As I have loved you...

In an earlier post, I referenced John 13:34, where Jesus says, "A new command I give you : Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."
Why does Jesus consider this to be a new command? After all, He said that the two greatest commandments of the old covenant were to 1) love God with all of our being and 2) to love our neighbors as ourselves. (See Matthew 22:37-39). It was God's design from the beginning for us to enjoy his unfathomable love for us, to adore Him above all idols of the heart, and to treat each other with with sacrifical kindness.
Jesus command is new, because it is based on a new standard. "As I have loved you, so you must also love one another." All along, in OT times, God not only taught us about love, but he expressed it in demonstrable ways. Jesus is the apex of God's expression of love. He is the perfect demonstration. He is the fulfillment of everything that God taught about love in the old testament.
How then did our perfect example -- Jesus -- love us? He left perfect heaven to dwell on sin-marred earth. He submitted to being born in the humblest of circumstances. He made himself vulnerable to human parents, to the point that a human mother nursed him and changed his diapers.
Though sin pained Christ's sinless soul, he was the sinner's best friend. He walked with people. He ate with people. He healed the sick. He touched lepers, from whom everyone else shrank in fear of contracting their disease. Though he was the King of kings, he wore himself out serving his own subjects. He, like us, faced temptation, though, unlike us, he never, ever gave into it. He died a criminal's death. He was executed in our place to take the penalty for our sins. He tasted the thing we fear the most, and he overcame it when he raised to a new life.
Jesus did all of this, even though not one person in history can claim to be righteous enough to deserve such love. Jesus is the same today as he was then. (See Hebrews 13:8). Therefore, we can be assured that he loves us with the same love that shines from the pages of the gospels. We also know that he calls us to follow his example today.
Jesus takes us way beyond the realm of attending church, of being nice and kind, and of obeying moral laws. All of these things are essential, and Jesus does expect us to put them into practice. But, more so, Jesus calls us to have the same kind of active, seeking, self-sacrificing love that he did. We are to take up our own cross daily. (Luke 9:23) In other words, we are to get up each morning and put aside our sins and our selfishness in order to serve and to love others. We do this in our families, in the church, and with the lost.
Here's the kicker: If we love as Jesus did, we will get hurt. Jesus' type of love led him to the cross. Moreover, Jesus was betrayed by one of his closet circle, Judas. Judas tipped off the authorities by giving Jesus a kiss -- something that should have been a sign of friendship!
Judas knowingly betrayed Christ. If we follow Christ, there will be occasions when people hurt us intentionally. The Bible says that all who live a godly life will be persecuted. In such cases, Jesus instructs us to pray for our enemies, just as he prayed for thsoe who betrayed him.
More often, when someone offends us, it is simply because they are clumsy or thoughtless. Since none of us have arrived at being just like Jesus, we need a reality check here, too. How many times have we unknowingly hurt other people through our own insensitivity?
Usually, the people who hurt us the most are the ones who are closest to us. We are the most vulnerable with loved ones. If someone makes an angry gesture at you in traffic, the sting fades before you finish whispering a prayer for them. But, let a family member or someone from church treat us rudely and the wound cuts deeper. It's even worse if the loved one has no clue why their action crushed your feelings
Now, in my sinful nature, I am prone to think: "I want to make that person understand just how much they hurt me." If they don't "get it", I can find myself mentally harranguing them, going over in my mind exactly what they did and why it was so wrong. I can iron a shirt, all the while self-righteously lecturing someone in my mind.
Of course, there is a place for letting someone know that they have hurt our feelings. God does tell us to be open with one another, so that we can resolve conflicts before the enemy can get a foothold. Many a friendship has ended; many a family has splintered; and many a church has split precisely because people have refused to talk things through. God gives specific directions in his word about healing such conflicts before they lead to deep-seated bitterness.
But, I'm not talking about genuine efforts to seek godly resolution, here. I'm talking about the temptation to demand emotional payment for a wrong suffered. I somehow think that if I can get the person to understand the depth of their sin, it will be easier to forgive them.
This is not the way Jesus walked, however. He calls me to a higher love.
On the cross, Jesus prayed, "Father, forgive them, for they don't know what they're doing."
It is precisely because his murderers did not understand that Christ appealed for their forgiveness! His prayer was not for them alone. It was for every one of us. We have all nailed Jesus to the cross, for we have all have contributed to the sin that killed him.
Jesus died for us long before we were born. He died knowing that each and every one of us would need a Savior. He died knowing that we would hurt him, for God grieves over our transgressions as spiritual adultery. Jesus died for us knowing what we would be like at our most ungodly pont. And, he died for us knowing that even at our very best, we still fall short and need his grace. (See Romans 5:7-9)
Now, God does confront us about our unrighteousness. The Bible describes sin and righteousness in great detail. In order to accept Christ's offer of forgiveness through the cross, we do have to confess our transgressions and to turn fromthem. We can't keep living in opposition to Christ and expect to be in saved fellowship with Him at the same time. The path of sin and the path of righteousness simply do not lead to the same place.
In Ezekiel 18:23, and 18:32, God declares that he has no pleasure in the death of anyone; rather, he is pleased when the wicked repent. God extends the hand of forgiveness through the cross; sadly, many will reject this offer to their own doom. We must never lose sight of God's holy wrath towards sin.
At the same time, we must never lose sight of his kindness, either. I read something that has always stuck with me, "There is a God who would rather die than live without you." And, in Jesus, God proved that to be true.
So, when I have trouble forgiving someone, I go back to Jesus. I look at the way he loved people in general. I mediate on how he has loved me, in particular. I remember that he died to pay my spiritual debt. I realize that I had no hope of re-paying that debt by means of my own righteousness. I remember that I am a spiritual begger, holding up my empty tin can to God, who graciously showers me with so much mercy and blessings that my cup overflows.
When I stay in touch with my own spiritual poverty, I have no more desire to collect an "emotional payment" from someone else. I forgive, because I know I am forgiven of so much.
Jesus is my standard for how I am to love. If I stand at the foot of his cross, glaring angrily at another person, I am missing the whole point!
This is serious business: In Matthew 18:34-25 describes the fate of all who beg for mercy from God but do not want to extend it to others: "In anger, his master turned him over to he jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brothers from your heart."
The flip side is a wonderful promise: "Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give and it will be given to you, good measure, pressed down, shaken toegther, and running over will be put into your bosom, for with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you." Luke 6:37-38.

Elizabeth

Helping Each Other to be Godly

I grew up in a church that held to a lot of sound teaching, but we left out a few vital things. One of these omissions was preaching about and modeling the depth of relationship that God desires for his children to enjoy.
Later on, when I was introduced to a church whose members were actually putting these relationships into practice, I was blown away. I was thrilled to see almost equal percentages of black and white people worshipping together -- and this was over twenty years ago down in the deep South. People served each other to a degree I had never seen before. They were in each other's lives on a daily basis, not just on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights. They helped each other battle sin, and they encouraged each other to be faithful. They expressed a holy affection for one another.
Now, this church, being made of people, was far from perfect. But, I realized that I was among people who were living out something from God's word that I had never truly seen practiced.
Having been raised with a Biblical background, I knew that the fellowship within this church was how God meant it to be. Yet, I needed further study in order to understand God's design for these meaningful, one-another relationships.
One of the first verses that helped me was Titus 2:3-5KJV: "The aged women likewise that they be in behavior as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; that they may teach the youhng women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed."
I had heard of this verse, of course. I had vaguely been following this teaching without even realizing it. When I was a new bride and a new mother, I instinctively watched older wives and mothers to learn how they managed things.
My understanding of this verse was shallow. I was too prideful to ask for help in certain situations -- such as when my new baby had her days and nights mixed up. I had no clue that I should welcome input, even if it might be corrective. My pride came from insecurity. As a young wife and mother, I thought that I should instinctively know how to love my husband and children and how to manage my home. It never dawned on me that God asks the older women to train the younger precisely because we don't know these things instinctively. Even the young wife who enters into marriage with the best domestic education has to learn some things "on the job". She learns these things best with older women in her life to support her.
I knew only to think of this verse in a general sense -- such as an older woman teaching a ladies' Bible class. Of course, that is a perfectly valid application of Titus 2:3-5. The real power in this verse, however, hinges on personal relationship. It occurs when an older woman takes a younger woman under her wing and shares her life with her.
According to Strong's Concordance, the phrase "teach to be sober" comes from one Greek word, sophronizo. This word has the sense of restoring someone to his senses, discipling someone, exhorting and admonishing someone, and holding someone to his duty.
As we discussed in an earlier article, "discipling" is a form of learning that involves a student spending a lot of time with his teacher, getting to know not only his teaching, but his way of life. The teacher knows the students' weaknesses and strengths, and, thus, can steer him where he needs to go. The student knows the teacher, and takes on the teacher's heart. Likewise, holding someone to his duty or restoring someone to his senses requires that you interact with the individual in question.
In Titus 2, Paul is very specific about what the older women are to teach: They are to train the younger women to have godly character, to love their husbands and children, and to manage thier households. The goal of this teaching is that the women will be good examples to the world and that, through these women, God's name will be honored and not blasphemed.
At some points, we are the younger women who are soaking up the wisdom ofmore experienced Christian wives and mothers. Of course, we struggle in the process. We face hardships. We blow it, and, occasionlly, we blow it in a big way. But, if we have faithful, older women in our lives who are there to guide us and to love us and to pick us up, we make visible progress. Though we openly admit that we have weaknesses, those around us sense that we are serious about practicing the things we believe. They watch us grow. They see our faith blossom. They stand amazed at how God brings good out of our trials.
At other points, we are the older women who train the younger women. We share with younger wives and mothers the things that we learned from our "older" sisters. We point them to Bible verses, and we help them apply these verses to their individual situations. We share with them how God has helped us in trials and how he has never let us down. We also share with them the challenges that we face in the moment, and how God is helping us overcome them.
It's a little scary to think that younger women watch our lives closely, because we know our own weaknesses. The truth is, however, that younger wives do look to more experienced wives and mothers to be their examples. Though we still are maturing in Christ ourselves, God uses our lives to encourage our younger sisters.
Even as older women, God charges us to keep learning. After all, inTitus, Paul instructs Timothy to teach the older women so that they can turn around and train the younger women. (One side note: God charges the older women with training the younger women. The younger women are to go to their own husbands or to older women for spiritual help. When this verse is put into practice, a minister does not spend time alone counseling or teaching a young woman. This saves both the minister and the young woman from opportunity for temptation.)
When I first saw these one-on-one friendships modeled, I sought them in my own life. I seek them, still. When our last "chick" recently moved from our city to another city to begin a new job, I called a few sisters in Christ who had already gone through this experience. I was particularly encouraged by a woman whose sons are the same age that I am and whose grandchildren are young adults. No matter where we are in life, there is a woman who is walking ahead of us on the narrow road and who can reach back to help us take our next step. Over the years, I have been blessed to know many wonderful women of God. I have watched their lives. I have listened to how they speak to their husbands and to their children, to other poeple in the church, and to the lost. I have seen how they organize their households. I have been able to go to them for advice in loving my husband in a particular sitution or in seeking help in beng a mother to my children.
Sometimes, they have seen objectively what I have needed to learn, and they have been the ones to initiate input. Sometimes, this input has been painful. I have had close, trusted sisters come to me with the "shocking" information that "my little angels" didn't always behave like little angels and that they needed help in some area to which my hubby and I were blind. Now, I am grateful that these sisters loved me enough to tell me the truth before it was too late.
I believe that one reason my children are Christians is because of all the help that my dh and I have received from older godly couples. I also believe that it helped them to grow up with Christians 0f all ages and stages of life in our home frequently -- sometimes as many as several times in a week. I know they aren't Christians becuase we were flawless parents who always knew exactly what to do!
Of course, my Biblical education in relatiosnhips didn' stop with Titus 2. The pages of the Bible, especially of the New Testament, are filled with instructions for how we are to love one another. There are so many of these references that I can't list them all. But here are a few to get us all thinking.
Hebrews 3:13 NIV "But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness."
John 13:24-25 NIV: "A new command I give you. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this, all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."
Hebrews 10:24NIV: "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds."
I Peter 1:22 NIV: "Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart."
I Peter 4:9 NIV: "Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling."
Galatians 6:1 NIV "Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spirtiual shoudl restore him gently."
I thank God for the godly relationships that he has placed in my life. When I was a young bride, the Internet hadn't been develped -- at least not to the point that it is used now. I would have been thrilled to have access to so many sites devoted to being making a home. However, no Internet site -- especially not this one -- can ever replace the fellowship of a true church.
Our Internet friends are wonderful. But, it is our brothers and sisters in Christ -- the people we worship with and fellowship with throughout the week -- who know us best. Our sisters notice -- even when we don't realize it ourselves -- when we get off track in our relationship to God or in our family life. They pick up on things that are small but important, such as the fact that we roll our eyes when we don't like something our husbands say, and they can gently help us to change. Or, conversely, when we think we aren't making any progress, they point out victories that God has given us. They are the ones who stand beside us when we go out to share the gospel. They pray with us and for us. They point us to God's word. They cry with us when we hurt, and they laugh with us when we rejoice. And, each time they demonstrate Christ's love to us, we understand God just a little better.

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

Quickest and Easiest Fruit "Cobbler"

Frozen fruit -- your preference, but peaches or blackberries are particularly good. (The fruit
should be individually frozen pieces -- not the kind that is already in a
sugar syrup)
Frozen biscuits (not canned or "whomping" biscuits, but those that you can find in
sacks in the frozen food section. Our local Wal-Mart Neighborhood Grocery Store has great frozen biscuits. This recipe
might work with homemade rolled biscuit dough, but I've not tried it)
Sugar -- enough to sweeten the fruit to your taste.

Pour the frozen fruit into a suitable baking container. You can use one sack of fruit for a smaller dish or combine more sacks to fill a 9 by 13 dish. Warm the fruit for a couple of minutes in the microwave or for about five minutes in the oven at 350 degrees. Do not worry about draining the fruit. Also, the fruit does not need to be fully cooked, but it should be pretty warm. Once you've warmed the sweetened fruit, be sure to stir it.

Then, place frozen biscuits on top of the fruit -- as many as you desire, but allowing space between each one for the biscuits to rise and spread out a bit. (Now, you see why you want to give the fruit a headstart on cooking before you place the biscuits on top: 1) The fruit will take longer to cook down than the biscuits will take to bake. 2) If the fruit is still icy cold when you place the biscuits on top, the cold will keep the bottom of the biscuit from browning.)

Pop the fruit with biscuits into the oven. Follow the temperature and baking time for cooking the biscuits according to the package (Usually frozen biscuits take about twenty minutes). Check to see if biscuits are doine to your taste and if the fruit is sufficiently hot. Especially if you are using a lot of fruit, you may need to add some minutes to the cooking time.

Note: If you do try homemade biscuits, I would suggest that you pre-cook the fruit longer before placing the biscuits on top. Homemade biscuits do not take as long to cook as the frozen ones.

When the dessert is finished cooking, spoon into bowls and serve hot from the oven. Or, stir the biscuits down into the fruit before serving. You could add ice cream or whipped cream, but, to me, the dessert is rich enough and sweet enough on its own.

I "invented" this dish when I wanted something sweet in a hurry. It isn't a true "cobbler", but it's quick and tasty.

All the days...

She brings him good and not harm all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:12

If you've been married a while, do you remember the excitment you felt as a bride? Wasn't it fun to set up a household? Didn't you look forward to cooking for your new husband and to set teh table with your new dishes? Even if you held a fulltime, outside job, you still happily created a sweet nest for you and your beloved groom.
I remember my enthusiasm as a young wife, and I've see it in others lately. I've had the privilege of watching some new brides -- one of which is my very own wonderful daughter -- delight in making homes together with their beloved grooms.
My husband and I are a long way from being newlyweds now -- We've been married almost 26 years. In fact, we have just officially passed into the "empty nest" phase of life. It's been a gradual process, so I've gotten used to intermittent periods of time when none of our children lived at home. However, I think -- though only the Lord knows -- that we've reached the point where our children have truly started their own adult lives.
Of course, though I am happy for my children, I do miss having them under my roof. I always thought that missing your children would be the biggest challenge of the empty nest stage. However, I'm not sure that it is. I think there is a greater pitfall.
Here's what I think can be the biggest stumbling block: Once we've raised our children, we can think our work as keepers at home is done.
The truth is, we do have more more time to devote to our ministry as Christians and to business pursuits. This is good, for, if we are wise, we can make can use this extra time productively. If we're not careful, however, we can carry our newfound freedom too far. We can neglect our homes and make our husbands feel unloved as a result.
I've heard women my age proclaim, proudly, "Oh, I don't cook anymore. We eat out every evening." Now, if the husband and wife both enjoy eating out, and they have the money in their budget to do so, there's nothing wrong with this. The trouble is that I've heard women say this in a spirit that indicates that their husbands are not as important as the children were.
I've heard women express this exact same attitude about other household tasks. "Now that the children are gone, I don't _______", they say -- You can fill in the blank with whatever chore comes to mind.
Why does not having children in the house mean that you can skip doing the little things that make it a home? What if you had never been able to have children in the first place? Rearing children is an important part of God's design for a marriage, but it is not the only function.
After all, when God made Eve to be Adam's helpmeet, they had not yet brought children into the world. God expected Eve to help Adam with his work in the garden.
When making Eve as a companion for Adam, God said, "It is not good for man to be alone."
This is true of our husbands, too, whether they are 19 or 90. Our husbands don't stop needing our companionship, our respect, and our domestic support just because our children are grown. If we become too busy to make a home with our husbands and for our husbands, our husbands do feel a heart-crushing loneliness.
The cleaning expert, Flylady, has a saying, "Nothing says I love you like having clean underwear in the drawer." This goes along with a comment from Oprah, "Love is in the details." (I'm not endorsing either person here. But, there is some important truth in these two statements.)
We may look at our big, strong husbands and think, "He's an adult, and he doesn't need me to help him. I'm busy. Why can't he just fix his own sandwich?" or "If he wants the bed made, why doesn't he just do it himself?"
It's fine -- and sometimes necessary -- for our husbands to help with domestic tasks. My husband pitches in a lot to help our household run smoothly. But, the keeping of the home is ultimately our province as women. Our husbands can tell when our heart is in homemaking and when our heart is not. And, this speaks to them about whether we love and respect them. A husband whose wife can't be bothered to provide him with emotional or domestic support senses that she neither respects him nor holds him dear in her heart.
I have had to learn how to cook for two again, and, at one point, I wasn't too fired up about that. Then, it dawned on me: "Hey, as a new bride, I loved to make special meals just for the two of us. Why shouldn't I take just as much pains with our dinners now that our children are grown?"
I followed the same logic out to all parts of making a home -- Is there really any reason why I shouldn't enjoy creating a romantic and cozy nest for the two of us? After all, I love my husband even more deeply than I did on the day we married. If anything, I should put even more heart into it. After all, at this age, I should understand even better the brevity of our time on this earth and make the best of every opportunity to show my husband that I love him.
By today's standards, our children came along fairly quickly. We had been married only about a year and a half before our oldest was born. So, this is the time that God is giving us to enjoy being with just each other. We are both extremely busy, so we have to work at creating these together moments. But, when we do, it's always worth the efffort.
Now, I'm not perfect in this by any means! Recently, I have made my husband feel like he was second fiddle to other pursuits. However, it is on my heart to be my husband's helpmeet for as long as the Lord allows us to grow old together.
Even if we both end up in a room in a nursing home, I want to add some homey touches to our space. If we both live to be eighty, I still want to be an enjoyable companion to my husband.
In middle age, we women go through the craziness of perimenopause and menopause. Sometimes, we may not have the emotional vigor or the physical strength that we used to. This can present challenges in our marriages and in our keeping of the home. However, no challenges are insurmountable with God.
This is not usually the end of the story. Though I'm not there yet, I've noticed that women who have passed through menopause sometimes end up with more energy than ever before. Since the body no longer diverts resources to the reproductive cycle, a post-menopausal woman may feel better at 55 than she did when she was 30.
If the empty-nest woman is basically healthy, she may be entering some of the most vigorous years of her life. Plus, she may be extra-energized by new happenings -- such as becoming a grandmother, finally finding the time to garden, or going back to school.
It's great when the husband and wife are both doing well spiritually and physically and are both excited about life. Sometimes, however, the wife's post-menopausal rush may coninside a husband's midlife droop. Perhaps, as she starts to feel better physical and emotionally and spiritually, he may begin to feel his age. Or, he may peak out in his career peak, while younger men whiz past him. Perhaps, he wrestles with disappointments and broken dreams.
Thus, the wife may see doors opening before her, while the husband may may see doors shutting. A wife's loving and faithful example may encourage a man to draw closer to the Lord. It may help him to remain faithful, rather than giving way to depression or bitterness.
This is also a time when our husbands may take on more responsibility at church; after all, one of the qualifications of a spiritual elder is that he literally be "an elder" in terms of life experience. Though her husband was an elder under the old covenant rather than in the church, we can take our cue from the Proverbs 31 woman. Because she was such an excellent wife, her husband was able to take his place as a leader. He needed her to fulfill her role, not to slack off on it. In the same way, if our husbands are carrying heavy spiritual responsiblity in middle age and beyond, they need us more than ever.
When I was a new bride, there was an army of empty-nest women in the church. These women were available during the day to teach the Bible to other women or to organize Sunday school materials or to sit with the ill or to train the younger sisters or to provide a sympathetic ear or to otherwise serve the Lord and his church. Now, most empty nest women work full time jobs outside of the home, and it's hard to find women who can meet needs that arise during working hours. The few women who are at home get called for everything. And, often, there are too few of them to take care of it all.
Now, I'm not saying that it's wrong for an empty nest woman to work fulltime. That is a decision that is between her, her husband, and, most of all, God. However, a woman should not think that because her children are grown, that she is not needed at home or in the church. She should not believe that a job is her only avenue to fulfillment.
If an empty nest woman does return to work on a fulltime basis, her husband may step up and do more things around the house. However, the woman must still fulfill her role as wife and as keeper of the home. She cannot use her career as an excuse to neglect these important responsiblities. (See Titus 2:1-5).
"She brings him good -- ALL -- the days of her life," says Proverbs 31. This ends only when we are parted when the Lord calls one spouse home. There's no retirment plan for being a keeper at home.

Keep the Conversation Going
For Moms and Children

From Pat Hershey Owen's book, Home is a Fun Place to Be, I learned to play this game with my children when they were very small. We sat on the floor together. I would start a conversation with a statement or a question, and I would roll the ball to one of my children. In order for the child to roll the ball back to me or to a sibling, he had to make a comment that kept the conversation going.
For example, I might say, "I like the color red. Do you?"
If the child just said "Yes, ma'am." the conversation ended there. So, the child would have to try again to come up with something that would move the conversation along. They might say something like, "Apples are my favorite red things. What is your favorite red thing?" Or, the child could say to a sibling, "What about you. Do you like red, too?"
From this game, the children learned that conversation is similar to rolling a ball back and forth or playing catch. They learned that if someone opens a conversation, it's selfish to "hold onto the ball" of conversation. It's thoughtful and more fun to "roll the ball" back, so that the talk keeps going.
Obvious as it should be, that's not a bad thing for adults to remind outselves, as well. In her book, The Personal Touch, Rachel Crabb writes, "When someone makes a comment to you, listen and then respond in a way that invites further conversation. For example, if someone says she has seen a good movie, instead of saying, "I did, too," ask her another question. "What did you like best about it?" That invites her into a conversation with you.
Rachel continues, "If a person comments, "I am really feeling down, and my job is bugging me," don't simply toss it off by saying you will pray for her. "How is it bothering you?" or "Are your cowokers difficult to work with?" are questions that will draw her out and let her know that you really are interested in how she feels and what she is experiencing."
Whenever I introduce two people, I try to throw out a conversational "ball" that can get a new friendship "rolling". For example, I might say, "Mary loves to cross-stitch," or "Michael and his wife just moved here from Delaware." That way, the other person can say something like, "Tell me about your cross-stitching," or, "What brought you to our city, Michael?"
We've all had those awkward times when we've tried to keep a conversation going, but the other person let it die by saying, "yes," "no, or some other monosyllable. If it's someone we know well, we can usually pick up on the fact that they are busy, tired, angry, or depressed. If it's someone we've just met, we can guess that the person is probably shy and ill at ease. This is particularly true if the person is young and inexperienced or if the person is the only new figure in a crowd of people who already know each other well. No matter what the cause, prayer, love, listening, and patience are called for.
And, then, there are people like me who sometimes hog the conversational ball by talking too much. "A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but delights in airing his own opinions." Proverbs 18:2 Ouch!
It's good to share something about yourself, so that the other person can know you more deeply. But, then, ask a question that spurs them to share as well, so that you are engaging in a real, two-way conversation.

Keep the ball rolling!
Elizabeth

Hospitality: The Personal Touch

One of my favorite books on hospitality is "The Personal Touch" by Rachel Crabb. The subtitle is, " Encouraging Others Through Hospitality."

This slim little volume is packed with heart and with practical tips. I reccommend that you read it for yourself to absorb everything that it has to offer. I would like to share a few quotes, though.

"Though the Lord is still working on my pride and helping me to learn to relax and keep the most important thing in mind -- practicing encouragement, not just hospitality-- I have also tried to gather as much ammunition as possible to be prepared for making the most of every opportunity.

Here are some points I try to remember:

1) Concentrate on people, not preparations.
2) Keep supplies on hand for putting together one impromptu meal.
3) Have some type of small refreshment on hand: a flavored tea or coffee, cheese and crackers, or cookie dough for quick preparation.
4) Keep my sense of humor and lose my sense of pride. A few years from now, will guests really remember if the bathroom mirror was spotted when they dropped by?

"Three reliable impromptu snacks are popcorn, ice cream (I like to keep at least one topping on hand), and pizza."

"Here a a few sample menus to give you ideas for what to have on hand for impromptu guests. Today, there is a strong emphasis on serving healthy menus. When in doubt of the diet your guests may prefer, consider broiling a piece of chicken or fish and serving fresh vegetables and fruit. (My note: This list of meals is based on many quickly preparedpre-packaged items, so that you can serve guests on short notice. However, with some creativity and planning, you can make a stock of homemade items which can be brought out for unexpected guests).

Canned ham
Box of scalloped or au gratin potatoes
canned, fresh, or frozen veggie
rolls or bread
microwave cake

Spaghetti sauce
Spaghetti or other noodles
Salad
Frozen pie

Frozen chicken kieve
frozen broccoli
pacakged rice side dish
brownies

pizza crusts
pizza sauce
mozzarella cheese
olives, mushrooms, pepperoni, onions, etc.
sherbet"

"One delicious item to keep int he frezer is balls of homemade cookie dough. Whenever I ahve surprise gusts, if even just for acup of coffee or tea, I can stick a pan of cookie dough in the oven within minutes of their arrival. I believe aprt of practicing encouragement means making my friends feel special. If eating a cookie warm from the oven makes my guests feel special, taht helps me encourage them."

"My home-frozen peaches have become a reliable emergency menu ration. My family has become hoooked on these peelsed, clisced and packed fresh peachs in light syrup, which are tucked awy in the freezer for winter enjoyment. I can mix them with other frozen fruit for an appetizer or fruit side dish or sppon them over ice ream for dessert."

"A quick salad that guest enjoy is prepared by draining a can of mandarin oranges and place the orange sections and sliced almonds on lettuce, then topping with a sweet dressing, usch as poppy seeed or mayonnaise mixed with honey."

"Here's an emergency dessert: Caryl's Frozen Yogurt Pie: Mix together 8 oz of whipped topping with 16 oz of yogurt. Put mixture in graham cracker crust or a nut or cookie crust and freeze."

"Let your guests pitch in. It is often fun to invite your guests to help with the meal. Ask everyone to bring something, or provide the meal and ask your guest to bring the dessert. Why not supply pizza crust and cheese or baked potatoes, and let your guests bring the toppings? Or proivde lettuce while your guests bring chopped vegetables and dressings"

(My note: A fun thing to do is to make "hobo stew", otherwise known as "stone soup". You provide cooked ground beef and soup stock, or, if you do not eat meat, provide a good vegetable stock, in a huge pot. Ask everyone to bring a can of something that you would find in a vegetable soup. When each guest arrives, add his contribution to the pot. It will be fun to see the soup taking place as you add the ingredients. You always end up with something slightly different. Yet, it never fails to be delicious.)

"Be creative and flexible. Plan a style of entertaining tha fits your budget and your lifestyle. The improtant thing is not to put off practicing hospitality because your home isn't finished or the carpet is threadbare or your cooking skills aren't perfect or your children are too young. It's too easy to think of a hundred-and-one excuses for never inviting anyone over to your home. If you just start somewhere, you'll really enjoy sharing yourself and your home with others. Don't become so involved in preapreations that you forget to enjoy this opporutnity to let Christ shine through you."

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

If you are a woman who operates a home-based business, check out The Mom Pack. It's a group of over 4,000 women whose mission is "..to support our mutual goals of success through an innovative, free advertising partnership." Although most of the women are moms-at-home, you don't have to be mother to join. I, myself, am an empty-nester, but I'm interested in what the group has to offer.

I've just joined, so I have much to learn about the group and its activities and benefits. In a future post, I'll give my evaluation. But, it the mean time, check it out for yourself.
And, if you are a member, please leave your comments about the group.

Elizabeth

Ten Budget Friendly Tips for Creating a Lovely Home

The American Heritage Dictionary of the English language defines the word lovely as 1) full of love; loving; 2) inspiring love or affection; 3) having beauty that appeals to the emotions as well as to the eye; 4) enjoyable, and delightful. Isn't that the kind of home you want to have? I know that I do, though I have a long, long way to go in that respect.

I'm sure it's no accident that the number 1 definition is being full of love or loving. True loveliness comes from having a loving heart. (Doesn't everything begin with the heart?). This loveliness originates in a relationship to Christ and it shows up in the things we think about, the things we say, and the things we do. (See Phil. 4:4-8, Ephesians 4:29, Ephesians 5:1).

True loveliness doesn't has nothing to do with physical surroundings. However, a lovely heart will want to express itself in creating loveliness for others. And, we will enjoy our role as keepers of our home better if we attend to the beauty of our hosue. So, let's move on to definitions 3 and 4: having beauty that appeals to the emotions as well as to the eye; enjoyable and delightful. Here are ten tips that I've learned from others about creating a beautiful, enjoyable, and delightful home:

1) Learn what makes a home lovely to you and what makes a home feel lovely to the other members of your household. Use what you learn as a guide for how you spend you decorate and entertain. Having a plan will save you from making expensive mistakes. Take the long view and be willing to shape your home over a period of five to ten years. Buy a few essential pieces, and then add to them as your budge allows.

If you aren't sure what makes a house feel like a home to you, start a file of ideas that appeal to you. Buy a few decorating magazines and clip photos that draw your eye. When you visit someone and are charmed by their home, think about what it was that you enjoyed. You may have to dig to see what your pictures and your notes have in come. For example, you may have clipped out a picture of a modern room and a picture of a traditional room. If you look closely, you will see a common thread: perhaps rich color or a light and airy feeling. Eventually, you will start to see your personal style emerging.

Don't stop with determining your own style. We are all individuals, and what you find to be lovely may do nothing for someone else in your household. As keeper of your home, it's only natural that you will put your personal stamp on your dwelling. However, you don't want to do this to the point of running over everyone else's preferences. If you have "girly" tastes, like I do, and you are married, be especially mindful of your husband. My poor dear husband once gently asked me if we could have at least one room in the house that wasn't too flowery. Some men don't feel at home with lots of nicknacks, frills, and dainty furniture. They prefer sturdy, but cushy places to sit, and lots of room to move around without fear of breaking something delicate. I enjoy watching HGTV's Designing for the Sexes, because it demonstrates how to blend two opposite decorating styles into one.

2) Some people have a natural eye for line, color, proportion, and how to arrange things to their best advantage. If you weren't born with this gift, don't worry. You can develop your artistic eye. Ask the advice of friends whose taste you admire. Check out books about the principles of art from the library and study them. Keep these principles in mind as you make your home. You will find these principles can improve how you do something even as simple as setting a table. A knowledge of these principles will also help you spot great bargains on beautiful items at garage sales, flea markets, and antique shops.

3) Choose lovely reading material and music. The author Theodora Goss pointed out in a journal item on her website that classic literature and classical music are reasonably priced. I had never thought of it that way, but she's right. You can walk into any bookstore and find a classic novel for a fraction of what it would take you to purchase the latest bestseller. And, good quality classical CD's are often less costly than rock or rap. Now, the classics may not be your thing -- at least not for daily fare -- and that's ok. But, if you keep an open mind, you might discover that you find it soothing to have Pachelbel's Canon playing in the background or to curl up with Jane Austin's Pride and Prejudice.

Another way to add a bit of loveliness to your home is with with children's books that have a beautiful story and beautiful illustrations. Even an adult guest will enjoy thumbing through a high quality children's book that is placed on a coffee table.

4) Another tip from Theodora Goss: Collect old items of white china or white stoneware, old lace tablecloths, and antique silverware. As mentioned above, you can often find these for little to nothing at garage sales, flea markets, and antique shops. Take your time. Add one piece at at time as your budget allows. Do not worry about matching the white china or the silverware. The white pieces will look good together. (Don't mix china with stoneware, though). The silverware will be all the more charming for not being part of a matched set. (I would, however, look for silveware that is similar in design or scale. You might look for forks and spoons that are dainty and with floral patterns, for example.)

5) Grow your own flowers for cutting. To many people, nothing makes a house lovelier or more homey than a vase of pretty, fragrant blossoms. Create your own cutting garden so that you will always have some on hand. Bulbs are particularly easy and cheap to grow. If you don't have the time or the room to grow flowers, look for a discount florist in your area. Also compare the prices in the floral departments of grocery store. Sam's is a great place to buy inexpensive bouquets, but only if you find it economical to buy a lot of things at Sam's. You won't save enough on flowers alone to justify the annual membership fee.

6) Consider how the things you already own may be re-arranged for a fresh look. Ask a friend to help you with this one. You may be so used to the way your home looks now that you don't see how a particular object might work better in another place. For example, a former neighbor of mine had a background in interior decorating. (I miss her company and her advice!). I had a painting that I loved but didn't know where to hang, so I put it in an out of the way spot at the bottom of my staircase). I was decorating a bathroom, but I got stuck and needed something to put on one of the walls. I did not even realize that the bathroom was done in the same colors as the painting. My neighbor ran to the painting immediately and hung it in the bathroom. Voila. The painting brought the bathroom to life, yet it was easily overlooked in its former spot.

7) Ok, we all know this one, but I need to keep it in mind: Cut the clutter, and keep things as shining and clean as you possibly can. You have to be realistic about this. Your house is a home and not a monument to cleanliness. If you have children, pets, or a life of any kind, you won't always be able to keep things perfectly clutter free or spic and span. But, clean and orderly surroundings are not only lovely, they are more comfortable. Clutter and dirt can make people feel out of sorts without their even realizing why.

8) Have some pretty afghans or coverlets in spots where you read, gather to talk, or watch TV. More women than men find these essential to the comfort and beauty of a home. But, if you're like me, when you are relaxing, you will find it soothing to snuggle under a light cover. And, these can provide inexpensive and quickly changed decorating accents, as well.

9) Try not to use loud appliances, such as dishwashers, washing machines, and dryers when you are trying to spend time with family members and friends. This noise can be distracting, and, for some people, nerve-wracking. Especially avoid running these applicances during meals. Of course, noise control means planning ahead. If I wait too late in the day to start a load of clothing, I get caught with the washer or dryer running as we eat dinner.

I often use the delay button on my dishwasher. That way, I can put the dishes in right after dinner, but I can delay the time the machine starts for up to four hours. That's more than enough time to watch a movie or play a game without the noise interfering with what we're doing.

Being mindful of using noisy applicances at certain times is especially important in houses like ours, which have open floor plans. We can close off the sounds of the laundry room to some extent, but the noise of the dishwasher carries loudly into our living room.

10) If you move a lot, put together a color scheme that you can take with you from home to home. The late President Eisenhower and his wife, Mamie, moved many times during his career. The first house they ever owned was purchased when he left the White House. Mamie developed a color scheme (hers was green and pink), which she was able to use everytime they changed quarters. She carried a swatch board with her to help her set up each new household.
(A side note: Mamie believed that every room should have one touch of yellow -- yellow flowers in a vase, for example -- because yellow is cheering and reminds peole of the sun. You could acccomplish the same with a bowl of pretty lemons)

Have fun!
elizabeth

What's in a name?

I live in a religious area where most people would describe themselves as " Christians". Yet, if you went to the mall and took a survey of 100 people to discover what they think the word means, you'd probably get a hundred answers. People use it to say, "I'm not Moslem. I'm not Jewish. Therefore I must be Christian," or "I go to church when I feel like it and I perform a few good deeds now and again " or "My granddaddy was a preacher," or "I believe that Christ is the Son of God, so I'm sure I must be saved, even though I'm not living a righteous life right now ", or "I truly am devoted to Christ, who loved me and saved me through his blood."

Since we know that God is not the author of confusion, it must be Satan who's got us all mixed up. Yet, there are only three to five* references (depending on the translation) to the word Christian in the entire Bible. Thus, it should't be as hard to define as we make it out to be.

When I first discovered how rarely God uses this term, I was shocked. Today, that's the word most of us use most of the time, so I assumed that it must fill the pages of the New Testament. I don't know why I thought that. I had read my Bible enough to know better.

Below are all three times the NIV version translates the word, "Christian". Please note that the KJV also uses the word Christian only in these identical verses.

Acts 26:28 Then Agrippa said to Paul, "Do you think that in such a short time you can persuade me to be a Christian?"

I Peter 4:16However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name.

Acts 11:26 and when he found him, he brought him to Antioch. So for a whole year Barnabas and Saul met with the church and taught great numbers of people. The disciples were called Christians first at Antioch.

That's it.

From these few mentions, we learn that a Christian is something that Agrippa didn't want to be, that sometimes being a Christian involves suffering, and that the word Christian is simply another name for a disicple of Jesus.

Apparently, the disciples did not choose the name of Christian for themselves. It is a beautiful word, for it means Christ-like or one who follows Christ. However, it was probably first used in a derogatory way. The poeple in Antioch so identified these "Jesus people" with their Lord so much that they started calling them "Christians".

When I was a girl, people labeled those who followed the Reverend Moon as "Moonies", so much so that I don't even know the real name of his religious movement . Moonie was not as a compliment. In the same way, it's likely that the citizens of Antioch did not mean to compliment the disciples there by calling them Christians. No matter what their movties were, the name stuck -- at least in popular terminology. Besides, it doesn't really matter whether the term was used to encourage or to stigmatize. Even if we are sometimes persecuted for wearing the name of Christ, it is the greatest privilege we could ever hope for.

This brings me to another "doh" moment in my spiritual history. We've just seen that the word Christian is used only three times. By contrast, the word "disciple"is used over 260 times, most notably in the gospels and Acts. Somehow, in all of my Bible study, I missed that important fact! In fact, there was a time when I thought there were only twelve disciples, for I confused the term disciples with apostle. It never occured to me that disciple is the predominant word used to describe all followers of Christ. Therefore, it never occured to me that I should be one!

Jesus, Himself, linked being his disciple with the gospel and salvation. In Matthew 28:18-20 NIV, He commanded his apostles to "Go and make disiples of all nations, baptizing them, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you." The KJV renders "make disciples" as teach, but the original Greek word actually means a particular kind of teaching. It means to enroll scholars or disciples in the shcool of a master.

What did Jesus mean when he commissioned the apostles to "make disciples". A disciple is a student, a follower, or someone who adheres to a master's teachings. When someone "becomes a Christian", he becomes Christ's student.

As we grow in Christ, we take on more of his heart and his character. We train others to be like Christ, as well. But, even as we share what we've learned with others, we still remain pupils or disciples. Jesus, our Lord and Savior, is always ahead of us. Jesus, the Son of God, is perfect in all of his attributes. He is always ahead of us, always beckoning us to follow Him. We keep growing, learning, repenting, and followig after Christ until the day He takes us home to heaven.

It's easy for us to miss the significance of Christ's call to be his disicples. Our culture has lost the meaning of the word disciple, in general.

Oh, we do occasionally say that someone is a disicple of a certain teacher. For example, I read a book by a woman who studied under ballet teacher who "a disciple of Pavolva". Pavolova was one of the greatest ballerinas in history. Though Pavolova had passed away by the time the author became a student, she was thrilled to dance at the feet of someone who personified Palova's art, methodology, and approach. To her, it was as if she studied with Pavolova herself.

Yet, such references to a disciple learning at the feet of a master are rare. Our primary view of education is that of a teacher lecturing in a classroom setting.

By contrast, both the early Jewish Christians and the Gentile Christians easily understood what it meant to become Jesus' disciple. In both Greek and Hebrew cultures, students of religion or philosophy traveled with their teachers. They grew to know their teacher deeply, and he grew to know them. They saw their teacher in action. They not only learned his teachings -- as important as the teachings were -- they also knew the teacher's heart and character, as well. They imitated his life. They wanted to be like him in every way, and they wanted others to become disciples of their master, too.

If you encountered the disciple of a certain teacher, likely you saw a good deal of that teacher reflected in him. Thus, to meet someone's disciple was to have a window through which to view what that teacher was all about.

Having seen multiple examples of discipleship, it was no great leap for the early Christians to understand all that being in a saved relationship with their Lord entailed. They held to and promoted Jesus' teachings. They took on his heart and his character. They imitated Him. They sought to be like Him in every way. Thus, anyone who met a Christian would have some clue to what Jesus was like.

In fact, the Christians' zeal would outshine that of disciples of human teachers, for they had a greater Master and a greater motivation. No human teacher had ever died to save the world from sin. No human master had ever risen from the dead. No human master was God in the flesh, come down to show us his unfathomable love. Most of all, Christians actually had God's Holy Spirit dwelling within them.

So, all of this this brings us right back to the name Christian, doesn't it? A Christian is one so thoroughly identified with his Teacher, Christ, that He is called by Christ's name. In the same way, the disciple is one who acknowledges that He is Jesus student and is easily recognized as such. Thus, the true meaning of "Christian" and the true meaning of "disciple" are essentially one and the same: They both are terms for the person who follows Christ, our Lord and Savior. You can't be a Christian without being a disciple of Jesus (or vice versa), any more than you can say to your math teacher, "I will be your student, but I won't be your pupil".

As it says in I John 2:6 "Whoever claims to live in Him must walk as Jesus did." In other words, we dare not use the word Christian to describe ourselves lightly. We cannot merely call Jesus Lord (see Matthew 7:21-27), we must follow Him. Of course, Christians are not perfect in walking as Jesus did. But, they do wholeheartedly follow in the steps of their Lord and Savior.

Today, we do not physically follow Jesus, as the people of his time did. But, we know him through God's word.. We also learn from godly people, whose Christlike example inspires us. Just as the early Christians did, we have the Holy Spirit to help us in bearing the fruit of a Christlike character. (See Acts 2:38, Galatians 5:16-28).

We go to Jesus, and we learn from Him. And, Jesus says that it is in coming to Him and being his pupil that we find rest. (See Matthew 11:28-29). Could it be that so many of us suffer spiritual unrest, because we try to follow Christ and follow the world, too? Not only does that not work, this places us in spiritual danger. Christ will not allow us to have two Masters (See Revelation 3:14-21, John Chapters 14-15, Matthew 7:21-27, Matthew 6:24).

Of course, Christian and disciple are not the only terms for one who follows Jesus. The KJV has three references to the term "believer", for example. The NIV translators make freer use of this word, applying it in twenty scriptures. The King James references go back to the Greek word, "pisteou" which means to trust, to commit, assurance, fidelity, to have faith in. It is used, by implication, of the Christian who entrusts his spiritual well-being to Christ.

Another word that is used for Christian is the word "saint", which means someone who is holy or pure. Someone or something that is holy has been set apart for God's purpose. In I Peter 1:16, God commands us, "Be holy, as I am holy." Again, God reminds us that he is the example -- the standard -- for us to follow.

One of the most beloved terms for "Christian" is "saved". We could decide to follow Christ from now until the day we die, but our efforts would not save us from the penalty that our sins deserve. Only the blood of Christ can do that. However, we have to look at why Christ saved us. He saved us so that we can walk with Him. He saved us so that our nature of sin can be crucified, and we can be raised to live a new life in Him and for Him.

Titus 2:11-14 says, "For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. it teachs us to say "no" to ungodliness and wordly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wiat for the blessed hope -- the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a peopel that are his very own, eager to do what is good."

In speaking of our freedom in Christ, Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 3:18, "And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."

And, that brings us back full circle to "Christian" -- "One who belongs to Christ and is like Christ".

There's a lot in a name, isn't there?

elizabeth

*Some of the newest translations of the Bible use the word Christian more frequently -- up to 33 times.

The Home Keeper's Clothing

I not only am a keeper at home, but my professional endeavors are home-based as well. Like many women of today, I have a variable schedule. I might be cleaning a toilet one moment and running out to a meeting the next.
It never fails. The one morning that I dive into my projects without taking time to present myself well, that's the day that someone drops by uninvited. Or, my husband calls and says, "Would you like to go to lunch?"
In almost everything I've read about keeping a home or operating a home based business, the author counsels wearing clothing that inspires you to a professional attitude. The truth is, there is something energizing about knowing that you are groomed in an orderly way. Knowing that we are dressed in neat, fresh, feminine, and suitable attire does a lot to boost our spirits and efficiency.
We probably all have different ideas of what is appropriate and feminine attire for the homemaker to wear. And, we express ourselves in different styles. Some love lace; other women wouldn't be caught dead in it.
Thus, I can't dictate what you should wear for your endeavors at home. But, I do have a few suggestions:
A. Learn to love aprons. In addition to a kitchen apron, you will need some sort of smock or apron to protect your clothing when you are performing heavier tasks. It's good to own two or three aprons and a gardening smock. Wear these over clothing that you find to be attractive, neat, feminine, and comfortable. Then, when you need to slip out to the store, you can slip off the protective covering, freshen your hair and face, and be ready to go in five minutes.
B. Consider turning an crisp, but inexpensive lab coat into a protective covering for your at home work. You can embroider it and embellish it however you want. It will serve the same purpose as an apron, but it will provide even more protection to the clothing that you wear underneath.
C. Wear gloves to protect your hands when you stick them into dirt or water.
D. Consider your options for footwear. Experiment to see which works best for you: sturdy but attractive lace up shoes, lovely house slippers, pretty flats, etc. Each morning, you may want to put on one pair of shoes that will take you through the whole day. That's fine. However, your floors and carpets will stay cleaner if you devote one pair of shoes for the house only. If you are otherwise dressed, it doesn't take long to slip into another pair of shoes for activities outside of the home. (Think of how the Japanese always slip into house shoes when they come home or even when they go to someone else's house.). If you do devote a pair of shoes to indoors only, keep a pair of clogs or athletic shoes by the door. You can slip them on when you run out to the garden or to water outside plants or to take something to the trash.
E. If you are interested in wearing today's equivalent of the old-fashioned house-dress, it can be done. Some women lament the demise of the house dress. But, if you are so inclined, you can search out dresses and skirts that are attractive and fresh-looking and that allow for the freedom of movement that house dresses do. You can also find patterns on the Internet that are inspired by house dresses from that from the 1920's to the 1950's. If you know how to sew, you can up-date these to look modern without losing their fresh appeal.
E. Even if you wear pants or jeans, you will feel better if they are clean, neatly pressed, feminine in cut, and paired with an attractive blouse and accessories.

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

Quotes from The Caring Woman: A Guide to Housekeeping

Some years ago, I lucked onto a lovely little book that was on a table of highly discounted items outside of a store in Memphis. It was clear that copies of this unclaimed treasure had been around for a long time, and had now been marked down to move out quickly. I think I got my copy for $2.00 or something like that.

At any rate, this treasure is called "The Caring Woman: A Guide to Housekeeping", and the author is Sophis Makirs Sousoulas. The book is decorated with lovely Victorian inspired art, and it provides wonderful tips on how to clean. But, more than the actual info, the thing I love about it is that Mrs. Sousoulas' caring heart shines from the pages of the book.

Let me mention that the jacket says Mrs. Sousoulas was born in Memphis of Greek immigrant parents. She has a BS degree in Biology and Chemisty. For several years she worked in research in the Department of Preventive Medicine at the University of Tennessee. "Following her marriage to dentist Jim Sousoulas, she became a career wife and mother, a career where the principles of chmisty apply to cooking, cleaning, and to caring." The copy of the book also reveals that Mrs. Sousoulas also learned much from working in her parents' laundry. (Note: I believe some of the best keepers at home are those who not only have been taught how to keep a home, but also have an education in another field. It's wonderful to be able to apply knowledge of something like medicine, science, art, or literature to caring for a home and family. For more on this, read Edith Shaeffer's book, "The Hidden Heart of Homemaking.)

Let me share some quotes that reveal Mrs. Sousoulas wonderful attitude towards keeping a home:

"The privilege of having a home and family instilled in me the desire to become a capable homemaker who could perform all the duties that title implied. Someone who cared not only for the occupants, but the house and its contents. The idea grew to ecnompass more duties and greater skills, just as a juggler starts witha few object, then gradually introduces others."

"The paradox of today is that never before do so many own so much, yet lack sufficient knowledge to maintain and care for these possessions."

"The truly beautiful home is the clean one...The selections and talents of decorators ca create the charcter of a room, but the maintenance of that creation belongs to ou. Magnficient homes, resplendent with rare antiques and expensive art objects, become ugly if they lack cleanliness....A simple but lean and orderly home is the one with appeal and beauty."

I have learned the truth of this humerous section from Mrs. Sousoulas the hard way: "A home has a way of communicating with its occupants. If you give to it, it gives back to you; if you refuse to give, it also refuses. An unmade bed makes you dislike the bedroom. It also makes sleeping on that bed undesirable. You did nothing for it -- it does nothign in return. A messy kitchen reaps vengeance. Dirty dishes in the sink, an unmopped floor, and frying pan with bacon grease and remnant of eggs left on the stove, scream, "Do something with me," and the noise makes it uncomfortable to eat there. A ring around the bathtub can make a sponge bath preferable. Soap has a way of combining with minerals in the water to form a deposit of scum. The longer you wait to clean, the more layers form and the more difficult it becomes to clean. The tub gets back at you by its objectionable appearance....Ever continue to use "clean everything" until they run out and you're left with soiled and dirty everything"? The house knows exactly when to run out. You must pay penance at the worst possible time. awlays when you have the least time available, the house knows and will get even. Its continuing message is, "Take care of me, and I'll do the same for you."

"Hands are the most valuable tool in housework. Wear rubber gloves to protect them. Always keep a supply on hand. Wear loose fitting comfortable garments...The old-fashioned house dress has never been improved upon. Alas, they're all but obsolege."

"Perform all household tasks as though they are physical regimens. All that stooping, bending, kneeling, lifting, pulling, pushin, really is. Think of housework as a sport. The side benefit is you will acquire a better figure."

"The role of homemaker and housekeeper is eessential. It is the dependable, stabilizing force a family needs. It shhould offer warmth, love, security, and happiness at the end of the day."

"I s anyone home anymore? It owuld appear every other place as priority."

"The home needs someone in charge, a manager, just as any business does."

"One of the most important yet overlooked areas of home maintenance is the outside of the front door. Your front door will always be the tell-tale giveaway of your houekeeping. It housld be painted more often than the rest of the exterior. NO one examines the windows that closely, but they do see the chipped faded, unclearn door very well. If it's painted, scrub it often with a cleaner, such as Top Job or Spic and Span. If it's stained, go over it often with furniture polish."

"Yard maintenance is another giveway abaout how clean the house is unside. Uncut grass and litter shout, "I['m unloved." Before buying a hosue, give serious thought to whether you will be willing to perform or can afford to hire proper yard maintenance. The yard size shoudl be as carefully considered as the house size. Better to have a small, well-kept yard than an abandoned large one."

Well, that's enough quoting. I have to run. My house is shouting, "Take care of me."

Elizabeth, the Merry Rose

Building A Home Reference Library

Even in this age when we glean so much of our information from the Internet and the media, it's helpful to have a solid home reference library. Each family will build a selection of tomes based on their own needs and preferences. Here are some suggestions that you might want to consider:

A. A few English translations of the Bible, assuming that English is your first language. You and your family will probably settle on one version that you use for reading. But, comparing passages in different translations will add richness and accuracy to your Bible study. I also have a French Bible, which I love! I want to learn Spanish and, Lord willing, will purchase a Spanish translation soon. Simultaneously reading an English version along with a foreign language translation is a rapid way to learn another language. Plus, I find that reading God's word in French keeps me in touch with God's amazing love for the whole world. It helps me remember that he wants us to make disciples of all nations. (See Matthew 28:18-20, Acts 10:34-35). It keeps me from being too centered on my own little sphere.

B. A Strong's Concordance. This huge tome enables you to look up any Bible word in the original Hebrew or Greek. If you select the original Strong's, you will find it easier to use if you use a KJV of the Bible as your starting point for looking up words. To be honest, I usually turn to an Internet source for Strong's, but I also use and value the print version in our home library.

C. Whatever Bible study tools, commentaries, and Biblically based spiritual books that you and your family find helpful. There are many books which can inspire us and instruct us in God's word. However, remember that these books are the words of men. Be sure to compare what you read against the Bible to make sure that it is true. (See Acts 17:11). If you are on a limited version, stick to the Bible. Note: A great online source for buying helpful spiritual books is Discipleship Publications International at www.dpibooks.org.

D. A fabulous dictionary. Make no mistake. I am the first to use Dictionary.com. But, as a wordsmith, I can't imagine a household without a solid, basic, and modern dictioanry. We use ours for all sorts of reasons: from making sure that we are communicating precisely, to learning words that are new to us, for children's homework, and to play word games, like Scrabble. :) A wonderful Thesaurus can be helpful as well. Note: Since the advent of spellcheckers, I have become lazy and have totally forgotten how to spell!

I personally am interested in acquring an older Webster's edition. I have read a few word definitions from older dictionaries, and I am struck by how complete they are. Also, there is a wholesome tone in the examples they use to illustrate words. But, if I could afford only one dictionary, I would buy a more recent edition. Words and their meaning change over time, and it's important to communicate in a way that your peers will understand you.

E. A stylebook and a book on grammer. These are essential if you or anyone in your household writes, either professionally or as part of a home-based or school-based education.

F. One really great how to cook book. I was given a number of lovely cookbooks when I got married, and I have acquired others through the years. I confess that I keep too many on hand, for I willnever use all of the recipes contained in them.

I could go on and on about interesting cookbooks, but all you really need is one thorough volume. This tome should not only supply recipes, but should explain the terminology and the whys and wherefores of cooking as well. It should provide photographic instructions of how to do things like truss a turkey, charts that tell you how to cook any kind of meet, menu suggestions, etc. My parents always used the Wise Encylopedia of Cooking (and the Wise Encyclopedia of Gardening), and in my book, you can't do any better. My parents knew of my love for this book and gave me my own copy when I started to cook on my own. This not only tells you more than you need to know about cooking, but it provides fascinating historical informationa about foods as well. It's probably not in print any more, but I'm sure you can snag one from a used book dealer. Other great old books are "The Joy of Cooking" and, if you are inclined to put on your French chef's hat, Julia Child's earliest works.

My father gave my daughter a Better Homes and Garden Wedding Edition Cookbook, which serves her well. I'm not sure that's the exact title, but it's very informative. I love the Better Homes and Gardens cookbook, which I received when I married in 1980. It's very practical.

G. If you are expecting it's worth it to invest in a book with suggestions to keep you and baby healty and happy. There are a number on the market. Choose your favorite one. Remember, if you are on a tight budget, you don't need twenty.

H. A book about children's health and how to keep your child healthy and happy through different ages and stages. Again, you have an overwhelming selection to choose from. Focus on one that is best for you and your family.

I. Some people find it helpful to have a medical guidbook on hand, so that they can look up symptoms and determine when to self treat and when to seek medical help. This book should also provide first aid information. Note: These books are dangerous in the hands of hypochondriacs like me. My medical books are stuck away in the darkness of my storage room, and, for me, that's probably a good thing.

J. Godly books about marriage and parenting. Make sure that these books are Biblically based. I have collected quite a few books on this topic, because it is an area that greatly interests me. I often lend some of these books to younger women. (If you do lend a book, be prepared for the possibility that you might not get it back).

Remember, however, that God's method for learning about marriage and child-rearing is through one on one relationships (See Titus 2:1-15 for an example). Books are great, but we need brothers and sisters in Christ that know us intimately and can help us apply the scriptures to our lives. I know that one way God helped my children become Christians is through all of the loving church relationships he has placed in our lives. If you don't have a lot of money to invest in books on parenting and marriage (or, even if you do), seek out families whose home life and children are godly examples and learn as much as you can from them.

Many men are not as motivated as we women are to read books about marriage and parenting. If your husband is not a reader, don't fret. God has provided for men to learn to be godly husbands and fathers in the context of relationships with other godly men.

My favorite book on rearing children (Well, it's actually second to the Bible, itself) is "Raising Awesome Kids in Troubled Times" by Geri and Sam Laing. Other books that greatly helped me when my children were younger were "Training Up a Child", by Gwendolyn Webb and "The Idea Book for Mothers: How to Make Your Home a Fun Place to Live" by Pat Hershey Owen. As with any book written by man, weigh the advice given against the Bible. Particularly with the latter two books, I would say that I learned a lot from them, but I would also recommend that you read them with discretion.

When it comes to gleaning advice from marriage and parenting books, I would first suggest that you study every verse in the Bible related to the role of men, the role of women, family life, the relationship between a husband and a wife, and about children.

K. Books about keeping a home, organzing a home, and maintaining a home. Again, I have collected a lot of these, because this is an interest of mine. If you can only buy a few, I would suggest, "The Hidden Art of Homemaking," by Francis Shaeffer (sp?). Home Comforts by Cheryl Mendelson, Decorating for Dummies, and Home Depot's Home Improvement 1-2-3. Note: Cheryl Mendelson provides a bountiful treasure of homemaking information. But, don't let her thick book overwhelm you. Use the sections that are useful to you in your current stage of life, and don't fret if you haven't yet mastered it all. Perhaps, you will; perhaps you never will. At any rate, you are sure to glean something that will help you manage your home.

I also reccommend a book on mending (unless you do have Home Comforts, which does cover that subject), a book on gardening or maintaining houseplants or landscaping a yard) and possibly a book which tells you how to maintain a vehicle.

L. A good book on financial matters. There are many helpful books on Biblical stewardship and on how to manage the money that God entrusts to you. Crown Financial Services (which carries on the work of the late Larry Burkett) and Dave Ramsey are two notable experts in money matters, and they draw their information from the Bible. Another helpful little book is "A Saving Faith" which is a collection edited by a man named Steve Johnson. Again, before purchasing any book on financial matters, I would suggest that you do a study of what the Bible has to say about money. You will be surprised how many verses there are!

M. Books pertaining to your husband's career and to your own professional or business pursuits.

N. Books pertaining to your families hobbies.

O. Books about caring for pets and farm animals, or, if you are interested in nature, books about local flora and fauna. If you have bird feeders, it's fun to have a book on hand that will help you identify your feathered visiters.

I love books, but I try to be disciplined with my book budget. I think it's best to "specialize" by buying books in a few areas that interest you most. You can usually find anything else you'd like to read in a library.

Remember, if the only book you ever own in your entire life is the Bible, you'll be doing well!

And, now, a question: What books do y'all keep in your home reference library.

Yours,
Elizabeth

Strength and honor are her clothing -- Proverbs 31:25

It's sweltering outside. But, you'd never know it if you walked into a clothing shop or a fabric department. Merchandisers are already enticing the public with fall goods.

On Labor Day, I will put away my white clothing, but I will continue to wear lightweight garments. Each year, autumn weather takes a long time coming to Tennessee. It's hot one moment and coolish the next. I try to keep some lightweight layers on hand, so that I can pull whatever I need from my closet.

Lately, one of my goals has been to take a more care with the details of my outward grooming and dress. I want my outer appearance to reflect greater diligence, as well as to be a blessing to my family.

I'm talking about getting in shape, building a basic wardrobe, and sprucing myself up a bit. I'm not talking about spending tons of money or becoming a primping princess.

Proverbs 31 mentions, almost in passing, that the worthy woman was dressed in purple and fine linen. It's hard to imagine that she was sloppy or negligent in her dress. Instead, she presented herself well. She also made sure that the people in her household were prepared for changes in the seasons , and she provided warm, well-made coverings for them to wear in the winter.

In verse 30 NASB, we see the flip side of this: "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised." Verse 25 NASB tells us that the worthy woman's true clothing comes from within, from the heart. "Strength and honour are her clothing, and she smiles at the future."

I don't know about you, but I do not possess within myself the resources to clothe myself with strength and dignity. I have to go to God to receive appropriate spiritual attire.

The Bible is so full of references about how God clothes us that we can't examine them all in this article. At the dawn of history, Adam and Eve sinned and, as a result, discovered their spiritual and physical nakedness. Their attempts to cover this nakedness were inadequate. God replaced the fig leaves they had pitifully sewn together with sturdier garments made of animal sins.

In the same way, we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. We have all, at some point, tried to cover our own spiritual nakedness with our own attempts to be religious or righteous. Or, we have hidden our souls by wraping them with layers and layers of self-protectiveness.

Only by coming repentantly to God will we receive the spiritual garments that we need. (See Acts 2:38) It is only the covering of Christ's blood that allows us to stand before God, pure and holy and without condemnation.

In Galatians 3:27, God tells us when we receive this new wardrobe. "For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ."

In Zehariah 3:1-10 NIV we discover a foreshadowing of being clothed with Christ. The prophet sees Joshua, the high priest, standing before the angel of God. Satan is there also, with the intent of accusing Joshua. God does not accept Satan's accusations.

God says, "Is not this man (Joshua) a burning stick snatched from the fire?"

Verse 3 tells us, "Now Joshua was dressed in filghty clothes as he stood before the angel. The angel said to those who were standing before him, "Take off his filthy clothes. Then he said to Joshua, "See, I have taken away your sin, and I will put rich garments on you." Interestingly, Joshua and Jesus are both forms of the same name, which mean "God saves."

In Isaiah 61:10 (NASB), Isaiah gives us a beautiful prophecy of the garments of salvation through Christ. "I will rejoce geatly in the Lord...for He has clothed me with garments of salvation, He has wrapped me with a robe of righteousness, as a bridgroom decks himself with a garland, And as a bride adorns herself with her jewels."

In Isaiah Chapter 61:3 NIV, Isaiah foretold that God would, "provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair."

Isn't that a lovely thought? Some moments, I revert to my old, gloomy, sinful, tatterd sweatsuit of despair. But, praise be to God, when that happens, I can ask for forgiveness. Through his power, I can put on the shimmery, warm, soft, luminous garment of praise to the Lord.

It is only because God himself clothes us in Christ that we can attend the eternal party. In many scriptures, heaven is depicted as a wedding banquet that a King (God) throws for the wedding of his Son (Jesus) . In Matthew 22, Jesus gives us one of these analogies. A king invites friends and family to his son's wedding banquet. Yet, on the day the banquet begins, they refuse to come. So, the king dispatches his servants to find guests who will be more grateful for the invitation. Many accept this gracious offer.

However, when the king arrives and views his happy guests, he notices that one man has not bothered to put on the proper wedding garments. This shows a lack of respect for the King and his Son, as well as a total want of gratitude for the King's beneficent invitation. So, the King orders Him thrown outside. So, too, it will one day be with us if we do not clothe ourselves in the garments of salvation through Christ.

After we are initally clothed with Christ in baptism, we have the daily choice to select the garments of Christ's righteousness. It's one thing to own a closet full of beautiful garments. It's another to actually put them on. How many of us know someone who lets lovely items hang unused on their hangers, while she shelps around with uncombed hair, in dirty sweats, and with ratty athletic shoes on her feet? (Ouch. There have been days in my life when I have resembled that remark!)

Colossians 3:12 urges us to put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, and forgiveness, and beyond all of these things, to put on love. What a wardrobe God provides for us!

Ephesians 6:11-17, urges us to put on the whole armor of God, that we may stand frim. Among other thigns we are to put on a belt of truth, a breastplate of righteousness, and feet shod with the gospel of peace. In I Timothy 2:9, Paul tells us that women are not to be concerned with costly array, but to adorn themselves with good works.

What Father does not want to provide and care for his children. Since God went to the utmost length to purchase our spiritual wardrobe with His Son's blood, it makes him happy to see us dressed as becomes His daughters and servants. Yet, it grieves Him when we ignore the beautiful clothing He has given us in order to put on things like irritablity, selfishness, and self-pity.

One of my favorite picutres of spirtual adornent is in Revelation 19:7 NIV, where we see the church attired for her wedding to Christ. "Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready. Fine linen, bright and clean, was given her to wear." (Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of the saints.)"

Every bride looks forward to her wedding day. She selects her gown carefully. She spends time arranging her hair and her veil. Yet, when the moment finally comes that she is walks down the aisle towards her groom, she forgets all about her attire. Her eyes are focused on her beloved hsuband to be. In the same way, when Christ takes us home, our eyes will be focused on Him -- the Bridegroom who loved us and gave Himself to save us.

As the song says, "What a day of rejoicing that will be!"

The Wonder of Fabric Stores

Even before I took up sewing, I loved to poke around in fabric stores. One of my favorite haunts was a quilt shop in a quaint village that’s being swallowed up by the city where I love.

Now, wandering among bolts of fabric may not seem fun to you. However, I recommend that every woman visit a fabric department now and again. Here are my top five reasons why.

Every home needs a good mending kit. You’ll save lots of time and money by keeping your clothing in repair. Since everyone has a different idea of what is essential to a mending kit, you will need to determine which items work for you. Browsing through a notions section will help you in this process. Also, notions manufacturers are constantly coming up with new treasures to make sewing and mending easier. While most aren’t necessary, it’s good to keep up with what’s new.

Every woman needs to understand fabrics. The Proverbs 31 woman selected quality wool and flax. She dressed in fine linen and purple. In her case, she sewed these materials into garments. Even if a woman doesn’t sew, however, it’s good for her to develop an eye for different fabrics, and a knowledge of their appropriate uses and what is involved in cleaning them. Throughout your lifetimes, you will purchase many items made of cloth, such as clothing, drapes and curtains, bedding, and upholstered furniture. A “basic education” in materials – obtained from observantly walking through a clothing store – can help you make wise selections.

Every woman needs to know which colors and fabric textures are most flattering to her. It is simple and economical to build your wardrobe around basic pieces one or two flattering neutrals and to add becoming accent colors in shirts, sweaters, and accessories. Also, some women look better in larger prints; others, in smaller, and some should avoid prints all together. Some women wear heavy fabrics well. Others need lighter, crisper fabrics or soft, drapey fabrics. A trip to the fabric store with a trusted friend is an easy way to try out which colors and textures suit you best. Hold up a bolt, glance in a mirror, and consult your friend’s opinion. If you see one or two colors in inexpensive materials that you particularly like, buy one eighth to one quarter of a yard to take home to use as swatches.

Fabric departments are a good place to pick up craft items or fun, no-sew projects. Fabric stores have always provided ideas for no-sew fabrics; the advent of polar fleece has taken this to a new level. At any rate, you are likely to find something fun to take home, even if you’ve never sewed a stitch in your life.

Fabric stores are good places to find gifts for someone who loves to sew. People who love sewing or crafts welcome gift certificates to places like Jo-Ann’s, Hancock’s or Hobby Lobby. Or, you can fill a gift bag with inexpensive sewing notions.

Enjoy,

Elizabeth