would never, ever have described herself as glamorous, but she was very beautiful and she had that kind of classic, all-American glamor that I associate with women who came of age in the 40's.  That fit very nicely with my Dad's classic tastes.

My paternal aunt and I, on the other hand, share some random frou-frou, rococo gene.  Her frilly tastes were always neatly presented.  I lean towards SHABBY chic, despite my best efforts to do away with the shabby and leave the chic.  I often spot things I think are pretty for the home and say to myself, "Here's a new direction for you to go in."  Inevitably, the item or look I have just seen will be labeled French provincial, even though I don't always see the French connection at first. 

During my year of shopping in my dad's attic, I snatched up my mother's dressing table and sewed up a cover out of a yellow sheet, some yellow gingham, and some lace trim.  I didn't attach it correctly to the swing arm, so I eventually wore out the swing arm.  The cover is ratty after 11 or so years of use, as well.

I've ordered a new dressing table and hope to create a new little sanctuary in the corner of our master bedroom.  This time, I have chosen something decidedly English -- note the spindle legs versus curved legs.  It's still just a touch frou-frou, though, and I intended on frou-frouing it up. :)   Here's a picture of the table:

 

What do you think?

Do you have any suggestions for how I might decorate my new space?  I'd love to hear from you, my lovely readers.

Enjoy!

5 ways to pray throughout the day...

Two Girls Praying...Munier 1850

In the Bible, particularly in the life of Jesus and in the Psalms, we see the value of daily times reading God's word and praying.  We also see examples of getting away from it all in order to have even more focused time with the Lord.  Finally, as when Nehemiah petitioned God before conversing with King Artaxerxes (Nehemiah 2:4), we see the value of sending up short prayers throughout the day.   This helps us express our dependence on the Lord.

We can, of course, become so busy that we forget to talk to our Lord about the events of our day.  There are several things we can do to become more prayerful.  Here are five that have helped me:

1) Take every opportunity to praise the Lord.   The Psalms and other scriptures are full of prayers that begin with blessing God's name.  Reading and memorizing these will help us develop the habit of praise, as well.  We must also train our hearts to take notice of the good things that God pours into our laps and to respond in gratitude.  Even things that we don't enjoy -- such as a long meeting or scrubbing a kitchen floor -- can be an opportunity to thank God for having a job or for having a kitchen to scrub.  There are many in the world who have neither.   We can rejoice that we have the strength to do our work, for many do not have that, either.  We can also always rejoice in what Jesus has done for us.

Jewish culture is known for saying blessings throughout the day.  Here is a Jewish blessing for trees:  "Blessed are You - the Lord our God, King of the universe, who has withheld nothing from His world, but has created in it goodly creatures and goodly trees for the enjoyment of human beings."

2)   When you do someone's laundry or clean someone's room, pray specifically for that person.  

3) Tell yourself that you will pray every time you buckle your seat belt or every time you sit down to the computer or the like.     

4)  Make an appointment with yourself to pause at some designated time during the day for five to fifteen minutes of prayer.  This should be in addition to your regular devotionals.  Set an alarm or phone reminder.

5)  When you walk in your neighborhood or drive through your town, pray for the people you see, for the homes you see, and for matters that affect your neighborhood, your community, and the nation.  Keep a map of world countries, and pick one to pray about each day.

Most of us also say prayers of thanks at meal times.  Don't think that these prayers are of little account, but put your heart into them.  I once heard a woman say that when she was thinking of giving up on God, the habit she had learned as a child of thanking the Lord at each meal kept her heart in touch with Christ so much that her faith only grew stronger, instead.   

Enjoy!

  

Five things new mothers should know about nursing...

A Pinterest funny... 

He tends his flock like a shepherd.  He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.  Isaiah 40:11

When I was born, my mother nursed me for six weeks.  That was unusual in that day. (The year was 19 cough, cough, cough).  Medical science was in its glory, and the culture looked down on nursing as being primitive.  To be fair, 20th century medicine made some astonishing advances:  antibiotics, the eradication of smallpox, the near eradication of polio, organ transplants, and the like.  Not the least of these advances was a reduction in maternal and infant mortality, as well as improvements in recovery rates for typical childhood ailments.  Despite all of these advances, it does seem a shame that the natural process of nursing babies and having more natural childbirth got lost in the process.

By the time my children were born in the 1980's, our culture had been through the back to the earth movements of the 1960's and 70's.  The La Leche League, among other influences, had slowly induced the culture to consider mother's milk as healthy again.  Nursing was common.   So many of us in the mid to late baby boom were having children, and we all had a lot of interest in the welfare of babies and interests.  Younger doctors were coming into medicine, and they were more open to things like natural childbirth and nursing.  I may have had an unusually good experience, but I felt very supported in nursing my children.

Today, there is even more support for nursing mothers.  There are more lactation specialists around today.  There are clinics for nursing mothers.  There are newer breast pumps and other developments.

I think all of the new nursing help is wonderful.  What I do see, however, is many young mothers struggling to have the "perfect nursing experience".  That seems to work itself out in two ways.   I know young mothers who really wanted to nurse, but who hit a little problem and gave up too easily.  They assumed that a glitch meant that nursing just wouldn't work for them and their babies.  I also know young mothers who have had true medical or other barriers to nursing and who struggled for a long time with depression or even guilt for not being able to nurse.  I suppose that my peers and I experienced some of the same struggles, but I'm now looking at it from the vantage point of having grown children.
 
In light of that, I'd love for new mothers to consider the following five things:

1)  Whether or not you can nurse your baby is not the measure of whether you are a good mother or not.   Yes, nursing is not only a wonderful experience, but it has great benefits for you and for your child.  If you can't nurse for any reason or if you choose not to nurse, you may feel some pangs.  It doesn't have to be the end of the world, though. Mothering is made up of many aspects, of which nursing is just one.  If you must bottle feed, you can still give your baby great nurturing. 
2)  Relax!  I know that can be easier said than done, especially if you have fifteen different friends offering fifteen different theories about nursing baby.  However, nursing is a natural process that works best if you can stay calm about it.  Learning to peacefully trust the Lord with your nursing experience is good training for trusting Him throughout mothering!  Ask the people in your life for help in creating a peaceful environment for you and baby if you need to.
3)  Nursing and parenting experts are great, but be wary of following any one theory too slavishly.   We are fortunate to live in a time when so much parenting advice is available.  However, we can needlessly fret ourselves by trying to fit our mothering into a theory rather than enjoying a relationship with our baby.  We can also take on unnecessary baggage if we compare ourselves unduly to another mother or to an ideal from a book.  Let the Bible be your ultimate standard.  Lean on God, a few trusted friends who have done well in mothering, and common sense.  Let any other parenting tools be your servants and not your masters.
4)  There probably is a happy medium between nursing totally on demand and rigidly scheduling a young infant.  So many parenting theories divide out over this issue, and you may feel pulled between one or the other. Work out what is best for you and for your baby (and your husband!) and stay flexible as baby grows from birth to weaning.  
5)  Don't neglect God or your husband while you are nursing.   While you are nursing, your infant will be a big focus.  You won't get as many other things done as you might in other seasons of life, and that is ok.  However, you will do well to make daily investments in your relationship to God and in your marriage.  Even small investments will help you stay grounded and happy.     

Enjoy!

Elegance

"Elegance is refusal," said Coco Chanel.

If elegance can be defined as dignified gracefulness or restrained beauty of style, then we can understand what she meant.  A woman who aspires to elegance choose that which is best and leaves the rest.  That is not my strong suite, but I am working on being able to discern what is best from many options.

Elegance is not necessarily a spiritual value and the pursuit of elegance can take people far from the heart of love.  Yet, what better example do we have of elegance than the Proverbs 31 woman?  

She chooses what is best with regard to time.
She chooses what is best with regard to the raw materials she works with.
She chooses what is best in her investments.
She chooses what is best in being open-armed to the needy, for she seeks to spend her resources on people and their care.
She chooses what is best with regard to her words.
She chooses what is best with regard to fearing the Lord, rather than chasing ephemeral things that might lead to frustration.

She is a wise manager of all the resources the Lord has given her.  She is not dragged along by busyness or the crowd, but evaluates and makes wise choices.  She lives with purpose.  

She is elegant.

Enjoy!  

       

Advanced Style, Advanced Substance...

While recovering from pneumonia, I have had the pleasure of perusing Ari Seth Cohen's lovely blog, Advanced Style.  He takes photographs of interesting and stylish older women (and men), and he often adds quotes from their wisdom or little glimpses of their life stories.  Most of these are people he meets on the streets of New York, but he also finds chic elders in other cities and countries, as well.

It seems to me that the women of Advanced Style along two sartorial lines.  There is a continuum of women who favor boho/funky to wildly glamorous style expression and a continuum from nicely pulled together to classic to quite elegant in their presented.  My favorites fall in the last category, though, that of course, is a matter of personal taste.  My absolute favorite is this sparkly, spunky 101 year old named Ruth.  Ruth was just featured in a Pilates magazine -- Yes! at 101 years old. 

Apparently, some of the women that Mr. Cohen meets are surprised that anyone would want to photograph them at their age.  Others have expressed gratitude that Mr. Cohen sees them, as older people -- especially women -- often feel invisible in our society.  Kudos to Mr. Cohen for having the eyes to see the beauty in people of advancing years.

That makes me think how God sees us as we age.  I'm not in the Advanced Style age group yet, but I'm close enough that I feel the passing of time.  It means a lot to me that the Lord sees and loves us through this time in our life. Last night, as I was lying awake, having issues with breathing, so many verses about this came alive to me.

I love that God shows us in Proverbs 31 that his love for us transcends how we look or how old we are or any other circumstance of our life.  He says, "Beauty is fleeting and charm is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." It's our relationship to him that the Lord values; it's the substance of us and not the style of us.  And, even beyond our substance, which on our own is frail and sinful and corrupted, he loves because he is love and chooses to love us.  "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."  Romans 5:8.  Isn't that wonderful?

One beautiful example of how God sees and works through the aged is Anna, the prophetess. She is someone who could have felt alone and forgotten, but she devoted herself to the Lord.  In her old age, she was privileged to see the newborn Messiah and to proclaim him.  She came up to Mary and Joesph and Jesus just as Simeon, who as also aged, had recognized Jesus.  Here's her story:
  
^"There was also a prophet, Anna, the daughter of Penuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was very old; she had lived with her husband seven years after her marriage, and then was a widow until she was eighty-four. She never left the temple but worshiped night and day, fasting and praying. Coming up to them at that very moment, she gave thanks to God and spoke about the child to all who were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem."  Luke 2:36-38.  

What did Anna look like?  How did she dress?  We don't know.  We do know that, though God, she got to be part of the most profound events in all of history, and this was at the age of eighty plus.  She was able to see and to know Jesus.  God holds out to every one of us the chance to have this deep, everlasting, intimate relationship with Christ. (Acts 2:38)  When that is in place, our human relationships become more deeply connected, as well, and we have fellowship with God and others.  When we obey God, his love is made complete in us.  Our current bodies will change with time, but we can rest in peace that our hearts are held in the Lord's hands.  I John Chapters One and Two  

Do we truly grow insignificant as we age?  Never!  

Enjoy!
    

      

Christmas thoughts....

I love this prediction of our Messiah's coming!


The people walking in darkness have seen a great light.  On those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned.  Isaiah 9:2.

I love that no matter how dark this world may be -- and the recent school shooting shows us the shadow - there is light.  Jesus is our light.

How amazing it is that Jesus would walk among us!

Enjoy!

One woman's journey through the book of Isaiah...Part I

I've always loved the beautiful images in the book of Isaiah.  Who can forget the passage about how those who wait upon the Lord will rise up on eagles wings or the lovely descriptions of Jesus as Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, and so on?  Yet, I'd like to read and study it on a deeper level.

Now, I'm no Bible scholar mind you, and I wouldn't presume to teach the book of Isaiah in any authoritative way.  However, I am finding some insights that are meaningful to me, and I'd like to share them.  I hope you will enjoy these thoughts, too.  Since it's difficult to cover a book this deep in a few blog posts, I hope you will undertake your own study of Isaiah.

I am in awe of the vision that Isaiah saw when he took up his commission to preach to the people of Israel:

In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord, high and exalted, seated on a throne; and the train of his robe filled the temple. ² Above him were seraphim, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. ³ And they were calling to one another:

“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty;
    the whole earth is full of his glory.”

⁴ At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.  From Chapter Six

Isn't that breathtaking?  I've always loved that.  What I didn't realize until doing further study was that this was written during a time when Israel's and, perhaps, Isaiah's hopes had been dashed.  King Uzziah was, with the exception of Jehoshaphat, the most prosperous king of Judah and of the house of David since Solomon.  He was faithful to the Lord for most of his long reign.  He was mighty in battle.  There was hope in the land that the former days of glory would be fully restored under his leadership. 

However, Uzziah became proud, became unfaithful to God, and offered incense when only the priests should have done so.  He was struck with leprosy and was removed from rule.

On top of that, the culture was turning away from the Lord to sin. (Isaiah Chapters 1-5)  People were going through the motions of worshiping the Lord, but without living righteously before him.  Their worship services and their sacrifices were hollow. 

Many were selfish, and they overlooked the needs of the poor, the defenseless, the widows, and the orphans.  The nation was trying to combine the worship of the Lord with superstitions from the east.  Corrupt officials were taking bribes.  The princes had thieves as companions. Leaders were misleading the people.  The wealthy were exploiting the poor, drinking too much, too self-indulgent, prideful, and without concern for the Lord. The women were arrogant, consumed with materialism and finery, and wanton.  It got to the point that people were confused about what was good and what was evil.

It was in the year that Uzziah died, and with him the dreams his kingship had awakened in the people, that Isaiah saw the Lord sitting on a throne, high and lifted up.   The throne of Judah wasn't doing well.  The religious leaders were also letting the people down.   However, God's throne is permanent and unshakable.  He is King over all kings, Lord over all nations, cultures, and governments.  Our ultimate hope is not in earthly people or circumstance, but in God's loving and just interaction with our fallen world.  Our citizenship is in heaven, and we live by its principles of righteousness, peace, and love.  Sometimes, it takes the dashing of our earthly dreams to point us to the glory that will never fail.     

What's the lesson for me? 

Are our current politics unstable?  Is our country divided along political lines?  Was our recent election a bitter contest?  Jesus is Lord and Savior.

Is our economy wavering?  Jesus is Lord and Savior.

Have my personal hopes in people or in earthly things been dashed?  Jesus is Lord and Savior.

Am I getting older?  Jesus is Lord and Savior.

Are there issues among my brothers and sisters in the Lord that I need to deal with?  Jesus is Lord and Savior.

Are parts of our culture turning away from God and toward sin?  Jesus is Lord and Savior.

Is there injustice in our land?  Jesus is Lord and Savior.

Do people make up their own religion, as the Israelite did, by mixing a little something here and a superstition there with a smattering of the real truth?   Jesus is Lord and Savior.

Do I need to identify and repent of sin in my life?  Jesus is Lord and Savior.

After God revealed his glory and his kingship to Isaiah, Isaiah was strengthened to go into ministry to his people.  The people sorely needed someone who cared -- someone authentic, someone who would love them and who would proclaim the truth to them.  Only after Isaiah had encountered the Lord was he ready for this mission.   

Enjoy!   

 

Beautify our world -- thanksgiving.

Before you go out into the world, wash your face in the clear crystal of praise. Bury each yesterday in the fine linen and spices of thankfulness.

 

 

 Charles Spurgeon

 

My friend Margaret, who owns Mom's Sign Company.  Isn't she cute?

One of the Thanksgiving signs that Margaret makes -- She does all kinds of decorative signs for the home.

I know it's a little early to be thinking about Thanksgiving Day, but I'm already looking forward to it.  It's the favorite holiday of both my husband and my daughter.  Actually, in our family, we all have happy memories of Thanksgiving.  Seeing how my family does love it keep some from rushing ahead to Christmas. 

I don't relate much to the "horror" elements of Halloween decorating, so I tend to focus on a fall theme that carries me from September through Thanksgiving Day.  Decorating wise, I don't go overboard for any holiday.  I do, however, like to change things up a little for the seasons and also to set holiday themed tables.

  

Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast. Shakespeare

November's such a great time to train our own hearts to be grateful, and to help train our children's hearts to be grateful, too.  If we all take one month to just camp out on the practice of being grateful, imagine how much that would infuse the other 11 months with gratitude, as well.   The old saying is that it takes 21 days to build a habit; the 30 days of November are more than enough time to cement the habit of gratitude in our minds.   

I love this verse from Colossians:

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

Wouldn't it be fun if everyone, everywhere was overflowing with thankfulness?  How happy would our homes be if we were all so full of thankfulness that it brimmed right over into our words and our actions.  Imagine waiting in line or sitting in a waiting room if everyone there was generally grateful.  Think what neighborhoods and workplaces would become.   Of course, I need to start my dream by looking in the mirror.  :)   

Enjoy!

 

Beautify our World...Nurturing

I love the dictionary definition of nurture:

to feed and protect: to nurture one's offspring.

to support and encourage, as during the period of training or development; foster: to nurture promising musicians. to bring up; train; educate.

I'm sure we can all think of nurturers in our lives.  One quality I think of regarding nurturing is the quality of making someone feel warm, safe, and accepted so that person can flourish.  I know people who have an extraordinary gift for nurturing, and I see Christ in them.  That's a quality that I want to grow in.


In our culture, we associate women with nurturing, and some women fear to be seen as nurturing for fear that they won't be respected on the same plane that men are.  Yet, the Bible portrays God as a nurturer and also calls husbands and fathers to be nurturers, too.  Paul, the apostle, said that he had lived among the Thessalonians in a gentle way, with the same nurturing quality that the mother of an infant might have. 

Isaiah 49:15  (God speaking to Israel) Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! 

Ephesians 5:4  And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

I Thessalonians 2:7 As apostles of Christ we certainly had a right to make some demands of you, but instead we were like children among you. Or we were like a mother feeding and caring for her own children.

Ephesians 5:25ff  Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing of water through the word  and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

Nurturing is a beautiful quality, for it is a reflection of God's own heart.  It takes strength and faith to nurture others.   It also takes prayer and wisdom.  It also requires that we know when to step in and when to let go, so that we don't cross that line from nurturing into smothering. 

What are some practical ways to nurture?

1) Study God's nurturing, as revealed in the Bible.  Note in the gospels how Christ always saw what others didn't:  the beauty of the widow's two coins, the tax collector in the tree, the woman who touched Jesus' garment in a huge crowd, the blind men calling for help by the wayside, etc.
2)  Rejoice when others succeed, grow, or mature.  Rejoice when others experience happy things or have reasons to celebrate.

3) Cultivate your own domestic skills.  If you particularly enjoy a certain skill -- such as cooking or sewing or keeping a home tidy or fostering great relationships in the family -- learn and practice.  Use that skill to nurture those in or outside your family.
4)  Do you have occupational skills?  These, too, can be used to nurture others.
5)  At any gathering, two questions are useful in nurturing: what can I learn and what can I give.




You don't have to be a wife or mother to be a nurturer, but being a wife and mother is good training ground for learning how to nurture.  By the time our nest empties, we have usually learned how to tune into the needs of our husband and children.  Yet, our children are adults and, while they still need and appreciate our nurturing, they need a more subtle form of nurturing. Likewise, our husbands need us as much as ever, but, again, nurturing a husband is a tiny bit different than nurturing children.  Instead of bemoaning that we have worked our way out of a parenting job, it's better to celebrate!  We just graduated from a school of nurturing.  Our grown children are our diploma!  Now, we have lots of tenderness and love to give.  We've developed some skills.  So, we nurture our husbands, our grown children, and our grandchildren according to their needs, and we funnel all that extra nurturing sensitivity into loving others, as well.  If we keep our hearts and our eyes open, we'll see lots of little ways to invest in the growth of those around us.

Likewise, a single woman can be a nurturer.  Paul, after all, was single, and he nurtured the spiritual growth of countless people.  

Enjoy!   

Beautify our World...Respect

Respect is a balm that, when applied to human relationships, brings beauty to our lives.  Dictionary.com  defines this quality as

esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability: I have great respect for her judgment.

deference to a right, privilege, privileged position, or someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges; proper acceptance or courtesy; acknowledgment: respect for a suspect's right to counsel; to show respect for the flag; respect for the elderly.

 In Romans, God says:

Romans 13:7
Render to all what is due them: tax to whom tax is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honor to whom honor.
Romans 12:10
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor;

I Peter 2:17 tells us:

Honor all men; love the brotherhood, fear God, honor the king.

Speaking of the church, Hebrews 13:17 says

 Obey your leaders, and submit to them; for they keep watch over your souls, as those who will give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with grief, for this would be unprofitable for you.

Have you ever felt disrespected?  Have you been given a task to carry out or people to lead and, yet,  your role wasn't given the respect you needed to carry it out?   That's tough; isn't it?  Have you ever felt disrespected simply as a person, as if you didn't matter?  Oh, how that cuts our hearts.  We all function at our best when we are given respect.

Knowing this, it's important to respect people on at least two levels:  1)  We respect the basic person-hood of others, even of others over whom we might have some authority and 2) We respect the authority of those who are performing some sort of leadership role in our lives.   

Respecting people rightly comes from respecting the Lord.  (I Peter 3   We respect that others are made in his image, even if they, themselves, don't respect that fact.  We respect that he has ordained certain roles, such as government authorities or leaders in the church, to make our world function smoothly.  We respect the fact that while we must make judgements in many situations, we are not anyone's final judge -- God is.   He is the authority to whom we all must give account; in that regard, we are all on equal ground and we respect this fact.

We are able to overcome our fear of respecting those who have authority in our lives because we know that the Lord is ultimately caring for us.  (I Peter Chapter 3).   Fear of being hurt is a biggie for me, and there's where I lean on God.       

It's easy to respect people who are respectable.  It's easy to respect them when they, in turn, respect us.  Sometimes, however, a person to whom we owe respect isn't respectable in his or her own right.  Perhaps, they have poor judgement, or they are unfair.  Perhaps, they are making a mess of the job that they are called to do.  Here's the thing that's hard for us as moderns to grasp: We must show respect even to those with whom we disagree.      

For example,we may or may not like the President, but do we show respect when voicing our opinion?  We should.   The same is true when interacting with a parent, a teacher, a husband, the PTA president, our neighborhood watch, the policeman who's writing us a speeding ticket, etc.  In the U.S. and most European countries, we are fortunate to have a high level of free speech.  If we are to exercise that right responsibly, we must do so with respect.  

In the household, it's especially pleasant when all treat each other with respect.  It's also sobering when we realize how quickly children pick up on our respect or lack of respect for others.  Our impatience turns into their rolled eyes and crossed arms.   It's up to us to teach our children to respect others, and that begins with cultivating the quality of respect in our own hearts. 

Of course, in respecting others, there are times to speak up.   When Peter and others were rebuked for teaching the happy news about Christ and his kingdom, Peter replied, "We must obey God rather than men."

Likewise, we are not to show favoritism:

James tells us that we are to show basic respect to all and not to favor the rich.  

But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors.  James 2:9

We are to treat the poorest and those of least influence among us with honor, just as we treat others.

How can we show respect for each other in the household?  Here are a dozen ways:

1)  Keep the common areas of the house neat; pick up after ourselves; don't borrow without asking; treat other people's private spaces with respect.
2)  Learn how to express feelings, even negative feelings, with respect.  The same thing can be said either with a heart of respect or with a heart of disrespect.  Choose respect.  Also remember that being tired, hungry, or sick is not an excuse to be irritable or disrespectful.     
3)  Listen when others express themselves.  Hear someone out even if we do not come to the same conclusion.  Make sure that children and the elderly know that someone cares enough about them to listen.  Listen to your spouse.  
4)  Use the old magic words:  Please, thank-you, Sir, Ma'am, etc.  Teach children how to show respect to adults and the elderly.  Teach them how to interact with peers.  Teach and use good manners.  Especially, teach children good manners regarding cell phones, texting, and social media.  Courtesy and manners are respect in action.
5) Pray for friends, family, neighbors, countries, political leaders, enemies, etc.  
6)  Care for the family pet with kindness.  Proverbs 12:10
7)  Make everyone who comes into the home feel welcomed.
8)  Respect neighbors' property.
9)  Teach children healthy limits and expect them to obey.  Don't exasperate children by laying overly heavy burdens on them.  On the other hand, don't let them indulge in disobedience or disrespect.   
10)  Help children navigate difficult interactions with peers, teachers, etc.  Help them not to lose confidence in God's love for them even if they face difficult times in school or on the playground.
11)  Be grateful!  Showing gratitude to others helps them feel respected.

And, most of all, honor God as individuals and as a family.

Respect will adorn your home and make your world a little more beautiful!



Enjoy! 

Do you dare greatly? The Merry Rose Reads

 Daring Greatly, How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brene Brown

  
Daring Greatly gives a secular picture, painted with much research, of a truth I'm learning from following Jesus: vulnerability and openness, combined with inner truth, is a strength and not a weakness. The author, Brene Brown, realizes that if we are going to accomplish anything, we must put ourselves out there with the chance that we might succeed or we might fail. To have successful relationships, we must go deeper, and, again, there is the chance that we will be accepted or rejected.

Brown takes as her theme one of my favorite quotes: It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly, who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly. Theodore Roosevelt.

Reading this was a good reminder for me. As I grow older and have suffered hurts through daring or being vulnerable, it is tempting to seek self-protection and a comfortable life. This is doubly so because I feel myself growing just a little more physically vulnerable with every passing year. Like many that Brown describes, I react to fear with attempts to control the uncontrollable. Yet, the most important things in life do require that we "get in the arena" so to speak, rather than to stand on the sidelines. If I don't want to fizzle out on the last quarter of life's race, I need to step it up again. For me, that will mean stepping back from selfishness and growing in how I love others. Love casts out fear.

The author describes shame as the basic reason why we try to protect self at the cost of daring to live fully. She cites that we live in a
"never enough" society. We tend to focus on what we or others don't live up to or don't have, rather than validating the good. We all have a sense of shame about ourselves that we don't want others to see. To me, the question is, did we all arrive at this solely through culture? I don't think so, though the things that Brown notes in our culture can help us recognize the problem. Early in the Biblical account of man's history, we find Adam and Eve hiding from God because of true guilt, shame, inadequacy, and broken relationship. For the first time, they are ashamed of their nakedness or vulnerability. Adam tries the first blame-shift in history, "That woman you gave me...", thus trying to pin his shame on Eve and maybe even on God! God seeks them out and restores the relationship, establishes the consequences of their actions, and offers hope to come. My personal opinion is that we all have this sense of shame because we are broken in a sense. We all have some glimmer of what we were meant to be in God, and we have all fallen short of that. Therefore, the strength to become vulnerable comes from admitting our shame and receiving the grace, forgiveness, and wholeness that God offers through Christ. My thought is that if we attempt to fix this shame problem with anything less than God's grace, we will just patch it rather than conquer it. I think that's some of what Paul meant when he felt inadequate because of an illness and Christ said that his grace was sufficient for him.

One thing that fascinated me was the discussion about shame as experienced by men and by women. Speaking as a 57-year old, long-married woman, I was surprised that so many women found it surprising that men also feel shame and are vulnerable. They are especially vulnerable in the area of initiating sex. Is this and the fact that men and women cover for shame differently really news? I think of Paul's words: Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes. Along the way in marriage, every husband and wife is confronted with how important it is to always protect the other, to always trust and hope for the best for the other one. In this way, we learn to be more connected in heart. To me, that adds to the sweetness and richness of a marriage. It takes time, perhaps a lifetime, to get there.

Brene also turns her research and observations toward helping people parent children and to lead adults in a healthy way. Many of her suggestions are practical and helpful. Overall, I am glad I read this book. As with any self-help book, I think it's a prompt to deeper thought and not the last word on the subject. It is, however, a word worth considering.

I received a review copy of this book through the BlogHer Book Club for a paid review, but my opinions are my own.

Enjoy!