Color and You: Part I

God could have made us without the ability to perceive color (some animals can't). He also could have made the world gray or monochromatic. Instead, He surrounded us with beautiful colors, and he gave us the faculty to appreciate them. Color is a gift from the Lord, and it reflects his beauty, his creativity, and his power.
An understanding of color adds to our enjoyment of our homes, sewing, crafting, quilting, and clothing. It's helpful in cooking, menu planning, creating a centerpiece, and in setting a table. It aids landscaping and gardening. It also helps you mark the seasons with appropriate decorations, so that you family adjusts to the year's rhythm. Knowing which colors to use in a bedroom can help you get a good night's sleep. Understanding color can help you make or buy the ideal gift for someone, and it will help you present this gift in a delightful package.
Since color adds so much to our lives, I thought I'd start a series on the topic. I do this with some trembling. I am no expert in this area! But, I'll share some research I've been doing, and we can all learn together. I hope that those of you who have a wonderful sense of color will comment on the articles, so that we can glean from your wisdom.
I'll begin with a few introductory comments:

1) Most women enjoy learning about color, as color is such an integral part of our surroundings. There are basic principles of science and art that anyone can grasp, and anyone can improve their sense of color by studying them. However, color laws aside, our color choices are also influenced by subjective preferences. Do not feel insecure if your color taste is different than your mother's, your best friend's, or Martha Stewart's.

2) A study of color should add fun to your life. rather than frustrate you. Just as some women have an ear for music, some have a natural eye for color. These women choose wonderful color selections effortlessly. Others of us are not so gifted. We have a hard time making color decisions. We are paralyzed by all of the paint chips in Home Depot and all of the fabrics at Jo-Ann's. We have to study to improve our color skills.

If you are in this latter category along with me, relax. Good color sense is a nice thing to have, but it's hardly a matter of eternal importance. Besides, it says nothing about your ability as a keeper of your home. Which is more vital? To love God and people or to know whether you should paint the entryway eggshell white or sunshine yellow? To devote an hour to reading Bible stories to a child, or to invest so much time selecting fabrics for a quilt that you didn't have time for your little one? If the green dress you make today ends up making your skin look sallow, so what? Isn't God far more concerned with your inner beauty. Enjoy color, but keep it in perspective.

I, myself, have a limited budget for clothing and for home decorating. I also have limited time for shopping. If I do choose a color that I end up disliking later, I have to live with it for a while before I can change it. The more expensive the item, such as a sofa, the longer I need to keep it before I can change it. Developing my understanding of color helps me make long-lasting fashion and home decorating choices with more confidence. However, I can still get fritzy about these selections if I let myself. That's when it's time for me to pray, to make the best decision I can, and to remember that people are more important than things. If I do make a mistake and have to live with it, it's hardly a tragedy.

(Of course, as a married woman, I also would consult my husband before choosing someting as permanent as a paint color or furniture fabric.)

3) Even if you are not naturally gifted with color sense, you can improve simply by thoughtful observation. God's creation is the best place to learn about color. Watch the seasons. Study sunsets. Examine flowers and other plants. Notice the coats and eyes of animals. Observe a rainbow in the sky or light that is fanned out through a prism. See how natural objects look in morning light, noon light, afternoon, and twilight. Don't forget to thank God for His beautiful creations as you observe them. Some manmade items to examine are paintings, home and garden magazines, quilts, fabrics, clothing catalogs, store displays, etc.

4) Learn color terminology. In our everyday language, we often interchange the words color, hue, tint, shade, and tone. But, to artists and to the people who manufacture fabrics, clothing, and home furnishings, each of these words has a precise definition. In order to communicate with the clerk at Sherwin Williams or to understand a book on quilting or to choose a coat wisely, you need to understand what professionals mean by the following terms:

HUE OR COLOR: Mary Crowley, of Home Interiors, says that you can safely interchange the words color and hue. In my non-expert opinion, this is true for all of us "regular folk" -- all of us who don't work as artists, fashion designers, or home decorators.

However, you may run across craft books or color experts who do use hue in a more specific way. One common way to look at "hue" is that it is the "family" name for a category on the color wheel. For example, all blues are different members of the blue hue family. You have baby blue, cornflower blue, indigo blue, etc. All of these "children of the blue hue" share the same last name, but they have individual first names.

Others use a slightly different twist on this same theme. They look at color as being the "family name", and they see hue as the "first name". They define hue as being a modification within a color. Particularly, people use this to mean when one color has been changed by adding another. For example, add a dash of green to blue, and you will end up with a hue of blue. Add blue to green, and you will end up with a hue of green. Add orange to red, and you end up with a hue of red.

In this sense, both definitions end up in the same place. Hue covers a color, such as red, as it moves across its defined place on the color wheel or in the color spectrum. For example, if you add some orange to red, it leans towards orange, but it is still within the boundaries of the color red. If you add some blue, red leans towards violet or blue, but it also is still considered to be a red. Later on, we'll discuss why some people are crazy about true red, while others love a browner or orangey red, and why still others have a yen for bluer-reds.

A vintage book on millinary has this to say about the term hue: "In writings on the science of color hue signifies the property which distinguishes one color from another. In common speech it is employed to mean a particular shade or degree of color. The word is correctly used when applied to the modification of one color by the addition of another color. Thus, red-violet and blue-violet are hues of violet made by the excess of red or of blue. In the diagram the hues are found between the primary and secondary colors. Still further divisions are possible."

Don't let this technical definition throw you. It's enough to know that hue and color cover the same territory.

Whenever I use "hue" in this particular article, I will refer to a color that has been changed by adding another color -- though not by adding black or white. As we move on, we will see that there are special terms for the results of mixing black and/or white with a color or a hue.

SHADE: A shade occurs when you add black to a color or hue. We are very lax about this term in normal conversation. That's ok. Most people know what we mean when we say, "That's a lovely shade of pink you're wearing." But, if you go to the paint store to buy a "a shade of pink", technically, you won't find it. Pink is what happens when you add white -- not black --- to red. A true shade is something like midnight blue (blue plus black) or forest green (green plus black).

TINT: A tint results from adding white to a color. Now, this is where our pink example belongs, as do other pastels. Some tints have less white in them and are still pretty colorful. Some tints are very light -- to the point that of being considered an "off-white". Yellow with lots and lots of white added to it can ranges into "cream", for example.

TONE: A tone is what happens when you mix equal amounts of black and white to a color. Since black and white make gray, the effect is to soften or to "tone down" the vibrancy of the color. Think of what happens when you add gray to true blue. A grayed-blue is "quieter" than a true blue, isn't it?

When you pick up a strip of paint swatches or chips at Lowe's or Home Depot, you will see a color or hue, along with some of its tints, shades, and tones. The center swatch will be the "truest" color. The ones above it will be tints with ever increasing amounts of white added. The ones below it will be shades, with ever increasing amounts of black. You will probably choose only one of the selections on the strip. However, since they all are based on the same color or hue, they will work in harmony with each other.

Let's suppose you don't see what you're looking for on the swatch strips. You decide that you want the sales person to help you create your own favoite paint from the true red family. If you ask the clerk to mix a tint, he will add white until you are satisfied. This will move you one or more steps closer to pink, starting with a slightly lighter red through rose to pink to palest pink. If you ask for a shade, he will add black, moving you one or more steps closer to crimson or maroon. If you ask for him for a tone, he will add equal amounts of black and white. You will end up with a quieter, softer, grayer red.

All of this is oversimplified. But, if you understand this much, you can find your way around a paint department with confidence!

While we're at it, let's throw in three more terms:

VALUE: This refers to a color's lightness or darkness. White has the highest or lightest value, black has the lowest or darkest. Obviously, colors that are darker create a different mood in a room than colors that are lighter. This is not a matter of good or bad, but of what effect you want to achieve. Also, some poeple look wonderful wearing dark colored clothing, while other people cannot carry off dark shades. When I wear black or deep chocolate, people check to make sure I have a pulse. LOL. The opposite is also true. Some people look sickly in the lightest tints. Again, though pastel tints are perfect for me, I do not wear pure white very well. My best colors are somewhere in between black and white in value.

INTENSITY, CHROMA, or SATURATION: These words all indicate a color's purity and strength. A highly saturated color is one that is fairly true and strong. In other words it hasn't been toned or shaded or tinted or muted in any other way. Again, a color's intensity will determine the mood of a room. Also, some people can and should wear highly saturated colors, while others look better in muted variations.

SCALE: The scale of any color consists of the range from the lightest tint to the darkest shade. All colors and hues have scales. For example, there is pure purple-blue, tints of purple-blue, tones of purple-blue, and shades of purple-blue. The same is true for gray-blue and green-blue and reddish-blue, and so-forth. Thus, when you go into a paint store, you see a big section of various hues of blue, with a strip for each hue to show the lightest tint of that hue and the darkest shade. You will also see hues of red, with tints, shades, and tones. You will a section of yellows, a section of greens, a section of purples, and so forth.

Whoa! Deciding to paint your room blue isn't as simple as it seems, is it? You will need to determine if you want a true blue, a gray-blue, a purplish-blue, etc., and then, you will need to move up and down the scale to determine if you want the pure color or hue, one of the tints, one of the shades, or one of the tones.

(This is even more complicated when you consider that color professionals use letters to denote hues and numbers to measure tones, shades, and chroma. Thus, you could see a designation of BBG/1, which would mean a very, very light tint of blue blue-green. Fortunately, most of us will never need to get that scientific! We will likely know that tint by a fashion name -- probably something fun and exotic, such as Tropical Cloud.)

By the same token, you may think that you know the exact blue of your favorite skirt. You happen to see a simialry colored blouse on sale, and you snap it up. But, when you get home with your new bargain, you find that it doesn't work with the skirt after all. It's hard for our minds to remember and match exact variations of color. Therefore, when you want to coordinate one item with another, it's wise to bring along either a swatch or the item itself.

If you wish, snip tiny bits of material from the seams of your garments and paste them on an index card. Carry the card with you so that you will be able to select accessories or clothing to go with what you already have in your closet. You can also make a home decor card with bits of leftover fabric from your home decorating projects.

If all of this sounds color theory sounds complicated, never fear. The more you deal with fabrics and paints and other color elements, the more intuitively you will grasp all of this. As your personal style evolves over the years, the more quickly you will decide exactly what variation of a color that want for a particular item. Besides, good salespeople in fabric, clothing, and home improvement stores are always willing to help you.

If you are totally unsure of your color choices, use items created by professionals as your color guide. Build your wardrobe arond the colors in an appealing print scarf. Or, buy or make a home item from a floral or plaid, and choose solids from the floral or plaid to go along with them. Also, home decorating fabrics have little colored circles in the nap, which serve two purposes: They indicate the repeat of the fabric pattern, and they denote every color (hue, tint, et al) that the designer used in the fabric. Save these strips and use them as ideas for color shemes.

5) If you get lots of compliments when wearing a certain color or variation of a color, take note. The comments should be about how pretty and how well you look, rather than about how gorgeous the color is in itself. For example, let's say you wear a true red blouse to the grocery store. You run into your friend, who says, "Oh, I just love that color." What does she mean by that? It could be that your blouse has caught her eye because true red is one of her own favorite colors. Or, she may be unknowingly drawn to it because it suits her complexion. But, if she says something like, "You look so lovely today!" or "That color really brings out the green in your eyes," you can be confident that the color is flattering to you.

Remember, since color is somewhat subjective, what another person thinks is not an infallible guide to your best group of colors. One person in a thousand may think you look wonderful in bottle green, and another person in a thousand may think you look sallow in bottle green. So, don't base your observation about a color on one comment alone -- no matter whether that comment is positive or negative. Look for the one or two colors that nearly always bring you positive comments. And, think about the one or two colors that hardly ever garner compliments. These will give you some important clues about which group of colors (or hues, tints, shades and tones) is most flattering to you.

6) The way we see color or a variation of a color can be affected by many factors, such as lighting or the proxmimity of another color. For example, the red sweater that you loved in the store may not look the same when you look at it in sunlight. Or, if you use equal amounts of red and green in a project, they may dull each other out, and you won't end up with the festive look you were shooting for. Paint is notorious for drying to a different look on the wall than it appeared in the can or on the color swatch. Often, these nuances are slight, and no one but a real color expert would notice or care. But, sometimes, the interplay of light and of other colors with a color choice does make a difference -- for good or for ill.

My dining room is painted in a "brick-rose" tint inspired by Laura Ashley. The windows are covered with lace curtains that let in sunlight. It's an eastern exposure, which gets strong sunlight in the morning and softer, more diffused light in the afternoon. At certain times of the day, the "brick-rose" looks warmer, as if it has a fair amount peach in it. At other times, the brick-rose looks rosier and pinker, and you don't notice the peach. I don't mind this at all, for, no matter what time of day or evening, the brick-rose always appears soft and romantic -- which is what I was going for. And, no matter how the light affects it, the tint never clashes with the other items in the room. My paint story has a happy ending. I personally think that if you really love a color, you will be fine with it in all type of lighting. But, design experts do reccommend that you put a swatch card on the wall and live with it for awhile before making a decision. You can even buy a small can of the paint and brush on a huge test square before investing in enough to cover the entire room. If you do follow this advice, you will not only get to see how the paint appears in different lighting, you will discover if the paint grows on you or wears on you. If you like it more and more every day, that's a sign that you probably enjoy it for some time to come.

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

Sewing Tidbits from book by Mary Brooks Picken

I have my mother's old 1953 Singer Sewing Book. It was written by Mary Brooks Picken, who was a fashion/sewing expert in the early part of the twentieth century. I think she had already been writing for several decades before she wrote this book for Singer, and I would guess that it must have been towards the end of her career. I love the book not only because it is a useful reference, but because it gives me an eye window into an era before I was born. (And, of course, it's precious to me because it belonged to my late mother.)

I thought I'd share a few tidbits from Mrs. Picken. Even if you don't sew, you may find them to be helpful.

"When you sew, make yourself as attractive as possible. Go through a beauty ritual of orderliness. Have on a clean dress. Be sure your hands are clean, finger nails smooth - a nail file and pumice will help. Always avoid hangnails. Keep a little bag full of French chalk near your sewing machine where you can pick it up and dust your fingers at intervals. This not only absorbs the moisture on your fingiers, but helps to keep your work clean. Have you hair in order, powder and lipstick put on with care. Looking attractive is a very important part of sewing, because if you are making something for yourself, you will try it on at intervals in front of the mirror, and you can hope for better results when you look your best.
"Again, sewing must be approached with the idea that you are going to enjoy it, and if you are constantly fearful that a visitor will drop in or your husband come home and you will not look neatly put togther, you will not enjoy your sewing as you should. Therefore, spruce up at the beginning to that you are free to enjoy every part of sewing you do."

This is sound advice when it comes to other aspects of homemaking as well. It seems that my mother's and mother-in-law's generation was good at this, and they try to maintain this neat appearance even as they are in old age. I have not tried the chalk to dry the fingers and keep my work clean. Has anyone else? I'm thinking this might be a good idea when cross-stitching, too.

Mary Pickens urges her readers to have a home management room. "This is a room in which she (the homemaker) can retire and carry on the business of running a household with at least some of the efficienty aids which a man has in his office to facilitate running his business."

Even though it may not be practical for everyone to have a home management room, I love this quote. It shows how this 1950's author took a professional attitude towards being a keeper at home. It was a career, with need of an office for the manager, just as a company is a career, with need of an office for the manager.

This room, Mrs. Pickens says can also serve as a guest room, as a room in which the woman can entertain friends during an afternoon visit, and, of course, as sewing room. She suggests having a built-in desk, a portable typwriter (Today, we'd have a computer), good lighting, book shelves for cookbooks and other reference books and the latest best seller, a telephone, a sewing machine, and a radio. She also envisions that a guest might bring her handwork -- such as knitting -- with her for an afternoon visit, and the home manager and her guest could sit in this femininely decorated room and chat or listen to a radio program while working together. She suggests using a spare guest room or a small den to find space for such a room. She states that "today's" homes, by which she meant homes of the fifites, seldom had a room which the woman could call her own. My guess is that when Mrs. Pickens started her career, middle-class and upper-class homes had either a "morning room" or else a little office where a woman could take care of things like menu planning and correspondence. This problem of the 50's -- finding a space for a woman to have a home management area --is probably even harder to solve with the open floor plans of the 2,000's. More houses are built with home offices in them, and that can be a great home management room. But it's my observation that these home offices are generally either claimed by the man of the house or they are usedby the family as a whole. It's nice -- but not essential -- to carve out a little feminine space that's all your own. You can do your planning there. I have also seen homes with desks and bookshelves built into the kitchen. If you live in an apartment or trailor and just don't have any room for an office, simply organize your homemaking notebook, home reference book, staionary, etc., in a pretty basket.

Here's a quote from Mrs. Picken: "Every woman has, at given times in her life, certain colors that are best for her. Becoming colors may prove less so as the pigmentation of skin, eyes, hair -- even teeth -changes. Softer, more subded colors become more pleasing in time than the more vivid colors once so highly flattering.
"Rarely does a woman make serious mistakes in choosing her most becoming colors, but just to make sure you don't, familiarize yourself with these basic rules, the kind an artist would use in choosing colors.
"Don't choose a color for itself alone or becaue it is fashion's favorite for the season. Think over the following points before you make your decision:
` 1. Is the color suitable for your individual characteristics? Your natural skin tone? Your eyes? Your hair color? Your figure proportions? Your personality? Your age? Position in business, community and society?
2. Is it suitable for your purposes? The occasions for which you will wear it? The season? Your mode of transportation? The type of community in which you life?
3. Is it practical?" (She points out that you do not need to be as pratical in color with a special occasion dress, as you would with an everyday dress).

I would add a fourth rule: Do you love the color? Do you feel comfortable in it? Does it make you feel happy? If you are married, does your husband love it? Since color has a profound effect on our moods, I would be sure to include some colors in my closet that made me feel happy. I would do this even if they don't quite fit Mrs. Pickens' rules. Maybe -- No, probably LOL -- UT orange isn't your best color. But, if it makes you feel like cheering, why not have at least one orange item in your wardrobe?

Still, Mrs. Picken's rules are a good guide, and if you follow them you are likely to end up with a coordinated wardrobe. Generally, the colors that look good on a particular woman tend to look good with each other. Sticking to these colors can keep you from ending up with a closet full of things that don't work together.

Mrs. Picken says, "You want to pick tints and shades that accentuate your own coloring rather than outshine or diminish it. For instance, there are blues so strong as to steal the blue from your eyes, while other blue will emphasize the eye color. An olive complexion may lose all its blush tones and appear only sallow when it is matched with a dress of drab or mustard brown color. The most glorious auburn hair may be made garish by juxtaposition with a red or pink that is incompatible."

"Make sure of fashion rightness. Be fashion-concious. Study the fashion silhouette in magazines, in ready-to-wear advertising and in store windows. Watch the changes come -- the shape of a shoulder -- the fullness and lenght of a skirt -- the cut of the neckline -- the fit at the waistline -- all of which are important in achiving the right fashion effect. This awareness helps you know what to look for when you shop for patterns."

I think this also helps you know what to look for when you shop for ready-made clothing. It is harder to find modest clothing than it was when Mrs. Picken wrote this book in 1953. Right now, there are many styles that a modest-concious woman wouldn't care to follow. But, that doesn't mean that we have to ignore fashion trends altogether. We can still study the elements that Mary Brooks Picken mentioned. We can incorporate a few up-to-date elements into a modest style of dressing. We can also update our look in a way that is age-appropriate. If we do update our look, while still retaining our modesty, we will remain fresh and pretty into old age. And, we will be an inspiration to other women, showing them that you can dress beautifully without spending a fortune or compromising your modesty. Accessories such as handbags, shoes, and scarves, are a big help here. They provide easy ways to freshen up a wardrobe, and they seldom create modesty problems.

In Mrs. Picken's day, people often re-worked a dress or skirt to make it look fresh and up-to-date. That isn't as common today, but it can still work, provided that the garment in question is worth either spending your own time to remake it or to hire someone else to do it. You can also take a classic skirt and pair it with a newer blouse. We don't have to be fashion hounds, chasing every whim of style, but it does pay to be observant about current trends.

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

Addendums to using black and white in decorating and great blog titles

My downstairs rooms have more black in them than I thought. My kitchen has a lot of black in it. And, elsewhere there are touches of black -- a wrought iron plant stand, a picture frame, etc. Now, the trick is to work the black in more artfully.

I found some more delightful blog titls:

1. Of bluebirds and roses
2. Blessings in the South
3. Ravenhill Cottage
4. Beneath the Shady Oak Tree

These all sound like novels you'd curl up to read in a porch swing with a quilt and a glass of iced tea.

Enjoy!
eliazabeth

Using touches of black and/or white in our rooms

I was in a friend's lovely home the other day. She used a variety of pinks in decorating her home -- and pink is right up my alley. She had lovely watercolor prints, lots of white, gleaming wooden floors, and a few floral pattern rugs. Her home reminded me of a garden, which is no surprise since she adores gardening. (How she finds the time with all that she does to serve people, I don't know!). She has a lot of lovely milk ware, which she uses in her hospitalty. She has worked hard to make a beautiful, welcoming home, and she has re-arranged things she has collected over many years of marriage in an artful way.
Anyhow, what struck me about this pretty garden-inspired home was that the effect was all the more delightful because my friend used touches of black in her decorating. Some of her lamps had black shades. One of her floral patterned rugs had a black background. She even had an old couch recovered in black and had someone add a bright rose-colored cording to it. Several hints of black really set off the other elements in her rooms. The black grounded everything, but the overall effect of her rooms was light and airy and pastel.
Everyone has their own idea of what makes a space feel homey. I personally am not a stark-black-and-white kind of girl, though I have friends who decorate their homes this way, and they love it. (I've noticed that many people who gravitate to this scheme have what we call "winter" coloring -- dark hair and paler skin, with a lot of contrast in their own look. I guess it makes sense that they are at home in cool-toned, high-contrast setttings).
I gravitate more towards things that are soft, pastel, curved, and French in feeling. (And, I love to use pink roses in my decorating scheme -- huge surprise, right!) It doesn't occur to me to use black in my decorating.
When I go to pick out a lampshade, for example, I automatically reach for white or for a soft color that matches the lamp. I don't know why I don't consider black. I've seen lots of wonderful rooms with lamps that have black shades in them. (Of course, some lamps would look better with black shades than others).
My friend's example has me re-thinking this issue. This morning, I dug out my copy of "Decorate Your Home with Love," by Mary Crowley. I remembered that she had written a section about using black and white in the home. Here's what she says about black:
""Black is the exclamation point, that little something that brings the rest into focus. Just look at the human face -- varying tones of skin and hair all "brought together' by that little jet-black pupil in the center of the eye. Sometimes, in a wash of white, that touch of black will be just what you need -- in a candleholder or pillow or vase or end table."
This makes sense to me. What great painting is without at least a touch of black, against which the colors and shapes come into greater focus?
Mary also points out that if you like to use a lot of black in your rooms, a little bit of white can add the zing and the focal point. I think this is true not only of black, but it also works if your rooms are done in any strong, rich, dark, or vibrant color. White windowsills and baseboards, white sheers under curtains, and a white vase or candlestick do wonders in these kinds of color schemes. White lifts the room and keeps the effect from being either too somber or too overwhelming. (Note: IMHO, cooler colors work best with cool-toned off-whites or with pure white; earthy or muddy colors do best with a warm-toned offwhites)
Mary believes that if your rooms are a mish-mash of furniture, fabrics, textures, etc. that jar your nerves, white can be your soothing answer. She uses the example of visiting a woman whose living room was a hodgepodge of colors, and nothing seemed to come together. So, she found for her a wicker coffee table that she srpayed white, and she placed on it an all-white flower arrangement. Then, she sprayed some wall sconces white and hung them above the sofa. She says that it was amazing how the white gathered everything together and created a peaceful, orderly serenity in that room of many colors.
She also describes a woman whose husband operated a dark and gloomy-looking restaurant. The woman and her husband had no budget for re-decorating. She asked Mary if there was anything she could do. Mary noticed that the room continaed four huge redwood tubs taht had once housed live plants. So, she painted these tubs with several coats of sparkling white paint and put in some new greenery. She said that the white immediately transformed the restaurant. It lightened everything and added a cheerful atmosphere.
Just three weeks after my daughter married this year, she was bridesmaid in a beautiful wedding in an old mansion in Nashville. This ante-bellum mansion offers wonderful, surprisingly budget-friendly wedding packages. The wedding itself was held outside in a wonderful old garden, and the reception was inside of the home.
The house is pre-Civil-War era with many of the original wall-paper, wall murals, crown molding and baseboards and chair rails, wooden floors, marble fireplaces, etc. It looked to me as if it might have once been run down before the people who currently operate it as a wedding venue bought it and re-furbished it. So, it has a little bit of a shabby chic feel, which I love anyway. I was particularly struck by one room, which was decorated very simply. Yet, it was beautified by gleaming silver and totally white floral arrangements. Now, my instinct again, would be to add color to the floral arrangements. But, the white was stunning.
If you're like me, you may not have a lot of money to spend on your decorating budget. Perhaps, you are like me in that your furniture is a collection of things you bought years ago, as well as old pieces from your parents' homes. (Our couches are falling apart after twenty-something years of raising children, so I've had to throw slipcovers over them).
For those of us on a tight, tight budget, it's good to know that we can solve many a decorating dilemma with some inexpensive white paint. And, it's also good to know that we can add focus to a room with just a bit of black.
Though I don't like all-white rooms, I do intuivitely think of using some white as a unifier andas a room-brightener. As I said earlier, it's harder for me to visualize how black might work in my home. But, now that I've been inspired by my friend's example, I'm going to re-visit this issue. Right now, we can't divert much our funds to decorating. But, I'm sure that I can find some creative and inexpensive ways to spruce things up with a bit of white and a bit of black. If you have any suggestions, let me know!

Enjoy!
Elizabeth, who loves what silver also adds to a decorating scheme, but who is not very good about polishing the few silver pieces she owns.

A few of my favorite blog titles

As a writer, I love great titles. As a romantic soul, I love cheerful titles. So, I thought I'd list seven delicious blog titles. Just reading these titles makes me happy:

1. Echo from the Green Hills.
2. The Bluebird of Happiness Comes to Tea (I could also give Wendy Birde kudos for "The Soup Simmers, the Body Mends", but let's just stick to one blog title per person).
` 3. The Sparrow's Nest
4. Mrs. Blythe (Ok, this is not the title of her blog; it's her pen name. Still, I saw a link to "Mrs. Blythe", and I couldn't resist following it.
5. Quilting Above the Artic Circle
6. Little French Homestead
7. Like Merchant Ships

Concerning the Importance of Good Titles: Did you know that Margaret Mitchel considered these titles for her novel -- "Tomorrow is Another Day," "Not in Our Stars," "Bugles Sang True" and "Tote the Weary Load"? Hmm...I just can't imagine it as anything other than "Gone with the Wind."

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

As I have loved you...

In an earlier post, I referenced John 13:34, where Jesus says, "A new command I give you : Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."
Why does Jesus consider this to be a new command? After all, He said that the two greatest commandments of the old covenant were to 1) love God with all of our being and 2) to love our neighbors as ourselves. (See Matthew 22:37-39). It was God's design from the beginning for us to enjoy his unfathomable love for us, to adore Him above all idols of the heart, and to treat each other with with sacrifical kindness.
Jesus command is new, because it is based on a new standard. "As I have loved you, so you must also love one another." All along, in OT times, God not only taught us about love, but he expressed it in demonstrable ways. Jesus is the apex of God's expression of love. He is the perfect demonstration. He is the fulfillment of everything that God taught about love in the old testament.
How then did our perfect example -- Jesus -- love us? He left perfect heaven to dwell on sin-marred earth. He submitted to being born in the humblest of circumstances. He made himself vulnerable to human parents, to the point that a human mother nursed him and changed his diapers.
Though sin pained Christ's sinless soul, he was the sinner's best friend. He walked with people. He ate with people. He healed the sick. He touched lepers, from whom everyone else shrank in fear of contracting their disease. Though he was the King of kings, he wore himself out serving his own subjects. He, like us, faced temptation, though, unlike us, he never, ever gave into it. He died a criminal's death. He was executed in our place to take the penalty for our sins. He tasted the thing we fear the most, and he overcame it when he raised to a new life.
Jesus did all of this, even though not one person in history can claim to be righteous enough to deserve such love. Jesus is the same today as he was then. (See Hebrews 13:8). Therefore, we can be assured that he loves us with the same love that shines from the pages of the gospels. We also know that he calls us to follow his example today.
Jesus takes us way beyond the realm of attending church, of being nice and kind, and of obeying moral laws. All of these things are essential, and Jesus does expect us to put them into practice. But, more so, Jesus calls us to have the same kind of active, seeking, self-sacrificing love that he did. We are to take up our own cross daily. (Luke 9:23) In other words, we are to get up each morning and put aside our sins and our selfishness in order to serve and to love others. We do this in our families, in the church, and with the lost.
Here's the kicker: If we love as Jesus did, we will get hurt. Jesus' type of love led him to the cross. Moreover, Jesus was betrayed by one of his closet circle, Judas. Judas tipped off the authorities by giving Jesus a kiss -- something that should have been a sign of friendship!
Judas knowingly betrayed Christ. If we follow Christ, there will be occasions when people hurt us intentionally. The Bible says that all who live a godly life will be persecuted. In such cases, Jesus instructs us to pray for our enemies, just as he prayed for thsoe who betrayed him.
More often, when someone offends us, it is simply because they are clumsy or thoughtless. Since none of us have arrived at being just like Jesus, we need a reality check here, too. How many times have we unknowingly hurt other people through our own insensitivity?
Usually, the people who hurt us the most are the ones who are closest to us. We are the most vulnerable with loved ones. If someone makes an angry gesture at you in traffic, the sting fades before you finish whispering a prayer for them. But, let a family member or someone from church treat us rudely and the wound cuts deeper. It's even worse if the loved one has no clue why their action crushed your feelings
Now, in my sinful nature, I am prone to think: "I want to make that person understand just how much they hurt me." If they don't "get it", I can find myself mentally harranguing them, going over in my mind exactly what they did and why it was so wrong. I can iron a shirt, all the while self-righteously lecturing someone in my mind.
Of course, there is a place for letting someone know that they have hurt our feelings. God does tell us to be open with one another, so that we can resolve conflicts before the enemy can get a foothold. Many a friendship has ended; many a family has splintered; and many a church has split precisely because people have refused to talk things through. God gives specific directions in his word about healing such conflicts before they lead to deep-seated bitterness.
But, I'm not talking about genuine efforts to seek godly resolution, here. I'm talking about the temptation to demand emotional payment for a wrong suffered. I somehow think that if I can get the person to understand the depth of their sin, it will be easier to forgive them.
This is not the way Jesus walked, however. He calls me to a higher love.
On the cross, Jesus prayed, "Father, forgive them, for they don't know what they're doing."
It is precisely because his murderers did not understand that Christ appealed for their forgiveness! His prayer was not for them alone. It was for every one of us. We have all nailed Jesus to the cross, for we have all have contributed to the sin that killed him.
Jesus died for us long before we were born. He died knowing that each and every one of us would need a Savior. He died knowing that we would hurt him, for God grieves over our transgressions as spiritual adultery. Jesus died for us knowing what we would be like at our most ungodly pont. And, he died for us knowing that even at our very best, we still fall short and need his grace. (See Romans 5:7-9)
Now, God does confront us about our unrighteousness. The Bible describes sin and righteousness in great detail. In order to accept Christ's offer of forgiveness through the cross, we do have to confess our transgressions and to turn fromthem. We can't keep living in opposition to Christ and expect to be in saved fellowship with Him at the same time. The path of sin and the path of righteousness simply do not lead to the same place.
In Ezekiel 18:23, and 18:32, God declares that he has no pleasure in the death of anyone; rather, he is pleased when the wicked repent. God extends the hand of forgiveness through the cross; sadly, many will reject this offer to their own doom. We must never lose sight of God's holy wrath towards sin.
At the same time, we must never lose sight of his kindness, either. I read something that has always stuck with me, "There is a God who would rather die than live without you." And, in Jesus, God proved that to be true.
So, when I have trouble forgiving someone, I go back to Jesus. I look at the way he loved people in general. I mediate on how he has loved me, in particular. I remember that he died to pay my spiritual debt. I realize that I had no hope of re-paying that debt by means of my own righteousness. I remember that I am a spiritual begger, holding up my empty tin can to God, who graciously showers me with so much mercy and blessings that my cup overflows.
When I stay in touch with my own spiritual poverty, I have no more desire to collect an "emotional payment" from someone else. I forgive, because I know I am forgiven of so much.
Jesus is my standard for how I am to love. If I stand at the foot of his cross, glaring angrily at another person, I am missing the whole point!
This is serious business: In Matthew 18:34-25 describes the fate of all who beg for mercy from God but do not want to extend it to others: "In anger, his master turned him over to he jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brothers from your heart."
The flip side is a wonderful promise: "Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give and it will be given to you, good measure, pressed down, shaken toegther, and running over will be put into your bosom, for with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you." Luke 6:37-38.

Elizabeth

Helping Each Other to be Godly

I grew up in a church that held to a lot of sound teaching, but we left out a few vital things. One of these omissions was preaching about and modeling the depth of relationship that God desires for his children to enjoy.
Later on, when I was introduced to a church whose members were actually putting these relationships into practice, I was blown away. I was thrilled to see almost equal percentages of black and white people worshipping together -- and this was over twenty years ago down in the deep South. People served each other to a degree I had never seen before. They were in each other's lives on a daily basis, not just on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights. They helped each other battle sin, and they encouraged each other to be faithful. They expressed a holy affection for one another.
Now, this church, being made of people, was far from perfect. But, I realized that I was among people who were living out something from God's word that I had never truly seen practiced.
Having been raised with a Biblical background, I knew that the fellowship within this church was how God meant it to be. Yet, I needed further study in order to understand God's design for these meaningful, one-another relationships.
One of the first verses that helped me was Titus 2:3-5KJV: "The aged women likewise that they be in behavior as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; that they may teach the youhng women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed."
I had heard of this verse, of course. I had vaguely been following this teaching without even realizing it. When I was a new bride and a new mother, I instinctively watched older wives and mothers to learn how they managed things.
My understanding of this verse was shallow. I was too prideful to ask for help in certain situations -- such as when my new baby had her days and nights mixed up. I had no clue that I should welcome input, even if it might be corrective. My pride came from insecurity. As a young wife and mother, I thought that I should instinctively know how to love my husband and children and how to manage my home. It never dawned on me that God asks the older women to train the younger precisely because we don't know these things instinctively. Even the young wife who enters into marriage with the best domestic education has to learn some things "on the job". She learns these things best with older women in her life to support her.
I knew only to think of this verse in a general sense -- such as an older woman teaching a ladies' Bible class. Of course, that is a perfectly valid application of Titus 2:3-5. The real power in this verse, however, hinges on personal relationship. It occurs when an older woman takes a younger woman under her wing and shares her life with her.
According to Strong's Concordance, the phrase "teach to be sober" comes from one Greek word, sophronizo. This word has the sense of restoring someone to his senses, discipling someone, exhorting and admonishing someone, and holding someone to his duty.
As we discussed in an earlier article, "discipling" is a form of learning that involves a student spending a lot of time with his teacher, getting to know not only his teaching, but his way of life. The teacher knows the students' weaknesses and strengths, and, thus, can steer him where he needs to go. The student knows the teacher, and takes on the teacher's heart. Likewise, holding someone to his duty or restoring someone to his senses requires that you interact with the individual in question.
In Titus 2, Paul is very specific about what the older women are to teach: They are to train the younger women to have godly character, to love their husbands and children, and to manage thier households. The goal of this teaching is that the women will be good examples to the world and that, through these women, God's name will be honored and not blasphemed.
At some points, we are the younger women who are soaking up the wisdom ofmore experienced Christian wives and mothers. Of course, we struggle in the process. We face hardships. We blow it, and, occasionlly, we blow it in a big way. But, if we have faithful, older women in our lives who are there to guide us and to love us and to pick us up, we make visible progress. Though we openly admit that we have weaknesses, those around us sense that we are serious about practicing the things we believe. They watch us grow. They see our faith blossom. They stand amazed at how God brings good out of our trials.
At other points, we are the older women who train the younger women. We share with younger wives and mothers the things that we learned from our "older" sisters. We point them to Bible verses, and we help them apply these verses to their individual situations. We share with them how God has helped us in trials and how he has never let us down. We also share with them the challenges that we face in the moment, and how God is helping us overcome them.
It's a little scary to think that younger women watch our lives closely, because we know our own weaknesses. The truth is, however, that younger wives do look to more experienced wives and mothers to be their examples. Though we still are maturing in Christ ourselves, God uses our lives to encourage our younger sisters.
Even as older women, God charges us to keep learning. After all, inTitus, Paul instructs Timothy to teach the older women so that they can turn around and train the younger women. (One side note: God charges the older women with training the younger women. The younger women are to go to their own husbands or to older women for spiritual help. When this verse is put into practice, a minister does not spend time alone counseling or teaching a young woman. This saves both the minister and the young woman from opportunity for temptation.)
When I first saw these one-on-one friendships modeled, I sought them in my own life. I seek them, still. When our last "chick" recently moved from our city to another city to begin a new job, I called a few sisters in Christ who had already gone through this experience. I was particularly encouraged by a woman whose sons are the same age that I am and whose grandchildren are young adults. No matter where we are in life, there is a woman who is walking ahead of us on the narrow road and who can reach back to help us take our next step. Over the years, I have been blessed to know many wonderful women of God. I have watched their lives. I have listened to how they speak to their husbands and to their children, to other poeple in the church, and to the lost. I have seen how they organize their households. I have been able to go to them for advice in loving my husband in a particular sitution or in seeking help in beng a mother to my children.
Sometimes, they have seen objectively what I have needed to learn, and they have been the ones to initiate input. Sometimes, this input has been painful. I have had close, trusted sisters come to me with the "shocking" information that "my little angels" didn't always behave like little angels and that they needed help in some area to which my hubby and I were blind. Now, I am grateful that these sisters loved me enough to tell me the truth before it was too late.
I believe that one reason my children are Christians is because of all the help that my dh and I have received from older godly couples. I also believe that it helped them to grow up with Christians 0f all ages and stages of life in our home frequently -- sometimes as many as several times in a week. I know they aren't Christians becuase we were flawless parents who always knew exactly what to do!
Of course, my Biblical education in relatiosnhips didn' stop with Titus 2. The pages of the Bible, especially of the New Testament, are filled with instructions for how we are to love one another. There are so many of these references that I can't list them all. But here are a few to get us all thinking.
Hebrews 3:13 NIV "But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness."
John 13:24-25 NIV: "A new command I give you. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this, all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."
Hebrews 10:24NIV: "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds."
I Peter 1:22 NIV: "Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart."
I Peter 4:9 NIV: "Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling."
Galatians 6:1 NIV "Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spirtiual shoudl restore him gently."
I thank God for the godly relationships that he has placed in my life. When I was a young bride, the Internet hadn't been develped -- at least not to the point that it is used now. I would have been thrilled to have access to so many sites devoted to being making a home. However, no Internet site -- especially not this one -- can ever replace the fellowship of a true church.
Our Internet friends are wonderful. But, it is our brothers and sisters in Christ -- the people we worship with and fellowship with throughout the week -- who know us best. Our sisters notice -- even when we don't realize it ourselves -- when we get off track in our relationship to God or in our family life. They pick up on things that are small but important, such as the fact that we roll our eyes when we don't like something our husbands say, and they can gently help us to change. Or, conversely, when we think we aren't making any progress, they point out victories that God has given us. They are the ones who stand beside us when we go out to share the gospel. They pray with us and for us. They point us to God's word. They cry with us when we hurt, and they laugh with us when we rejoice. And, each time they demonstrate Christ's love to us, we understand God just a little better.

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

Quickest and Easiest Fruit "Cobbler"

Frozen fruit -- your preference, but peaches or blackberries are particularly good. (The fruit
should be individually frozen pieces -- not the kind that is already in a
sugar syrup)
Frozen biscuits (not canned or "whomping" biscuits, but those that you can find in
sacks in the frozen food section. Our local Wal-Mart Neighborhood Grocery Store has great frozen biscuits. This recipe
might work with homemade rolled biscuit dough, but I've not tried it)
Sugar -- enough to sweeten the fruit to your taste.

Pour the frozen fruit into a suitable baking container. You can use one sack of fruit for a smaller dish or combine more sacks to fill a 9 by 13 dish. Warm the fruit for a couple of minutes in the microwave or for about five minutes in the oven at 350 degrees. Do not worry about draining the fruit. Also, the fruit does not need to be fully cooked, but it should be pretty warm. Once you've warmed the sweetened fruit, be sure to stir it.

Then, place frozen biscuits on top of the fruit -- as many as you desire, but allowing space between each one for the biscuits to rise and spread out a bit. (Now, you see why you want to give the fruit a headstart on cooking before you place the biscuits on top: 1) The fruit will take longer to cook down than the biscuits will take to bake. 2) If the fruit is still icy cold when you place the biscuits on top, the cold will keep the bottom of the biscuit from browning.)

Pop the fruit with biscuits into the oven. Follow the temperature and baking time for cooking the biscuits according to the package (Usually frozen biscuits take about twenty minutes). Check to see if biscuits are doine to your taste and if the fruit is sufficiently hot. Especially if you are using a lot of fruit, you may need to add some minutes to the cooking time.

Note: If you do try homemade biscuits, I would suggest that you pre-cook the fruit longer before placing the biscuits on top. Homemade biscuits do not take as long to cook as the frozen ones.

When the dessert is finished cooking, spoon into bowls and serve hot from the oven. Or, stir the biscuits down into the fruit before serving. You could add ice cream or whipped cream, but, to me, the dessert is rich enough and sweet enough on its own.

I "invented" this dish when I wanted something sweet in a hurry. It isn't a true "cobbler", but it's quick and tasty.

All the days...

She brings him good and not harm all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:12

If you've been married a while, do you remember the excitment you felt as a bride? Wasn't it fun to set up a household? Didn't you look forward to cooking for your new husband and to set teh table with your new dishes? Even if you held a fulltime, outside job, you still happily created a sweet nest for you and your beloved groom.
I remember my enthusiasm as a young wife, and I've see it in others lately. I've had the privilege of watching some new brides -- one of which is my very own wonderful daughter -- delight in making homes together with their beloved grooms.
My husband and I are a long way from being newlyweds now -- We've been married almost 26 years. In fact, we have just officially passed into the "empty nest" phase of life. It's been a gradual process, so I've gotten used to intermittent periods of time when none of our children lived at home. However, I think -- though only the Lord knows -- that we've reached the point where our children have truly started their own adult lives.
Of course, though I am happy for my children, I do miss having them under my roof. I always thought that missing your children would be the biggest challenge of the empty nest stage. However, I'm not sure that it is. I think there is a greater pitfall.
Here's what I think can be the biggest stumbling block: Once we've raised our children, we can think our work as keepers at home is done.
The truth is, we do have more more time to devote to our ministry as Christians and to business pursuits. This is good, for, if we are wise, we can make can use this extra time productively. If we're not careful, however, we can carry our newfound freedom too far. We can neglect our homes and make our husbands feel unloved as a result.
I've heard women my age proclaim, proudly, "Oh, I don't cook anymore. We eat out every evening." Now, if the husband and wife both enjoy eating out, and they have the money in their budget to do so, there's nothing wrong with this. The trouble is that I've heard women say this in a spirit that indicates that their husbands are not as important as the children were.
I've heard women express this exact same attitude about other household tasks. "Now that the children are gone, I don't _______", they say -- You can fill in the blank with whatever chore comes to mind.
Why does not having children in the house mean that you can skip doing the little things that make it a home? What if you had never been able to have children in the first place? Rearing children is an important part of God's design for a marriage, but it is not the only function.
After all, when God made Eve to be Adam's helpmeet, they had not yet brought children into the world. God expected Eve to help Adam with his work in the garden.
When making Eve as a companion for Adam, God said, "It is not good for man to be alone."
This is true of our husbands, too, whether they are 19 or 90. Our husbands don't stop needing our companionship, our respect, and our domestic support just because our children are grown. If we become too busy to make a home with our husbands and for our husbands, our husbands do feel a heart-crushing loneliness.
The cleaning expert, Flylady, has a saying, "Nothing says I love you like having clean underwear in the drawer." This goes along with a comment from Oprah, "Love is in the details." (I'm not endorsing either person here. But, there is some important truth in these two statements.)
We may look at our big, strong husbands and think, "He's an adult, and he doesn't need me to help him. I'm busy. Why can't he just fix his own sandwich?" or "If he wants the bed made, why doesn't he just do it himself?"
It's fine -- and sometimes necessary -- for our husbands to help with domestic tasks. My husband pitches in a lot to help our household run smoothly. But, the keeping of the home is ultimately our province as women. Our husbands can tell when our heart is in homemaking and when our heart is not. And, this speaks to them about whether we love and respect them. A husband whose wife can't be bothered to provide him with emotional or domestic support senses that she neither respects him nor holds him dear in her heart.
I have had to learn how to cook for two again, and, at one point, I wasn't too fired up about that. Then, it dawned on me: "Hey, as a new bride, I loved to make special meals just for the two of us. Why shouldn't I take just as much pains with our dinners now that our children are grown?"
I followed the same logic out to all parts of making a home -- Is there really any reason why I shouldn't enjoy creating a romantic and cozy nest for the two of us? After all, I love my husband even more deeply than I did on the day we married. If anything, I should put even more heart into it. After all, at this age, I should understand even better the brevity of our time on this earth and make the best of every opportunity to show my husband that I love him.
By today's standards, our children came along fairly quickly. We had been married only about a year and a half before our oldest was born. So, this is the time that God is giving us to enjoy being with just each other. We are both extremely busy, so we have to work at creating these together moments. But, when we do, it's always worth the efffort.
Now, I'm not perfect in this by any means! Recently, I have made my husband feel like he was second fiddle to other pursuits. However, it is on my heart to be my husband's helpmeet for as long as the Lord allows us to grow old together.
Even if we both end up in a room in a nursing home, I want to add some homey touches to our space. If we both live to be eighty, I still want to be an enjoyable companion to my husband.
In middle age, we women go through the craziness of perimenopause and menopause. Sometimes, we may not have the emotional vigor or the physical strength that we used to. This can present challenges in our marriages and in our keeping of the home. However, no challenges are insurmountable with God.
This is not usually the end of the story. Though I'm not there yet, I've noticed that women who have passed through menopause sometimes end up with more energy than ever before. Since the body no longer diverts resources to the reproductive cycle, a post-menopausal woman may feel better at 55 than she did when she was 30.
If the empty-nest woman is basically healthy, she may be entering some of the most vigorous years of her life. Plus, she may be extra-energized by new happenings -- such as becoming a grandmother, finally finding the time to garden, or going back to school.
It's great when the husband and wife are both doing well spiritually and physically and are both excited about life. Sometimes, however, the wife's post-menopausal rush may coninside a husband's midlife droop. Perhaps, as she starts to feel better physical and emotionally and spiritually, he may begin to feel his age. Or, he may peak out in his career peak, while younger men whiz past him. Perhaps, he wrestles with disappointments and broken dreams.
Thus, the wife may see doors opening before her, while the husband may may see doors shutting. A wife's loving and faithful example may encourage a man to draw closer to the Lord. It may help him to remain faithful, rather than giving way to depression or bitterness.
This is also a time when our husbands may take on more responsibility at church; after all, one of the qualifications of a spiritual elder is that he literally be "an elder" in terms of life experience. Though her husband was an elder under the old covenant rather than in the church, we can take our cue from the Proverbs 31 woman. Because she was such an excellent wife, her husband was able to take his place as a leader. He needed her to fulfill her role, not to slack off on it. In the same way, if our husbands are carrying heavy spiritual responsiblity in middle age and beyond, they need us more than ever.
When I was a new bride, there was an army of empty-nest women in the church. These women were available during the day to teach the Bible to other women or to organize Sunday school materials or to sit with the ill or to train the younger sisters or to provide a sympathetic ear or to otherwise serve the Lord and his church. Now, most empty nest women work full time jobs outside of the home, and it's hard to find women who can meet needs that arise during working hours. The few women who are at home get called for everything. And, often, there are too few of them to take care of it all.
Now, I'm not saying that it's wrong for an empty nest woman to work fulltime. That is a decision that is between her, her husband, and, most of all, God. However, a woman should not think that because her children are grown, that she is not needed at home or in the church. She should not believe that a job is her only avenue to fulfillment.
If an empty nest woman does return to work on a fulltime basis, her husband may step up and do more things around the house. However, the woman must still fulfill her role as wife and as keeper of the home. She cannot use her career as an excuse to neglect these important responsiblities. (See Titus 2:1-5).
"She brings him good -- ALL -- the days of her life," says Proverbs 31. This ends only when we are parted when the Lord calls one spouse home. There's no retirment plan for being a keeper at home.

Keep the Conversation Going
For Moms and Children

From Pat Hershey Owen's book, Home is a Fun Place to Be, I learned to play this game with my children when they were very small. We sat on the floor together. I would start a conversation with a statement or a question, and I would roll the ball to one of my children. In order for the child to roll the ball back to me or to a sibling, he had to make a comment that kept the conversation going.
For example, I might say, "I like the color red. Do you?"
If the child just said "Yes, ma'am." the conversation ended there. So, the child would have to try again to come up with something that would move the conversation along. They might say something like, "Apples are my favorite red things. What is your favorite red thing?" Or, the child could say to a sibling, "What about you. Do you like red, too?"
From this game, the children learned that conversation is similar to rolling a ball back and forth or playing catch. They learned that if someone opens a conversation, it's selfish to "hold onto the ball" of conversation. It's thoughtful and more fun to "roll the ball" back, so that the talk keeps going.
Obvious as it should be, that's not a bad thing for adults to remind outselves, as well. In her book, The Personal Touch, Rachel Crabb writes, "When someone makes a comment to you, listen and then respond in a way that invites further conversation. For example, if someone says she has seen a good movie, instead of saying, "I did, too," ask her another question. "What did you like best about it?" That invites her into a conversation with you.
Rachel continues, "If a person comments, "I am really feeling down, and my job is bugging me," don't simply toss it off by saying you will pray for her. "How is it bothering you?" or "Are your cowokers difficult to work with?" are questions that will draw her out and let her know that you really are interested in how she feels and what she is experiencing."
Whenever I introduce two people, I try to throw out a conversational "ball" that can get a new friendship "rolling". For example, I might say, "Mary loves to cross-stitch," or "Michael and his wife just moved here from Delaware." That way, the other person can say something like, "Tell me about your cross-stitching," or, "What brought you to our city, Michael?"
We've all had those awkward times when we've tried to keep a conversation going, but the other person let it die by saying, "yes," "no, or some other monosyllable. If it's someone we know well, we can usually pick up on the fact that they are busy, tired, angry, or depressed. If it's someone we've just met, we can guess that the person is probably shy and ill at ease. This is particularly true if the person is young and inexperienced or if the person is the only new figure in a crowd of people who already know each other well. No matter what the cause, prayer, love, listening, and patience are called for.
And, then, there are people like me who sometimes hog the conversational ball by talking too much. "A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but delights in airing his own opinions." Proverbs 18:2 Ouch!
It's good to share something about yourself, so that the other person can know you more deeply. But, then, ask a question that spurs them to share as well, so that you are engaging in a real, two-way conversation.

Keep the ball rolling!
Elizabeth

Hospitality: The Personal Touch

One of my favorite books on hospitality is "The Personal Touch" by Rachel Crabb. The subtitle is, " Encouraging Others Through Hospitality."

This slim little volume is packed with heart and with practical tips. I reccommend that you read it for yourself to absorb everything that it has to offer. I would like to share a few quotes, though.

"Though the Lord is still working on my pride and helping me to learn to relax and keep the most important thing in mind -- practicing encouragement, not just hospitality-- I have also tried to gather as much ammunition as possible to be prepared for making the most of every opportunity.

Here are some points I try to remember:

1) Concentrate on people, not preparations.
2) Keep supplies on hand for putting together one impromptu meal.
3) Have some type of small refreshment on hand: a flavored tea or coffee, cheese and crackers, or cookie dough for quick preparation.
4) Keep my sense of humor and lose my sense of pride. A few years from now, will guests really remember if the bathroom mirror was spotted when they dropped by?

"Three reliable impromptu snacks are popcorn, ice cream (I like to keep at least one topping on hand), and pizza."

"Here a a few sample menus to give you ideas for what to have on hand for impromptu guests. Today, there is a strong emphasis on serving healthy menus. When in doubt of the diet your guests may prefer, consider broiling a piece of chicken or fish and serving fresh vegetables and fruit. (My note: This list of meals is based on many quickly preparedpre-packaged items, so that you can serve guests on short notice. However, with some creativity and planning, you can make a stock of homemade items which can be brought out for unexpected guests).

Canned ham
Box of scalloped or au gratin potatoes
canned, fresh, or frozen veggie
rolls or bread
microwave cake

Spaghetti sauce
Spaghetti or other noodles
Salad
Frozen pie

Frozen chicken kieve
frozen broccoli
pacakged rice side dish
brownies

pizza crusts
pizza sauce
mozzarella cheese
olives, mushrooms, pepperoni, onions, etc.
sherbet"

"One delicious item to keep int he frezer is balls of homemade cookie dough. Whenever I ahve surprise gusts, if even just for acup of coffee or tea, I can stick a pan of cookie dough in the oven within minutes of their arrival. I believe aprt of practicing encouragement means making my friends feel special. If eating a cookie warm from the oven makes my guests feel special, taht helps me encourage them."

"My home-frozen peaches have become a reliable emergency menu ration. My family has become hoooked on these peelsed, clisced and packed fresh peachs in light syrup, which are tucked awy in the freezer for winter enjoyment. I can mix them with other frozen fruit for an appetizer or fruit side dish or sppon them over ice ream for dessert."

"A quick salad that guest enjoy is prepared by draining a can of mandarin oranges and place the orange sections and sliced almonds on lettuce, then topping with a sweet dressing, usch as poppy seeed or mayonnaise mixed with honey."

"Here's an emergency dessert: Caryl's Frozen Yogurt Pie: Mix together 8 oz of whipped topping with 16 oz of yogurt. Put mixture in graham cracker crust or a nut or cookie crust and freeze."

"Let your guests pitch in. It is often fun to invite your guests to help with the meal. Ask everyone to bring something, or provide the meal and ask your guest to bring the dessert. Why not supply pizza crust and cheese or baked potatoes, and let your guests bring the toppings? Or proivde lettuce while your guests bring chopped vegetables and dressings"

(My note: A fun thing to do is to make "hobo stew", otherwise known as "stone soup". You provide cooked ground beef and soup stock, or, if you do not eat meat, provide a good vegetable stock, in a huge pot. Ask everyone to bring a can of something that you would find in a vegetable soup. When each guest arrives, add his contribution to the pot. It will be fun to see the soup taking place as you add the ingredients. You always end up with something slightly different. Yet, it never fails to be delicious.)

"Be creative and flexible. Plan a style of entertaining tha fits your budget and your lifestyle. The improtant thing is not to put off practicing hospitality because your home isn't finished or the carpet is threadbare or your cooking skills aren't perfect or your children are too young. It's too easy to think of a hundred-and-one excuses for never inviting anyone over to your home. If you just start somewhere, you'll really enjoy sharing yourself and your home with others. Don't become so involved in preapreations that you forget to enjoy this opporutnity to let Christ shine through you."

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

If you are a woman who operates a home-based business, check out The Mom Pack. It's a group of over 4,000 women whose mission is "..to support our mutual goals of success through an innovative, free advertising partnership." Although most of the women are moms-at-home, you don't have to be mother to join. I, myself, am an empty-nester, but I'm interested in what the group has to offer.

I've just joined, so I have much to learn about the group and its activities and benefits. In a future post, I'll give my evaluation. But, it the mean time, check it out for yourself.
And, if you are a member, please leave your comments about the group.

Elizabeth

Ten Budget Friendly Tips for Creating a Lovely Home

The American Heritage Dictionary of the English language defines the word lovely as 1) full of love; loving; 2) inspiring love or affection; 3) having beauty that appeals to the emotions as well as to the eye; 4) enjoyable, and delightful. Isn't that the kind of home you want to have? I know that I do, though I have a long, long way to go in that respect.

I'm sure it's no accident that the number 1 definition is being full of love or loving. True loveliness comes from having a loving heart. (Doesn't everything begin with the heart?). This loveliness originates in a relationship to Christ and it shows up in the things we think about, the things we say, and the things we do. (See Phil. 4:4-8, Ephesians 4:29, Ephesians 5:1).

True loveliness doesn't has nothing to do with physical surroundings. However, a lovely heart will want to express itself in creating loveliness for others. And, we will enjoy our role as keepers of our home better if we attend to the beauty of our hosue. So, let's move on to definitions 3 and 4: having beauty that appeals to the emotions as well as to the eye; enjoyable and delightful. Here are ten tips that I've learned from others about creating a beautiful, enjoyable, and delightful home:

1) Learn what makes a home lovely to you and what makes a home feel lovely to the other members of your household. Use what you learn as a guide for how you spend you decorate and entertain. Having a plan will save you from making expensive mistakes. Take the long view and be willing to shape your home over a period of five to ten years. Buy a few essential pieces, and then add to them as your budge allows.

If you aren't sure what makes a house feel like a home to you, start a file of ideas that appeal to you. Buy a few decorating magazines and clip photos that draw your eye. When you visit someone and are charmed by their home, think about what it was that you enjoyed. You may have to dig to see what your pictures and your notes have in come. For example, you may have clipped out a picture of a modern room and a picture of a traditional room. If you look closely, you will see a common thread: perhaps rich color or a light and airy feeling. Eventually, you will start to see your personal style emerging.

Don't stop with determining your own style. We are all individuals, and what you find to be lovely may do nothing for someone else in your household. As keeper of your home, it's only natural that you will put your personal stamp on your dwelling. However, you don't want to do this to the point of running over everyone else's preferences. If you have "girly" tastes, like I do, and you are married, be especially mindful of your husband. My poor dear husband once gently asked me if we could have at least one room in the house that wasn't too flowery. Some men don't feel at home with lots of nicknacks, frills, and dainty furniture. They prefer sturdy, but cushy places to sit, and lots of room to move around without fear of breaking something delicate. I enjoy watching HGTV's Designing for the Sexes, because it demonstrates how to blend two opposite decorating styles into one.

2) Some people have a natural eye for line, color, proportion, and how to arrange things to their best advantage. If you weren't born with this gift, don't worry. You can develop your artistic eye. Ask the advice of friends whose taste you admire. Check out books about the principles of art from the library and study them. Keep these principles in mind as you make your home. You will find these principles can improve how you do something even as simple as setting a table. A knowledge of these principles will also help you spot great bargains on beautiful items at garage sales, flea markets, and antique shops.

3) Choose lovely reading material and music. The author Theodora Goss pointed out in a journal item on her website that classic literature and classical music are reasonably priced. I had never thought of it that way, but she's right. You can walk into any bookstore and find a classic novel for a fraction of what it would take you to purchase the latest bestseller. And, good quality classical CD's are often less costly than rock or rap. Now, the classics may not be your thing -- at least not for daily fare -- and that's ok. But, if you keep an open mind, you might discover that you find it soothing to have Pachelbel's Canon playing in the background or to curl up with Jane Austin's Pride and Prejudice.

Another way to add a bit of loveliness to your home is with with children's books that have a beautiful story and beautiful illustrations. Even an adult guest will enjoy thumbing through a high quality children's book that is placed on a coffee table.

4) Another tip from Theodora Goss: Collect old items of white china or white stoneware, old lace tablecloths, and antique silverware. As mentioned above, you can often find these for little to nothing at garage sales, flea markets, and antique shops. Take your time. Add one piece at at time as your budget allows. Do not worry about matching the white china or the silverware. The white pieces will look good together. (Don't mix china with stoneware, though). The silverware will be all the more charming for not being part of a matched set. (I would, however, look for silveware that is similar in design or scale. You might look for forks and spoons that are dainty and with floral patterns, for example.)

5) Grow your own flowers for cutting. To many people, nothing makes a house lovelier or more homey than a vase of pretty, fragrant blossoms. Create your own cutting garden so that you will always have some on hand. Bulbs are particularly easy and cheap to grow. If you don't have the time or the room to grow flowers, look for a discount florist in your area. Also compare the prices in the floral departments of grocery store. Sam's is a great place to buy inexpensive bouquets, but only if you find it economical to buy a lot of things at Sam's. You won't save enough on flowers alone to justify the annual membership fee.

6) Consider how the things you already own may be re-arranged for a fresh look. Ask a friend to help you with this one. You may be so used to the way your home looks now that you don't see how a particular object might work better in another place. For example, a former neighbor of mine had a background in interior decorating. (I miss her company and her advice!). I had a painting that I loved but didn't know where to hang, so I put it in an out of the way spot at the bottom of my staircase). I was decorating a bathroom, but I got stuck and needed something to put on one of the walls. I did not even realize that the bathroom was done in the same colors as the painting. My neighbor ran to the painting immediately and hung it in the bathroom. Voila. The painting brought the bathroom to life, yet it was easily overlooked in its former spot.

7) Ok, we all know this one, but I need to keep it in mind: Cut the clutter, and keep things as shining and clean as you possibly can. You have to be realistic about this. Your house is a home and not a monument to cleanliness. If you have children, pets, or a life of any kind, you won't always be able to keep things perfectly clutter free or spic and span. But, clean and orderly surroundings are not only lovely, they are more comfortable. Clutter and dirt can make people feel out of sorts without their even realizing why.

8) Have some pretty afghans or coverlets in spots where you read, gather to talk, or watch TV. More women than men find these essential to the comfort and beauty of a home. But, if you're like me, when you are relaxing, you will find it soothing to snuggle under a light cover. And, these can provide inexpensive and quickly changed decorating accents, as well.

9) Try not to use loud appliances, such as dishwashers, washing machines, and dryers when you are trying to spend time with family members and friends. This noise can be distracting, and, for some people, nerve-wracking. Especially avoid running these applicances during meals. Of course, noise control means planning ahead. If I wait too late in the day to start a load of clothing, I get caught with the washer or dryer running as we eat dinner.

I often use the delay button on my dishwasher. That way, I can put the dishes in right after dinner, but I can delay the time the machine starts for up to four hours. That's more than enough time to watch a movie or play a game without the noise interfering with what we're doing.

Being mindful of using noisy applicances at certain times is especially important in houses like ours, which have open floor plans. We can close off the sounds of the laundry room to some extent, but the noise of the dishwasher carries loudly into our living room.

10) If you move a lot, put together a color scheme that you can take with you from home to home. The late President Eisenhower and his wife, Mamie, moved many times during his career. The first house they ever owned was purchased when he left the White House. Mamie developed a color scheme (hers was green and pink), which she was able to use everytime they changed quarters. She carried a swatch board with her to help her set up each new household.
(A side note: Mamie believed that every room should have one touch of yellow -- yellow flowers in a vase, for example -- because yellow is cheering and reminds peole of the sun. You could acccomplish the same with a bowl of pretty lemons)

Have fun!
elizabeth

What's in a name?

I live in a religious area where most people would describe themselves as " Christians". Yet, if you went to the mall and took a survey of 100 people to discover what they think the word means, you'd probably get a hundred answers. People use it to say, "I'm not Moslem. I'm not Jewish. Therefore I must be Christian," or "I go to church when I feel like it and I perform a few good deeds now and again " or "My granddaddy was a preacher," or "I believe that Christ is the Son of God, so I'm sure I must be saved, even though I'm not living a righteous life right now ", or "I truly am devoted to Christ, who loved me and saved me through his blood."

Since we know that God is not the author of confusion, it must be Satan who's got us all mixed up. Yet, there are only three to five* references (depending on the translation) to the word Christian in the entire Bible. Thus, it should't be as hard to define as we make it out to be.

When I first discovered how rarely God uses this term, I was shocked. Today, that's the word most of us use most of the time, so I assumed that it must fill the pages of the New Testament. I don't know why I thought that. I had read my Bible enough to know better.

Below are all three times the NIV version translates the word, "Christian". Please note that the KJV also uses the word Christian only in these identical verses.

Acts 26:28 Then Agrippa said to Paul, "Do you think that in such a short time you can persuade me to be a Christian?"

I Peter 4:16However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name.

Acts 11:26 and when he found him, he brought him to Antioch. So for a whole year Barnabas and Saul met with the church and taught great numbers of people. The disciples were called Christians first at Antioch.

That's it.

From these few mentions, we learn that a Christian is something that Agrippa didn't want to be, that sometimes being a Christian involves suffering, and that the word Christian is simply another name for a disicple of Jesus.

Apparently, the disciples did not choose the name of Christian for themselves. It is a beautiful word, for it means Christ-like or one who follows Christ. However, it was probably first used in a derogatory way. The poeple in Antioch so identified these "Jesus people" with their Lord so much that they started calling them "Christians".

When I was a girl, people labeled those who followed the Reverend Moon as "Moonies", so much so that I don't even know the real name of his religious movement . Moonie was not as a compliment. In the same way, it's likely that the citizens of Antioch did not mean to compliment the disciples there by calling them Christians. No matter what their movties were, the name stuck -- at least in popular terminology. Besides, it doesn't really matter whether the term was used to encourage or to stigmatize. Even if we are sometimes persecuted for wearing the name of Christ, it is the greatest privilege we could ever hope for.

This brings me to another "doh" moment in my spiritual history. We've just seen that the word Christian is used only three times. By contrast, the word "disciple"is used over 260 times, most notably in the gospels and Acts. Somehow, in all of my Bible study, I missed that important fact! In fact, there was a time when I thought there were only twelve disciples, for I confused the term disciples with apostle. It never occured to me that disciple is the predominant word used to describe all followers of Christ. Therefore, it never occured to me that I should be one!

Jesus, Himself, linked being his disciple with the gospel and salvation. In Matthew 28:18-20 NIV, He commanded his apostles to "Go and make disiples of all nations, baptizing them, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you." The KJV renders "make disciples" as teach, but the original Greek word actually means a particular kind of teaching. It means to enroll scholars or disciples in the shcool of a master.

What did Jesus mean when he commissioned the apostles to "make disciples". A disciple is a student, a follower, or someone who adheres to a master's teachings. When someone "becomes a Christian", he becomes Christ's student.

As we grow in Christ, we take on more of his heart and his character. We train others to be like Christ, as well. But, even as we share what we've learned with others, we still remain pupils or disciples. Jesus, our Lord and Savior, is always ahead of us. Jesus, the Son of God, is perfect in all of his attributes. He is always ahead of us, always beckoning us to follow Him. We keep growing, learning, repenting, and followig after Christ until the day He takes us home to heaven.

It's easy for us to miss the significance of Christ's call to be his disicples. Our culture has lost the meaning of the word disciple, in general.

Oh, we do occasionally say that someone is a disicple of a certain teacher. For example, I read a book by a woman who studied under ballet teacher who "a disciple of Pavolva". Pavolova was one of the greatest ballerinas in history. Though Pavolova had passed away by the time the author became a student, she was thrilled to dance at the feet of someone who personified Palova's art, methodology, and approach. To her, it was as if she studied with Pavolova herself.

Yet, such references to a disciple learning at the feet of a master are rare. Our primary view of education is that of a teacher lecturing in a classroom setting.

By contrast, both the early Jewish Christians and the Gentile Christians easily understood what it meant to become Jesus' disciple. In both Greek and Hebrew cultures, students of religion or philosophy traveled with their teachers. They grew to know their teacher deeply, and he grew to know them. They saw their teacher in action. They not only learned his teachings -- as important as the teachings were -- they also knew the teacher's heart and character, as well. They imitated his life. They wanted to be like him in every way, and they wanted others to become disciples of their master, too.

If you encountered the disciple of a certain teacher, likely you saw a good deal of that teacher reflected in him. Thus, to meet someone's disciple was to have a window through which to view what that teacher was all about.

Having seen multiple examples of discipleship, it was no great leap for the early Christians to understand all that being in a saved relationship with their Lord entailed. They held to and promoted Jesus' teachings. They took on his heart and his character. They imitated Him. They sought to be like Him in every way. Thus, anyone who met a Christian would have some clue to what Jesus was like.

In fact, the Christians' zeal would outshine that of disciples of human teachers, for they had a greater Master and a greater motivation. No human teacher had ever died to save the world from sin. No human master had ever risen from the dead. No human master was God in the flesh, come down to show us his unfathomable love. Most of all, Christians actually had God's Holy Spirit dwelling within them.

So, all of this this brings us right back to the name Christian, doesn't it? A Christian is one so thoroughly identified with his Teacher, Christ, that He is called by Christ's name. In the same way, the disciple is one who acknowledges that He is Jesus student and is easily recognized as such. Thus, the true meaning of "Christian" and the true meaning of "disciple" are essentially one and the same: They both are terms for the person who follows Christ, our Lord and Savior. You can't be a Christian without being a disciple of Jesus (or vice versa), any more than you can say to your math teacher, "I will be your student, but I won't be your pupil".

As it says in I John 2:6 "Whoever claims to live in Him must walk as Jesus did." In other words, we dare not use the word Christian to describe ourselves lightly. We cannot merely call Jesus Lord (see Matthew 7:21-27), we must follow Him. Of course, Christians are not perfect in walking as Jesus did. But, they do wholeheartedly follow in the steps of their Lord and Savior.

Today, we do not physically follow Jesus, as the people of his time did. But, we know him through God's word.. We also learn from godly people, whose Christlike example inspires us. Just as the early Christians did, we have the Holy Spirit to help us in bearing the fruit of a Christlike character. (See Acts 2:38, Galatians 5:16-28).

We go to Jesus, and we learn from Him. And, Jesus says that it is in coming to Him and being his pupil that we find rest. (See Matthew 11:28-29). Could it be that so many of us suffer spiritual unrest, because we try to follow Christ and follow the world, too? Not only does that not work, this places us in spiritual danger. Christ will not allow us to have two Masters (See Revelation 3:14-21, John Chapters 14-15, Matthew 7:21-27, Matthew 6:24).

Of course, Christian and disciple are not the only terms for one who follows Jesus. The KJV has three references to the term "believer", for example. The NIV translators make freer use of this word, applying it in twenty scriptures. The King James references go back to the Greek word, "pisteou" which means to trust, to commit, assurance, fidelity, to have faith in. It is used, by implication, of the Christian who entrusts his spiritual well-being to Christ.

Another word that is used for Christian is the word "saint", which means someone who is holy or pure. Someone or something that is holy has been set apart for God's purpose. In I Peter 1:16, God commands us, "Be holy, as I am holy." Again, God reminds us that he is the example -- the standard -- for us to follow.

One of the most beloved terms for "Christian" is "saved". We could decide to follow Christ from now until the day we die, but our efforts would not save us from the penalty that our sins deserve. Only the blood of Christ can do that. However, we have to look at why Christ saved us. He saved us so that we can walk with Him. He saved us so that our nature of sin can be crucified, and we can be raised to live a new life in Him and for Him.

Titus 2:11-14 says, "For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. it teachs us to say "no" to ungodliness and wordly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wiat for the blessed hope -- the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a peopel that are his very own, eager to do what is good."

In speaking of our freedom in Christ, Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 3:18, "And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."

And, that brings us back full circle to "Christian" -- "One who belongs to Christ and is like Christ".

There's a lot in a name, isn't there?

elizabeth

*Some of the newest translations of the Bible use the word Christian more frequently -- up to 33 times.