Back on Feedburner -- For the Time Being, Anyway.

To my RSS readers, you can now find me again on Feedburner. One day, I'll get all of these blog-o-sphere options figured out!

Enjoy!
elizabeth

Darwin and Wives and Daughters: What does Elizabeth Gaskell tell us about Darwinism in Victorian Britain?

I've been enjoying Wives and Daughters by Elizabeth Gaskell. If read purely for plot and writing style, it is a charming story. Yet, because we today are not familiar with the cultural changes that were going on in the 1860's and 1870's, we easily miss some of the deeper currents in the book. An article I read inspired me to research these underlying themes. In the process, I learned some fascinating things:

1. Elizabeth Gaskell was the distant cousin of and contemporary of Charles Darwin. Darwin was sometimes a guest in her home. Darwin published his famous "Origin of the Species" in 1859, and Gaskell wrote "Wives and Daughters" in 1866. She died before finishing the last chapter.
2. By the time Mrs. Gaskell wrote this novel, Darwin's theories were already reshaping how Victorians viewed the world. Gaskell set her book a few decades earlier than this changing tide, but she subtly flavors the novel with Darwinian themes.
3. It's difficult for me to determine exactly what Mrs. Gaskell's personal views about Darwin's works were. Likely, she embraced both her cousin and his ideas. Certainly, her husband thought that Darwin's theory pointed out the glory of God more fully. However, since Mrs. Gaskell was a tireless advocate of the disadvantaged, I do wonder what she made of some of the era's racist and class-conscious applications of Darwinist theory. She also seems to have taken a gentle poke at how Darwinian thought restricted women. Likewise, whether Mrs. Gaskell intended it to or not, her novel also chronicles how Darwinist ideas were restrictive to men.
At least at one stage in his life, Darwin enjoyed Mrs. Gaskell's books.
3. I am no fan of Darwin's works. However, in all fairness to him, we should explore the possibility that society took his theories in directions he never intended. Plus, there were other philosophers of the age whose ideas were lumped together with Darwin's, whether he personally accepted every point these philosophers made or not. Thus, when I use the term "Darwinian" in this article, I mean the way in which Darwin was interpreted in certain circles.
4. Did you ever wonder where the image of Englishmen as having a "stiff upper lip" came from? To understand that, we have to go back to an earlier, jollier image of the British man. In the first part of the Victorian Age-- prior to Darwin's popularity -- the British ideal of a man was a man of faith, who was active in his home and family. He found satisfaction in his work, but his greatest fulfillment was in the domestic realm.
At the time that Mrs. Gaskell wrote Wives and Daughters this happy ideal was fading away, partly due to the public's interpretations of Darwin and Nietzsche. In her day, Englishmen imbibed the idea of "survival of the fittest". Darwin did not coin this term, but he popularized it. Darwin said, "In the struggle for survival, the fittest win out at the expense of their rivals because they succeed in adapting themselves best to their environment." Darwin stated that this did not mean that the fittest were necessarily stronger or more intelligent, but simply more adaptable to environmental changes. Based on the popular concept of "survival of the fittest", a new idea of English supremacy came into being. Spiritual and family concerns were pushed to the back burner, and hardiness of mind and body came to the forefront. The new Englishman was to be a superior and adaptable specimen of humanity. In order to be so, he must be physically strong, emotionally controlled, practical, and gentlemanly. Mrs. Gaskell also represented this new man as being interested in science.
According to Pam Morris's introduction to "Wives and Daughters", Englishmen repressed emotion in order to live up to this new ideal of manhood. E. M. Forster said of the new way young boys were educated in Britain's boarding schools that it led to "well-developed bodies, fairly developed minds, and undeveloped hearts."
The new Darwinian/British ideal of superior masculinity was used to support the Imperialism in which England was already involved. Some argued that more "civilized" nations almost had a duty to rule over "less-civilized" countries. At the same time, England stepped up exploration and, perhaps we might say, exploitation of Africa.
Around this same time, a movement called "muscular Christianity" was born. This movement used sports to train boys to become strong and moral men, as well as to attract grown men to religion. There were other influences on this movement, but one of the forerunners, Charles Kingsley, was a supporter of Darwin and tried to build a bridge between Darwinist and religious thought.
5. The main hero of "Wives and Daughters, Roger Hamley reflects the new British/Darwinian ideal. Some of the characters in the book underestimate Roger, for they are put off by his social awkwardness and his dullness of personality. They do not appreciate his square build, his common sense, and his scientific achievements. Yet, we sense that he will triumph in the end. Roger is able to give the heroine -- Molly - a lot of kind advice. However, he cannot voice the true sympathy he holds for her in his heart. In fact, he states often that he never knows how to say to people what he feels. This inability to express himself meant that his admirable qualities remained hidden to those who did not understand him.
Where does Roger go to develop into full manhood? He was awarded a scholarship to explore Africa, which, as we discussed, was of great interest to late Victorian scientific and political communities.
6. Roger's father, Squire Hamley, has Roger's same physical strength and sturdy frame. Yet, unlike Roger, he does express emotions -- though, alas, that sometimes includes a testy temper. Prior to the mid-nineteenth century, English men were freer in self-expression than the Darwinian based ideal allowed. Until troubles hit the Hamley family, the Squire is also shown as being happy in his domestic affairs. In fact, he was almost too much of a homebody. Unlike his wife, who enjoyed trips to London in her early married days, he preferred to stay on his own estate.
Squire Hamley is the "root stock" of the post-Darwinian ideal. He is unpolished, as well as stubbornly old-fashioned, but he is of "strong" Saxon blood. Mrs. Gaskell emphasizes that he can trace his roots all the way back to before the Norman Conquest, to the time when the Saxons were dominant in England. The idea of British superiority was based, in part, on the idea of hardy Saxon genes.
7. Often, references are made to the fact that Roger looks physically like his father, while his brother, Oswald, looks like their more refined mother. Characters in the book expect great things of Oswald, who is the heir of the Hamley estate and who appears to be gifted. They expect less of Roger, except that he will be steady and true. However, these expectations are turned on end. The mother and Oswald grow weak and die, while the father and Roger survive.
Roger has inherited his father's sturdy Saxon gene stock, but grafted on to that root is an interest in science and repression of emotion. Thus, Roger is the "evolved" Saxon Englishman that came into vogue via Darwin's theories.
8. The ideal of the British man of science and the stiff upper lip contrasted with the Romantic movement's idea of the artistic, sensitive, individualistic hero who is carried away by his sensibility. (Perhaps, a better ideal than either of these is the man who manages his emotions rather than either repressing them or being led by them.) Thus, romantic Oswald is sensitive, poetic, and refined, almost to the point of being a dandy. Poor Oswald is doomed, because he is by nature and nurture unfit for any useful work. "Weak" Oswald declines and dies, while "strong" Roger survives and prospers. Oswald's classic education comes to naught; Roger's education in science brings him unexpected success.
9. Oswald secretly marries a French servant and fathers a son with her, thus adding French genes and a servant's genes to the Hamleys' Saxon blood. In the time when Wives and Daughters was written, many English people regarded some Europeans -- particularly the Irish and the French -- as being inferior to those of Saxon ancestry. The French were looked to as leaders in culture and perhaps some aspects of science, but were otherwise felt to be too emotional to survive as a race. It takes Squire Hamley some time to warm up to his widowed daughter-in-law.
10. In the discussion of Darwinian ideas that dominated the last part of the nineteenth century, values traditionally held by women began to be seen as weaknesses, rather than strengths. Charles Darwin said in the Descent of Man, "Woman seems to differ from man in mental disposition, chiefly in her greater tenderness and less selfishness; and this holds good even with savages...Woman, owing to her maternal instincts, displays these qualities towards her infants in an eminent degree; therefore it is likely that she would often extend them towards her fellow-creatures. Man is the rival of other men; he delights in competition, and this leads to ambition which passes too easily into selfishness. These latter qualities seem to be his natural and unfortunate birthright. It is generally admitted that with woman the powers of intuition, of rapid perception, and perhaps of imitation, are more strongly marked than in man; but some, at least, of these faculties are characteristic of the lower races, and therefore of a past and lower state of civilisation. The chief distinction in the intellectual powers of the two sexes is shewn by man's attaining to a higher eminence, in whatever he takes up, than can woman--whether requiring deep thought, reason, or imagination, or merely the use of the senses and hands."
In "Wives and Daughters", two heroines -- Molly and Mrs. Hamley-- are held up as worthy examples of a daughter and of a wife. Mrs. Gaskell makes a point of showing how the men in their lives love them, but, at the same time, patronize them and underestimate them. When Mrs. Hamley dies, it becomes clear that her role as wife and mother had been far more crucial to the family than either her husband or sons had realized. Also, throughout the novel, Molly demonstrates far more wisdom than her father gives her credit for.
By contrast to the Darwinian debate about women, the Biblical portrait of the Proverbs 31 wife portrays a godly wife as being noble, of great worth, possessing strength and dignity, physically vigorous, trustworthy, wise, and financially savvy. The Proverbs 31 woman is not only successful in her undertakings, but her success earns her praise in the city gates. In Genesis, we learn that both men and women of all races are created in the image of God. As fallen men and women, we all battle selfishness, but men are not doomed to live a life of selfish ambition if they embrace the freedom Christ offers. Neither do tenderness and perceptiveness in women -- or in men -- indicate that we are somehow "less evolved".
11. Lest we be single out the British interpretations of Darwin, we have to remember that this same type of thinking oozed its way into American intellectual and upper class circles, as well. Likewise, many western countries were influenced by Darwinist thought and companion theories, such as eugenics. (The term eugenics was coined by Darwin's cousin, Francis Galton.)
12. Mrs. Gaskell was a Unitarian. Unitarians were among the first in England to embrace Darwin's ideas, so Mrs. Gaskell would have considerable knowledge of her cousin's scientific theories. Darwin also started out as Unitarian, but he quietly and very, very gradually adopted an agnostic stance. There is some debate about whether or not he returned to a belief in God during his final illness.
The Unitarian movement of that day rejected the Trinity. Unitarians also did not believe that Jesus was fully divine as well as fully human. Since they thought Jesus was a man only, they did not believe he could or did atone for our sins, nor did they believe such atonement was needed. As Mrs. Gaskell's husband put it, Jesus was a man approved by God, who was sent to show us a pattern for living. Humans, in his opinion, were capable of rising above their faults on their own, being motivated by the consequences of vice and the rewards of virtue. At the risk of stepping on some toes here, we do need to exercise caution. It's true that Jesus calls us to follow his example. However, the fact that Jesus is Christ and Savior is the very heart and power of the gospel! "This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." I John 4:10 See also John 1:1-18, John 6:51, Matthew 26:28, Acts 4:12, I John 2.22, Matthew 20:28, Romans 1:16-17, I Corinthians 1:18, I Corinthians 15:1-7; Phil. 2:5-8, among other verses. Mrs. Gaskell does not overtly promote Unitarian thinking in "Wives and Daughters".

For further study, please see

Pam Morris's introduction to Wives and Daughters
article: Elizabeth Gaskell, British Unitarianism, and Darwinism
Eugenics
Victorian masculine ideals

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

The Art of Giving Flowers

Everyone loves giving and receiving lovely blossoms. However, we can sometimes be stumped about when it’s appropriate to send flowers, how much to spend, and which ones to buy.

In the nineteenth century, the giving of flowers was a specialized art. Floriography, or the language of flowers, was developed as a way of expressing feelings by coded messages. Each flower was assigned a certain meaning. For example, a person might send Canterbury bells to signal gratitude or purple lilacs to communicate the first blush of love.

Somewhere along the way, the language of flowers fell into disuse, though some of its associations remain with us today. For example, we all know that red roses are a symbol of romantic love, and white lilies are still associated with purity.

Now that the art of making Tussy-Mussies, a type of Victorian bouquet, is coming back into favor, some people are studying floriography once again. For a charming gift, examine one of the many lists of flower meanings that you can find via your web search engine, and select a few blossoms to convey a special message. Since your recipient may or may not be familiar with the language of flowers, enclose a card explaining why you chose these particular stems.

Another creative method for sending flowers is to honor the person’s birth month. Each month in the calendar year has a certain flower associated with it. For example, January’s flowers are carnations or snowdrops. May’s flower is lily-of-the-valley. November’s flower is chrysanthemum. A birthday bouquet of the appropriate flower is a lovely way to celebrate someone’s birthday.

It’s not necessary to spend a lot to brighten someone’s life with flowers. One beautiful rose or a bunch of cheerful daisies can say as much as the most expensive bouquets. If you live near a place that has striking wildflowers, pick some and arrange them yourself in an interesting container. With flowers, it truly is the thought that counts.

An inexpensive, small potted plant is a great way to thank a hostess, welcome someone to the neighborhood, express sympathy, brighten up someone’s sick room, or simply bring a little cheer to someone’s day. If you are gifted at growing certain flowers, such as Christmas cactus, you might even pot slips from your own plants in attractive containers and give those as gifts.

Potted plants also allow a woman to give a botanical gift to a man in a way that he is more likely to appreciate. Though there are exceptions to every rule, women are generally more enthusiastic about receiving cut flowers or bouquets than men are. Men, however, might appreciate receiving a pot of greenery upon moving into a new apartment, receiving a promotion, upon bereavement, or for some special occasion. It's probably not a good idea to send a plant or flowers to a man at work, as that may set him up for some kidding from his co-workers. It's better to give him the plant in person or have it delivered to the home.

If you are giving a corsage for Mother’s Day, the traditional rule is that you choose a red flower if your mother’s mother is still alive. A white flower indicates that a mother’s own mother has passed away. While you are not limited to giving these colors only, it’s good to understand the rule so that you don’t inadvertently send the wrong message.

Flowers are expected on certain occasions, such as roses on Valentine’s Day or poinsettias at Christmas. However, the ones that people enjoy the most are those given for no other reason than to say, “I’m thinking about you.”

If you have room in your yard, you may want to experiment with a cutting garden. This differs from an ornamental garden, which is enjoyed for its outdoor beauty. Instead, the cutting garden is planted specifically for the purpose of cutting fresh flowers for the house or giving them as gifts. Remember, since you will be harvesting the flowers often, the garden itself may not look as pretty as beds that are left to flower throughout the seasons. Most people locate their cutting beds in the backyard or a corner space, rather than in a spot where you want to see continual color. Wherever you locate your cutting garden, it can yield a rich bounty of flower gifts.

As to when it's appropriate to give flowers, there's hardly any occasion when they're not welcome, particularly for women. Be sure, though, to think in term of the person who will be receiving them. If he or she are highly allergic, potted greenery might be better than flowers or flowering plants. Also, in some ICU units of hospitals, flowers are not allowed.

If you have sons, you may want to help them when it comes to giving flowers. Again, this is a generalization, but we women usually grow up knowing about and being comfortable with flowers. Young boys might need a little support when it comes to making a gift of flowers, particularly if they are presenting a corsage to a young lady for the first time. Also, your sons will benefit from knowing that their grandmothers, mothers, and sisters will also enjoy an occasional gift of flowers.

Enjoy!

Elizabeth

Hi All,

Sorry I haven't posted in a week or so. I accompanied dh on a business trip he made to Williamsburg, VA.

We had both envisioned that dh would work during the days, and that I would rest and sight-see while he was working. Then, we would take time to relax in the evenings. Plus, we worked in a overnight stop in Asheville, North Carolina so that we could visit the Biltmore House.

Last March, when I went with DH on a business trip to Utah, we tacked some sightseeing days on to the front end, and we turned those days into a romantic getaway.

Well, this time we did have some fun, relaxing, and relationship-building times together. But, we also had some times when nothing flowed as we had envisioned that it would. DH called those our "patience-building" moments.

Bassett Hall

Among them were getting lost numerous times, despite having been to these locations before, plus having a GPS system and dh's own usually impeccable sense of direction to guide us. It got to the point where we began to joke that we'd probably have to write our son, "Dear Son, we are sorry to have to miss your September wedding. But, we are still wandering around Virginia, trying to figure out how to get home. Send help!" On top of that, dh contracted some type of virus or food poisoning ,and I was struggling with a shoulder/neck injury. Add to that a three-hour traffic stall on a section of Interstate with no access to alternate routes.

Despite these challenges, we're glad we had the trip. This time, I had houses and the domestic arts on the brain. DH and I drove past the James River plantations, plus I hung out at the DeWitt Decorative Arts Museum, looking at all of the furniture, china, samplers, quilts, etc. and took a tour of Bassett Hall, the "little" colonial house which John D. and Abby Aldrich Rockefeller owned for a time. And, I took a lot of mental notes when touring the Biltmore. It had been some time since I had visited either Williamsburg or Biltmore, so I had fun looking at all of the details, gleaning ideas that might beautify an ordinary home. I'm sure most of you know how much you can learn about keeping your own humble home from visiting restored homes and museum homes.

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

J.R. Miller on Worry...

"Worry exhausts vitality. True, all good in life costs. Virtue goes out of us in everything we do that is worth doing. But for normal, healthy action nature provides. There is recuperative energy enough to supply the waste. The fountains are filled as fast as it is worn away. Worry, however, is abnormal and unhealthy. It exhausts vitality more rapidly than nature can reinforce it. It is like friction in machinery, and grinds away the very fibre of life. Worry, therefore, both impeded progress and makes work unduly costly and exhausting. One neither accomplishes so much nor does it so well, while the outlay of vitality is greater.

The ideal theory of life is, therefore, work without worry. At least, this certainly ought to be the ideal for a Christian. We have an express command not to be anxious about anything. Our whole duty is to do the will of God and leave in his hands the outworking of circumstances, the shaping and overhauling of all the complicated network of influences, so as to bring about the right results. The working plan for a Christian life is clearly laid down in our Lord’s words: “Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” “Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself.” This ideal leaves no place whatever for worry. It requires single-hearted devotion to the interests of Christ’s kingdom, the elimination of self and self-seeking, uncompromising loyalty to the principles of righteousness, and the faithful and energetic doing of duty, — all duty, without regard to pleasure or cost. This is all the human part. Then God will look after the outcome; will take care of us and of the results of our acts. It is the function of faith, when we have done what we can, to put all into the divine hands, giving ourselves no anxiety, while we go forward in peace and confidence to the next duty that awaits.

It is said of a Christian man, who has risen from a humble station to great national prominence that his motto has always been: “Do the very best you can, and leave the rest to Providence.” This is nothing more or less than the putting into plain, crisp Saxon, our Lord’s counsel already quoted. If we would all get this bit of practical heavenly wisdom out of our New Testament and into our daily life, it would not only greatly increase our working capacity, and consequently make us more successful, but it would also largely enhance our happiness."

My note: To be technical, I'd say our motto should be to lean on Providence from the beginning of any endeavor and do our best as we trust in the Lord and leave the results to Him." But, that's a mouthful.

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

Merry Story at the Merry Rose:
Well, I didn't post this on Merry Monday, but I thought this story form Yahoo News was encouraging. It seems that a thrift store worker found $30,000 in the pocket of a woman's clothing item that was being donated to the store. The woman had passed away and her relatives had not known the money was in the pocket. Follow the link to find out what happened.

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

The Intellect and Education of the Keeper at Home...

Contrary to our culture's belief, being a keeper at home provides a woman with many outlets for improving her mind. Those of us who choose to tend to family and household as our primary career need never let the world make us feel inferior on that account. Likewise, if we feel that our daily tasks are becoming routine -- as can happen with any endeavor in life -- we can refresh ourselves by learning new aspects of our vocation.

Have you ever pondered the following topics?

1) The principles of chemistry related to baking and cooking.
2) Economic principles; the historical connection between household economy and a nation's economy; the current economic situation and how it affects your household economy; how your household economy might play a part in the larger economy; stewardship; consumer science; how to assess quality of basic household materials and goods; how goods are made and merchandised and shipped
3) Nature as viewed from your back yard; the trees and flowers that grow in your area; principles of landscaping and gardening; botany; your area's environmental health or needs; ornamental plants and plants grown for food; indoor plants; historical varieties of plants; cultivating soil for lawns and gardens; the components of soil; the science of composting; chemistry as related to botany and also to plant care; stars seen in your area; effect of sunlight on a household
4) All about your pets; local animals; local birds; migration patterns of birds in your area; local butterflies and other insects; animal science as is related to your household's needs or to animals that live near you
5) Your area's climate and weather; how the climate affects your household management; the delights of your area's seasons
6) The principles of chemistry related to cleaning and laundry
7) The development of your area's style of cooking; your favorite country's cuisine; kitchens and cooking around the world; cooking seasonally
8) The principles of art as they relate to creating a comfortable and attractive living space; color, shape, arrangement, flower arranging
9) How fabrics are made; properties of various fabrics; how clothing is designed and made at a commercial level; home sewing
10) Family communication; childhood development; language arts
11) Nutrition, health, physiology; the development of a child within the womb; gerontology; how children grow physically
12) Computers, cars, appliances, a little bit about home construction; energy sources in the home (such as electricity)
13) Historical styles of home furnishings; houses from different countries; local houses of interest; houses in your area that have been turned into museums or bed-and-breakfasts; notable women of the past who managed households well
14) The history of manners; customs from different countries; changing views of manners in modern day; etiquette in the home; law as it affects the family and household
15) Principles of efficiency, more effective ways to accomplish tasks in the home; principles of organization and time management

These are just a few examples of subjects that relate to the management of a home. As you manage your household, your curiosity may be sparked by one of these topics or by something else entirely. In today's world, you have a number of options for further study: your own personal observation (keeping journals and sketches add to the fun), library books, the Internet (though be sure to check sources), asking people who have already studied these topics (asking intelligent questions will make you a more interesting conversationalist), visiting local museums, and taking a class.

It's not necessary to study all of these things in order to keep a house well. Just as you can drive a car without knowing what's happening underneath the hood, you can cook without knowing the chemical principles behind it, sew without knowing how certain fabrics are made, use a computer without understanding anything about software or hardware design, and balance a checkbook without knowing anything about economics. I, for one, couldn't tell you much about the inner workings of a car, much less of a computer.

You may find great satisfaction in your work simply by mastering the most basic concepts needed to manage a household, and that's wonderful. Or, you may choose to follow the elementary principles of home management in most things, but take an extra interest in one or two particular aspects of homemaking.

That's the beauty of being a keeper at home: All you really need for success is love, faith, courage, willing hands to work, and attention to detail. However, if you do want some extra intellectual stimulation, the possibilities for learning about subjects related to home management are endless. Have fun exploring the topics that interest you!

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

Did you know...

Here's a study that says that clutter in the home and excess weight are linked. The article says that people who struggle with too much clutter are also likely to struggle with weight, because the underlying impulse to accumulate too much stuff is similar to the desire to eat too much food. In both cases, the person is trying to achieve emotional satisfaction from over-consumption, only the over-consumption actually creates more anxiety and depression for the person. On the other hand, if a person tackles the issue of clutter in their home, they may find they lose weight in the process. I don't know if that's true or not, but it's an interesting thought. Read the article and tell us what you think.

My current clutter challenge is that both my parents-in-law and my widowed father are downsizing. There are many family pieces that I would like to keep. This means that I am continually needing to determine what in my house, my parents-in-law's house, or my father's house I will keep and what I will toss. I don't want to overload my place with too much stuff. As far as my father's house goes, I need to completely empty it and put it on the market to sell. He is in an assisted living place and only needs so much. It's sort of like managing two households at once.

Does anyone who's been through this process of your parents' downsizing have any helpful thoughts?

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

One hat at a time...

A woman wears many hats in life. Of course, her primary end -- whether she realizes it or not -- is to know God and to be in relationship with him. At any given season in her life, however, she may also be wife, mother, friend, neighbor, daughter, granddaughter, helper to her husband's business, owner or employee of a business enterprise, student, volunteer, voter, mentor, etc.

If you look at just the role of home manager alone, this could entail being a lover to her husband, a companion and help meet to her husband, household economist, an organizer of the home, decorator of the home, cook, chauffeur, cleaner, launderer, mender, teacher, nurse, gardener, seamstress, listener, encourager, disciplinarian, comforter, breast feeder, guardian of the home, activity director and keeper of the schedule, social secretary, event planner, tax preparer, etc.

Fortunately, a woman's man activities usually blend together into a manageable and fulfilling life.
However, we can frustrate ourselves when we try to wear all of the hats in our wardrobe of roles at one time. I know because I have done this.

I can remember times when I was vacuuming with my hands and mentally brooding about something else -- such as something my husband needed. If I was spending time with my husband, I was worrying if the children were ok. If I was playing with my children, the dirty dishes in the sink tugged at my mind. If I was doing the dishes, a church matter might weigh heavily in my thoughts. If I was participating in a church activity, my mind would wander to the floor that needed vacuuming again.

This is a form of worry, and it is a discouraging way to think. It can make a woman think that her life is overwhelming, when it might really be that her life is full, satisfying, and in God's hands. It divide a woman's attentions, so that she cannot give her best to any one task, thus reducing the satisfaction that comes from productive work.

I've found that it's more satisfying and efficient to follow the admonition in Ecclesiastes 9:10: "Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might."

When performing an activity, give it your full attention at that time, knowing that there will be time to attend to the other things in your life. Some of our tasks do not necessarily engage every bit of our thought power. It is possible, for example, to think about something else while cleaning the counter tops in your kitchen. If your thoughts run to productive things and you are also able to do the job well, this is fine. However, if your thoughts run to everything else on your to-do list or they interfere with your doing a good job, you are setting yourself up for frustration.

Sometimes, it's hard to marshal our thoughts for our tasks because either we or loved ones are facing some sort of heartache. We home managers are not the only ones who struggle with this. I read a recent study that showed a correlation between drops in an entire company's productivity and challenges in the top executive's personal life.

Even in times of heartache, however, turning full attention to daily tasks can help us cope. It's important to pray and talk about griefs or concerns. Once we've done that, doing something routine can take our minds off of things and give us some moments of relief. In fact, in troublesome times, we may benefit even more from performing whatever our hands find to do with all of our might.

Of course, a woman of many hats must be able to change them in a moment's notice. Perhaps, we are tending to some work at our desk, but we realize that our child needs some attention. Or, we are cleaning out our refrigerator, when a friend comes by with a problem. Here again, if we must instantly take off one hat and put on another, we should give full attention to the new hat while we are wearing it.

Another time when it's hard to take off one hat and put on another is when we're excited about finishing a project. For example, if we are absorbed in sewing new curtains, we might find it hard to switch our attention to cooking dinner. Or, if we are planning something for a home business, we might find it hard to tear ourselves away and clean the bathroom. In fact, we can be quite restless inside until we get a certain project done and out of the way. It's best to enjoy the process of accomplishing something, even if it must be done in several sittings, and we do well to exchange our restlessness for contentment.

When we do reach a goal, it's wise to take a moment and mentally register the satisfaction of a task completed. Yes, there are likely many other things on our to do list, and these may loom large in our thoughts, making us wonder if we really are getting anywhere with our day. Our outlook will be cheerier if we do take note of what we have accomplished.

Many of the roles a woman does in her life are ongoing. Some are even a lifetime commitment. While a husband is living, what wife can say that she has no room for growth in her marriage? Who can say that their house is perfectly clean and organized and that there is not one thing that could be done to improve it?

The key is to manage our overall life well, rather than obsessing about one aspect of it. Again, we need to celebrate steps achieved along the way, and we also have to learn how to be content with the process of living. When it's time to wear one hat, we must wear it with all of our might. Then, when it's time to put on another one, we can take the first one off, rejoice that we were able to wear it when needed, and look forward in peace to the next time we put it on again.

I love physical hats and actually have a stash of them. Imagine what a sight I'd look if I put every hat in my closet on at once! Think of how hard it would be for me to balance all of those hats on my head at the same time! I'm sure that I'd not only look a fright, but I'd drop a lot of the hats as I walked. My physical head can wear only one hat in a moment. It would also be silly for me to choose one hat to wear and fret because I'm not currently wearing another in my collection.

In the same way, our attention can only focus in so many places at once. While we must be adept at changing hats or roles in the moment, in order to meet needs in a timely manner, we'll do well if we are content to wear one hat at a time.

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

Dining American Style -- Compare to Previous Post about Continental Style.

My Note: This video assumes that you are right handed. If you are left handed and also dine American style(as is my case), you do not go switch the fork back and forth from one hand to the other as right handed people do. When you use your knife and fork for cutting, your fork will automatically be in the correct hand. You will, however, need to turn the fork tines upward and slide your fingers into the proper position for eating. Do this gently and unobtrusively.

If you are a left handed person or you are a hostess who is working a left-handed person into your seating arrangements, remember that it's a good idea to place a left handed person in a seat where he will not accidentally bump a right handed eater with his arm. This generally means an end seat on one side of the table.

If you are left handed and find yourself seated between two right handed people, be aware of how you hold your arm when cutting and eating.

Of course, if you have enough dexterity in your right hand, it's not a bad idea to learn how to eat as a right-handed person does.

Dining Continental Style

It's another Merry Monday...






Jessica Long, who turns 16 on Friday, is a world-champion swimmer despite being born without bones in the lower part of her legs.

New Baby polar bear

MIT Student wins award for work in fighting disease resistant bacteria.

Enjoy!
elizabeth

Get the Most for your food dollar...

According to an AARP Magazine article by Melissa Gothardt and other sources I've seen, supermarkets feature categorical sales trends, which run in about 12 week cycles. Ms. Gothardt suggest that you study these sales cycles.

This has four implications, as far as I can see: 1) If you shop only for what you need during a certain week, you are likely to save money on only 3 out of 15 major food categories, says Terri Gault, whose web site is www.thegrocerygame.com. If, however, you scan weekly circulars and find sales on certain food categories, you can save money by loading up on that week's sale items. The next week, buy more of that week's sale items, and so forth, until you have run through a 12 week cycle. (Of course, you will need to replenish some fresh items, whether they are on sale or not.)

2) Obviously, you can save money by planning your weekly menus around the sale category of the week.

3) You should consider whether or not you really want to stockpile more than a 12 week supply of any one food item. After all, the item will likely be on sale in another 12 weeks, anyway.

Here are the cons of buying more than a 12 week supply of an item: Buying more than a 12 week supply can overload a small storage area. Also, if you buy too much of one item, you may not really use it within its freshness date. For example, you could have great intentions of using up a six month's supply of macaroni, but your menu needs may change, and you could end up losing money by wasting some of the macaroni. Also, certain items do not keep as well as others, and if you stockpile too large an amount, you may lose some to spoilage. There is a slight chance that the next cycle's sale price could be better than the sale price this week.

Here are the pros: If you have a huge storage area, you can afford more space for an item. So, it will not crowd your cooking or living areas to buy a larger supply. If food prices are rising rapidly, especially with regard to a particular food category, the next sale on a particular item may not be as good as the one that is in front of you now. If you live in a rural area, especially an area where inclement weather could prevent shopping trips into town, laying in supplies for an entire season may make sense.

At any rate, don't buy mindlessly. Think it through.

4) According to Ms. Gothardt, grocery stores fall into two basic categories. The first are EDLP's, which stand for everyday low prices, and which you probably have already identified as offering the best deals in your area. The second are "high-low's", which have a reputation for being expensive.

If you keep abreast of sales cycles, you can actually save more money at high-low's than the every day low price stores. That is because when they do place items on sale, their prices dip lower than the stores that offer generally reasonable prices all around.

Of course, if you visit the high-low store, you should stick to items in that week's sale category if you want to save money. Otherwise, you could cancel your savings by picking up a few over-priced items, as well.

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

Boiling sewing patterns in the Limberlost...Does anyone know why?

On her site, Charming the Birds from the Trees, Emma invited readers to submit books and movies which depict positive feminine heroines. I noticed that "A Girl of the Limberlost" was on the list, and I decided to check it out of the library. The book was authored by Gene Stratton-Porter, who was a writer and naturalist, in 1909.

I'm sure lots of you know this book, as it seems to have been beloved by many generations or readers. If you have read this or any of the other novels in the series, please share your thoughts with us.

Also, I have a question, as there is a reference in the book which puzzles me: The main character, Eleanora, is a country student who attends a high school in town. Her mother was widowed at the time Eleanora was born, and, in her grief, she has closed her heart against her own daughter. Thus, she neglects to outfit Eleanora for school properly, and a neighboring couple -- Wesley and Margaret -- step in to help the girl.

In the process, Margaret obtains a dress pattern from town in order to make Eleanora some passably stylish frocks. Once she brings the pattern home, she boils it for some time. Does anyone know why she did this? Were patterns of the day printed on stiff fabric, or something? Wouldn't boiling the pattern wash away any markings and other instructions? I think there's something about sewing at the turn of the 20th century that I'm missing.

The overall tone of the book is wholesome, and the character is delightful. I'm enjoying it very much. However, I'd recommend that a parent read it first before giving it to children and young teens. There are some allusions to some tough subjects, such as marital infidelity, alcoholism, death, and the potential harm that might befall a young girl wandering in a forest alone. These allusions are not graphic, but only you can decide if your child is mature enough to handle them.

And, that brings up my second question: If you've read the book, what do you think about this?

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

Quieting colicky infants and soothing temper tantrums...

Dr. Harvey Karp is receiving a lot of attention for his advice about dealing with infants and toddlers these days. Since I have not read his books, I cannot personally critique them. Nor, do I know enough about Dr. Karp's theories to do a true analysis. Perhaps, some of you are more familiar with his work and can share your thoughts with us. In the meantime, this post is based on reading an interview with Dr. Karp and some articles which review his works and quote him.

If I do understand his underlying theories, I'm not sure that I'm wild about them. However, some of his practical suggestions sound helpful. In my opinion, this is probably because he has brought together in one book some time-tested suggestions that parents have used for centuries.

Dr. Karp apparently believe that human infants are born about three months too soon. He cites as evidence the fact that many animals are born with more survival skills than human babies are. It seems that he believes that in order to keep infants happy, we must recreate what they are missing by not maturing further in the womb.

If he does, in fact, believe this, I don't look at a human baby's need for comfort in the same way that he does. I don't believe that God made a mistake when he determined that a human mother's gestation period is about nine months.

I do believe that human infants need a lot of comforting and physical touch from their parents during the first three or four months. However, I don't see this as a substitute for the womb, but the beginning of human communication and relationship. Human infants are endowed with a spirit and are born with the capacity to know God and to form deep, complex, and lifelong relationships with others. It makes sense to me that intense parental nurturing in the first few months of life starts a child on the road to relationships.

Emerging from the womb at nine months gives a baby the chance to be held in his mother's arms and to suckle at her breast, precious experiences that lingering in the womb cannot offer. Plus, the first three or four months of a child's life are something of an apprenticeship for the mother as well, because she learns to love and care for her dependent baby in a profound way.

So, let's glance at Dr. Karp's parenting suggestions -- as least, as I understand them to be. Dr. Karp studied societies where infants seldom cried, and he made note of their parenting practices. Here are some in a nutshell:

Dr. Karp advises that you swaddle your baby by wrapping him tightly in a soft blanket with the arms at the sides to stop the child from flailing his arms and legs. In centuries past, this was a common practice among many cultures, and you read of swaddling in the Bible.

As my children came along, the theory was that children should not be swaddled, as it was thought the moving the arms and legs about was a natural part of a child's development. It was thought that the child needed freedom of movement in order to learn how to control his appendages. However, when my first child was having trouble settling down, an older mother showed me how to swaddle her in a blanket and my baby immediately became contented and peaceful. I quickly yielded modern theory to the wisdom of the ages! My approach -- as an ordinary mom and as a non-exert -- would be to swaddle the child when the child needs soothing or calming, but to allow the baby some other times to move arms and legs freely.

Dr. Karp advised holding your baby in the side or stomach position. Today, the theory is that the back is the safest position for sleeping. Dr. Karp advises that you don't let the baby sleep on his stomach or side, but that you do hold the baby on his side or on his stomach when trying to calm him. I think most parents have that one figured out. How many times have we seen a mother gently lay her baby across her knees and softly pat his back.

Dr. Karp says shush your baby. Again, I think we all do this one instinctively. Shushing or white noise helps a baby feel comfortable. Saying shush into a child's ear simulates the sound he heard in the womb, according to Dr. Karp, and I do think that does make some sense. On the other hand, I know many adults who use white noise in order to sleep well, too. At any rate, we all try to soothe children by saying in whatever version our native language is something like, "Hush now. It's okay. Shh, now. Shush."

Additionally, there are other ways to make white noise. Being near a running dryer worked for my children.

Dr. Karp says swing your baby. He says to move baby in a rhythmic jiggling motion that moves to a swinging motion as the baby calms down. He cautions that you should never shake a baby. Again, parents usually do this instinctively, but I would reiterate to be gentle, gentle, gentle! No shaking! Also, when my children were little, I got a lot of use out of a baby swing.

A friend of mine, who is studying occupational therapy, relates that certain chemicals that promote a sense of well-being are released with the movement of swinging. Babies, older children, and even adults can benefit from a few minutes of swinging every day. Soothing touch also release chemicals that promote a sense of well-being. I don't know if Dr.Karp covers that or not, but I do think it's interesting.

Dr. Karp says to let your baby suckle. Provide breast, pacifier or a clean finger. Again, there's nothing new here, but it does reinforce the idea of nurturing your child.

While these may not seem like earth-shattering innovations, being reminded of them can help a first time mother. You'll probably find that if you combine these five things in whatever amounts work for you, you'll be able to soothe your fussy baby. The best way to learn how to do these things, I've found, is to watch experienced mothers or grandmothers handle babies. If you do regularly practice these things, and the baby does not respond, it's time to talk to your doctor.

Regarding toddlers, Dr. Karp has a suggestion for dealing with tantrums . If the toddler is going on and on, saying, "I want cookie. I want cookie. I want cookie now, " kneel down until you are at the child's level. Indicate that you understand, using simple language. Say something like, "I know. You want cookie. You want cookie now." Once your child has calmed down, you can say something like, "It is not time for a cookie. You may have a cookie after lunch."

Dr. Karp's reasoning for mirroring a toddler's own language this way, I think, is that toddlers still use simple language and, thus, understand simple language. Sometimes, a toddler will become frustrated that he cannot make his needs known or fearful that his parent has not understood his need.

All people respond better when they feel they have been heard. Even with adults, if someone makes an emotional statement and you feel just a wee bit defensive, it's helpful not to overreact. Instead, you can mirror their sentence back to them to make sure you understand how they feel and to let them know that you are listening. Then, you can calmly state your point of view.

Since toddlers use simple, repetitive phrases, much as an over-excited adult might, use that language when mirroring a child's thoughts back to him. Also, when giving directions to a toddler, stick to simple phrases.

Perhaps, Dr. Karp does have a valid point that parents too often try to reason with a child on an adult level. This can frustrate a toddler, who is just beginning to develop mastery in communication skills.

To a toddler, whose experience of life is limited, a small disappointment might loom in his mind as a real crisis, the kind of crisis that brings out emotional language, tears, and anger. A child does need his parent to listen to his childish troubles with a spirit of compassion; remembering that we, too, take our daily needs to our loving Heavenly Father. Mirroring his speech, as Dr. Karp suggests, could be one way to put that into practice.

My own thoughts would be that in addition to this, do not reward the child by giving into his wants when he is in the middle of throwing a fit. I suspect toddlers are more sophisticated than we give them credit for, despite their immature language skills. Toddlers can manipulate parents by throwing tantrums. Their first tantrums are probably caused by emotional frustration. However, somewhere along the way, toddlers can make the connection that if they throw enough fits, they'll get their way --at least some of the time. At that point, tantrums become a habit.

There will be times when you just have to say, "No," and mean it, whether or not your child understands your reasoning and whether or not he feels as if you understand him. Additionally, you may need to apply some appropriate discipline. In the process, the child may benefit from working out some negative emotions. This is an important part of development. Learning how to manage one's personal reactions to life is important for a child.

Proverbs 16:32 says, "He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city."

Having said all of that, I do think it sounds as if the the five soothing techniques Dr. Karp recommends, plus the re-stating of a toddler's request in simple language, can be effective parenting tools. Try them and see if they work for you.

Has anyone read Dr. Karp's books? If so, what did you think of them?

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

Fashion 2008 -- Colors

Would you like some idea of what colors and textures of material will be fashionable this spring, summer, and fall? If so, check out these sites:

The Color Association of the United States
The Color Association of the United States lists spring and summer colors for youth, women, men, and interiors. I found this link posted on this blog: Thoughts from a Color Analyst which I recommend for anyone wanting to figure out how to make color work for you.

Pantone Fall 2008 report
Actually, Pantone projects colors for spring and summer, as well, which you can access from the home page.

This article is someone's digest of the Fall 2008 Pantone report

Want to give your blog a fashion update, as well? Check out this article.

I did an earlier post about this same subject back in the fall, but now that 2008 is actually well underway, I think the fashion forecast is clearer -- for me, anyway.

If you really want to be on the cutting edge, check out what's on the horizon for 2009!
I've barely moved into this millennium fashion wise, but, oh, those designers are already thinking way ahead!

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

Online Finishing School for Ladies

As readers of Charming the Birds From the Trees and The Merry Rose Know, last summer Emma and I had the privilege of hostessing the Online Finishing School for Ladies. Emma posted about a show she had seen about British girls who were treated to courses in one of Britain's top finishing schools. Several of us who read Emma's post thought it would be fun to have the opportunity to learn about the subjects offered in such an establishment.

"There are so many talented bloggers that we all read -- bloggers with expertise in areas that make for lovely living and a polished education. Why couldn't we all teach each other the same skills you might acquire if you enrolled in an expensive school for the finishing of young ladies?"

Thus, our online school was born. We made a list of things we might learn in a finishing school, and we invited various bloggers to contribute posts, each one writing about a certain topic. Each "teacher" originally posted these on her own blog, and readers were also able to comment and add their insights as well.

For convenience sake, I am slowly pulling all of these posts together onto one site. So, I just wanted to let you know that I have made some new updates to this page. Please check it out.

Also, please visit the individual blogs of our contributing authors. At their sites, you will find a wealth of information.

As soon as I have all of the old posts archived on this site, we might invite new bloggers for a second round of "The Finishing School."

Also, after I've loaded in all of the various posts from all of the various bloggers, I may need to reorganize them. If you do a series on a regular blog, your most recent post is the last one written on the topic. You have to drop down to the first post's date and "read backwards" if you know what I mean. That's how I've been posting on the online site. I may change that, however, as these posts have already been written, and it is possible to do them in chronological order. I'm still experimenting with the best way to organize this site, so please bear with me. In the meantime, know that if you visit this site, you'll enjoy some lovely and informative reading.

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

Helping Your Child to Become More Perceptive...

We've been talking about children in general and highly perceptive children in particular. No matter where a child starts life in this regard, we can help them develop and channel perceptive abilities. Here are some practical ideas. (I'm assuming that you're already reading to and with your children and that you are showing an interest in their outside schoolwork or teaching them at home.)

1) Teach your children scriptural precepts.
2) Talk with them about spiritual things throughout the day, not in a self-righteous or preachy way, but in connection with events that arise.
3) Notice with them the bigger picture of how beautiful nature is, as well as the many intricate details found in nature.
5) Direct their attention to the details in something beautiful and man made, such as a quilt or a homemade chair or a piece of art in a museum.
6) Play any of the variety of games called "Concentration", which help train memory and observation. One easy version is placing several pairs of matching cards face down, in random order. One person starts and turns over one card. Then he turns over another. If he picks a matched pair, he gets to keep that pair. If the pair is not a match, he turns them both face down again. As the game progresses and more cards have been exposed, observant players will remember which cards are where. So, if a player flips over one card, he may remember exactly where it's match is. The person who collects the most pairs wins. There are lots and lots of simple and inexpensive games that develop observation and memory, so try new ones from time to time.
7) Place well-thought out limits with regard to TV, computer use, computer games, etc. These things can be good, provided the subject matter is wholesome. In fact, wholesome computer games (there are a few) can train eye and hand coordination as well as teach other material. But, over-reliance on them teaches a child to be entertained rather than to entertain himself. Too much use can dull concentration and diminish a child's perception of the real world.
8) For very young children: Find or draw a chart with lots of stick figure faces with different kinds of expressions. Ask the child to decide if the face looks happy, sad, angry, etc. Ask him how he knows. Ask him what the happy person might be thinking, etc. As he gets older, watch to see if he absorbs social skills naturally or if he needs help recognizing social cues. Teach him basic manners, which are based on being perceptive of how to be considerate to others.
9) Consider whether your child understands how to organize time, space, and materials according to what is appropriate for his or her age level. If he struggles with this, consider what the problem might be. For example, a nine-year-old can be pretty good at cleaning his or her room. But, if you send the child in there to clean the room and he or she doesn't get the job done, ask yourself why. Is he getting distracted with other things? Is he overwhelmed with the task? Is there some laziness there? Is he a big-picture kind of person, and is it hard for him to notice details, such as an item that's out of place? Deal with the child according to what you think the problem is. Ask the child, "What steps do you need to take to clean your room?" On an index card, write out the various steps you both come up with. "Look for toys on the floor and put them away." "Make bed". "Straighten my desk." "Dust furniture", etc. Set a reasonable time for the task to be completed and ask the child to check off the steps as he works through them. When a child struggles with managing time, space, and materials, chances are that laziness and a lack of discipline are involved in there somewhere, and those must be dealt with. All children have to learn at some point to finish tasks in a timely and efficient manner and to choose responsibility over goofing off. (Some of us adults have to work on this, as well). But, don't just write off that as being the whole story with your child. He or she probably does need your help to develop his powers of perception in this area. With armed with the proper skills, he or she will probably find more satisfaction in a job well done.
10) Involve children in helping others. As is appropriate for their age, take them along with you when you help others. A very young child may not be ready to handle some serious situations. But, he or she can go with you when you deliver food to someone who is temporarily ill or the mother of a brand new baby. Or, he can help you make a card for the new person in the neighborhood, etc. Involve your children in preparing for birthday celebrations, parties, etc. All of this trains them to be perceptive of other people's needs.

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

Teaching Children about God's Wisdom...

It's important to teach your child the difference between God's wisdom and man's (the world's) wisdom. We've been looking at highly perceptive children in the past few articles, but this is a subject for all parents and all children.

Children are by nature curious and absorb knowledge from many sources, even sources of which we may not be aware. In fact, you could even think of it as part of a child's job to learn all that he needs to learn in order to grow up to be a happy, faithful, functioning adult.

The Bible commends a thirst for God's wisdom. However, it warns us against being influenced by the world's ways of thinking.

There are many scriptures that help us identify the difference between God's wisdom and the world's wisdom. These also outline the blessings of the former and the unhappy consequences of the latter. As parents, it's good for us to study and meditate about this, both for our own sake and in order to help our children. James 3:13-18 and I Corinthians 1:18-23 are two passages that give us a lot of help in choosing God's wisdom over the world's mindset. Comparing Proverbs with Ecclesiastes is another helpful study. Another idea is to read the Sermon on the Mount, particularly the Beatitudes, and consider how these words stand the world's wisdom on end.

Generally, the world's wisdom places self at the center of life, while God's wisdom focuses on loving and trusting God and loving others. For example, two people can study and write about astronomy. One recognizes and is in awe of God's glory as revealed in his works. Another looks at the wonders of stars, galaxies, and the like and does not see that Someone has created them. He assumes man is the highest intelligence in the universe.

Of course, it is possible for each of these authors to write about this subject objectively, by merely presenting scientific observations. It is more likely, however, that the viewpoint of a speaker will shine through in his or her words. This is true of an author, a teacher, a reporter, or even a child's best friend. Sometimes, this viewpoint is very subtle, but it can have its effect nonetheless.

Even religious matter -- even that which uses some scriptures -- can appeal to man's wisdom rather than God's. In Matthew 16, we read that Peter once got mixed up in that regard. When, in his ignorance and his love, he tried to stop Jesus from going to the cross, the Lord said to him, "You do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men."

I think it's interesting that the Bereans were commended for examining the Scriptures so thoroughly to see if what Paul was teaching them was true. Even though Paul was clearly an apostle and even though the Bereans were eager to hear his message, they still ran it through the filter of God's word. Acts 17:10-12. God's word serves as a guide to help us recognize truth.

Of course, we don't need to be paranoid about everything our child hears or sees. There are books and media messages out there that don't promote a certain world view, either unintentionally or intentionally. And, some things are a matter of personal conviction. Romans Chapters 12-14. Neither should we be lax, however. It is a fact that we are all bombarded by the world's message everyday, and we must choose whether or not we will listen to it or to God.

It's good to talk often with children often about their view of life and about the things they are learning and reading. This gives us a chance to help them sort out true wisdom from false. Our goal is to give them the tools to discern for themselves.

Enjoy!
Elizabeth

Training Your Child to Exercise Self-Control of the Mind and Attitude ...

Here are some practical ideas for teaching children to have emotional stability. We've been talking about the highly perceptive child, but most of these would apply to all children.

1) Listen, listen, listen to your child. This can be challenging with the highly perceptive child because a) They will ask you so many questions it will make your head spin and b) They may talk a LOT. You may, at some point, need to address the child's tendency to talk too much or at inappropriate times. Even so, it's important to listen, listen, listen!
2) If your child's imagination tends towards worry, help him visualize what it means to cast his anxieties on the Lord. One way might be to help the child draw pictures of or write down his worry on a piece of paper. Pray about these worries. Attach the paper to a helium balloon. Let the balloon float away. Another method is the worry box. If your child expresses a worry about something, pray about it right then. At bedtime, help your child write down the worry on a slip of paper. Pray about it again. Put it in the worry box. Say, "Now, you can let go of the worry and fall peacefully asleep." Once in a while, go through the box yourself. Pull out any worries that are no longer a concern. Leave longterm worries, such as an ill grandparent, in the box. Then, sit down with your child. Ask him how many of the worries you selected really happened. Chances are, most of them did not come to pass. If a worry did happen, ask the child how the Lord got him through it. Throw the worries you've discussed in the trash. If you do a worry box, it's a good idea to also keep a blessing box. Write down a blessing every night and put it in the box. Sit down from time to time and talk about the blessings. Then, put them back in the box. Those you want to keep!
3) Celebrate a highly perceptive child's powers of imagination, but teach him to direct it in positive ways. If, for example, his imagination runs toward worry or negativity, help him imagine positive outcomes to a solution. Or, if the child's imagination runs to unwholesome things, turn his attention to wholesome reading material and activities.
4) Protect your child's childhood. All children today are vulnerable to being rushed out of childhood too quickly. This is doubly so for the highly perceptive child. If a child's high level of perception means that he is gifted or advanced, he will have a tremendous drive to develop his God-given gifts. In order to thrive, he does need to grow at his own advanced rate.
This means that your highly perceptive child may progress quickly through school or home school curriculum. He or she may participate in activities, such as classes or sports, with people who are much older than he is. He may have advanced conversational abilities, and the fact that he sounds older than he is may lead you and others to forget his true age. The fact is, however, that he is still a child.
Give your child the advanced stimulation that he needs. However, don't allow yourself or anyone else to treat him as a mini-adult. Guard his childlike faith and humility. Allow for playtime. Provide opportunities for him to interact with siblings and other peers in age. Play and have fun with him yourself. If he has trouble relating to peers in age, teach him social skills that will help.
5) Don't be shocked if your child acts super-mature one moment and has a moment of total immaturity the next. Your highly perceptive child may function on several levels at once, from being advanced in some areas and a normal child in other areas or even falling behind average in some other ways. Recognize that he will have different needs at different times.
6) Teach your child to base his sense of security on the fact that the Lord is a loving and wise God and not on his own performance or what his peers think of him. Since highly perceptive children either perform at a more advanced level than their peers or fall behind their peers - due to learning difficulties -- you can be sure this will be an issue for them. By the same token, don't let your own sense of security be rocked by how well or how poorly your child performs. It's wonderful and right to rejoice in a child's gifts, and it's normal to show concern for a child's struggles. However, it's healthy for our child if we keep this in balance. Also, teach your child how to rejoice with others when they do well. If he can find joy in the success of others, he won't be threatened or insecure if others outdo his performance at any given time.
7) Teach your child from an early age that the motivation for doing our best is to love and glorify the Lord. This helps both the under-achiever and the perfectionist. Let your child know that it is a good thing to have high standards. However, teach your child the difference between doing something whole-heartedly and obsessing over the process. For more ideas, check out this article. Parenting the perfectionist child
8) Emphasize training in character. It's important that your child develop whatever academic gifts or other talents that God has given him. However, this must not be done at the expense of building overall character. While a highly perceptive child may have unique gifts and unique struggles, this does not exempt him from the need to overcome faults and develop virtues. It's one thing to understand the particular struggles that come with being a highly perceptive child; it's quite another to allow those to be excuses for bad behavior. Here's one example: Your highly perceptive child may become so engrossed in projects that it's difficult for him to turn his focus elsewhere. Don't let that be an excuse for rudely ignoring others or for being neglectful of chores. Softly place your hand on the child's shoulder or say his name gently. Give him a moment to collect himself and tune in to what you are saying to him. Tell him that you understand he is excited about _____, but now it is time to do ______. Give him a time when he can get back to his original project and follow through. Do not allow him to whine or complain.
9) Teach your child that strong emotions within and conflicts or shyness with others can be worked through in righteous and healthy ways. Help the child recognize that painful feelings and challenging situations are a fact of life, and that these things eventually pass. Acknowledge that discipline and self-discipline aren't always pleasant in the moment, but show him the benefits. Tell him that you have confidence that he will overcome whatever problem you're addressing at the moment. As you train him in character, let him practice by working through some things on his own.
10) Understand that your highly perceptive child may feel odd or different when he looks at his peers. The reality is that he is developing at a different rate than many of his peers. He might really be a little out of step with his peers. Added to that is the fact that because children and teens are limited in experience, they are prone to think that they are the only ones who experience certain feelings or struggles, when in fact, they are probably experiencing things that are common to us all. Teach your child that we each have our unique gifts and our own struggles, but we all have common ground somewhere. Help him avoid pride. This may manifest itself as the child thinking more highly of himself than he ought to or as looking down on others who are less perceptive in some areas. It may also manifest itself as a sense of insecurity, extreme shyness, or self-rejection. The truly humble person is generally at ease, because he is not always preoccupied with analyzing himself or comparing himself to others. He trusts the Lord's work in his life -- whatever that may be.

Enjoy!
elizabeth